Conversation with a friend 9 ~ The discomfort and fear of growing older

~ Posted 22nd January 2016 ~ I sent my friend, Mary-Anne a sweet little picture quote just to let her know I was thinking of her... she responded: (conversation shared with permission)
 
Mary-Anne:  Oh thank you Pan. You are such a super star.  I'm so busy catching up work after my holiday.  Could do with another one........hahaha.  Haven't had much time for catching up with friends.  Love you lots.  
 
Pana:  I'm also trying to catch up so I know the feeling... HUGS and lots of love coming your way.
 
Mary-Anne:  Need it at the moment.  Thank you dear friend.
 
Pana:  I'm, here for you if you ever need to chat...  
 
Mary-Anne:  Thank you.  Just feeling like I'm taken for granted with not much appreciation being shown.  Will get over it.  Big hugs for lifting my spirits.  
 
Pana:  It's really an awful feeling... I've known it too.  Especially as we get older it often takes away from our sense of belonging, independence and security in this world... a kind of empty hopelessness and threat to our future existence here... no real promise of love for tomorrow. 
 
Who will care for me and love me when I'm too old to care for myself?
 
I'm so sorry you are experiencing similar too...
 
God please bless my sweet friend...
 
I LOVE YOU  
 
Mary-Anne: You've hit the nail on its head. Exact feeling of being unloved, yet I know they do love me.  Also a feeling of being neglected.  I'm already feeling a lot better just chatting to you though.  Thank you dearest Pan.  
 
Pana:  So many aging people out there feeling the same feelings of being unloved, and as if they are “in the way” and unwanted... often having lost their original place in the family and society...
 
A bit like moving to another country and finding you have “good neighbours” who spend happy times with you every now and then... but you never feel invited or welcomed visit or to move in with them... a kind of distant stranger type friendship, even though you are still living close to family who you see from time to time.
 
Only... as you get older, your expectations from life and longings become so much more... while you gradually realise it's a fading reality and dream that's going to probably die out with you... so sad.
 
The last painful test life brings to us at a time we are becoming weak, stiff and frail sometimes with painful arthritis... Struggling to hold onto our failing independence and dignity... to bath and dress ourselves, etc.
 
“Back to being like children” people say... only... like children without loving parents to hold us and assist us in our needs... As if no one can hear our crying out for their love to assist our genuine needs...
 
Very often it’s hard for children to let go of the idea of a parent who is capable and in control of their life... to be able to take over and become the parent’s helper and nurturer.  Often an adult child is not ready to let go of the idea that their parents are supposed to be there for them.
 
I never even had a nurturing mother as a child, so it's hard for me to imagine I’d have someone there to care for me in my old age...
 
I hope I'm not depressing you more, but I'm sure many aging folk would identify with such thoughts, feelings and fears... we just never have anyone to talk to about it and because it seems that no one can hear us or cares about what we have to say anymore and we are afraid of making things worse for ourselves.
 
Pana:  I love old folk, so I'm very fired up on this subject as you can see... Like... don't get me started...  
 
Mary-Anne: I can see that.  Old age is not for sissies.  Lol.  Not depressing me.  I have seen this in my in laws and my parents. I must confess that I have at times been guilty of making them feel like that.  Must try and do better by my parents in future.  
 
Pana:  Love you Mary-Anne!
 
Mary-Anne:  Strange that we are needy as children and then again when we’re old. The age between being a child and an old person is very difficult. You have to try to divide your time between being a parent, working, your spouse, keeping house, school activities, church, social activities, sleeping and then still find time for your parents. Quite a balancing act. You know who comes off second best. We can’t gripe too much I suppose if there is genuine effort from their side to give us some of their time. Unfortunately there are many old people who have been abandoned by their families.  So very sad.
 
Pana:  Yes, when I nursed in an old folk's home I met many lonely old people who I learned to love dearly.  

I have learned to accept whatever genuine love comes to me and be very grateful for it no matter the portion.  But still, at this stage of my life, I have absolutely no confidence or comfort in the idea of getting older... no sense of security.  After my last agonising acute gout attack that lasted three months where I was very debilitated and very much alone bar for one or two caring people who popped in when they could for a few moments every now and then, I developed great trepidation at the idea of getting older and having to rely on others to care for me when I could no longer care for myself.  I even began to feel extremely suicidal and somehow knew that I would NOT want to live unloved and uncared for... in physical and/or emotional pain in my old age... for me, a very scary thought, even though I also know that my children love me dearly...

Just, everyone seems to be so busy these days... too busy. 

My loved ones, especially my grandchildren... and having other meaning potentials in my life keeps me 'wanting to stay' and for now... my book still needs to be finished... and other books I long to write... the hope of having them published someday... and counselling others means the world to me...

I'm not ready to go yet!
 
 
If anyone identifies with what Mary-Anne and I have discussed here, please write and share with me on my “Contacts” which will arrive via e-mail to me only.
 
 
Thank you
~ Pana