How my memory problem messes with my life! ~ Thieves!

~ Written 5th February 2016 ~
 
The day before yesterday, the 3rd February, was one of “those” days... The weather was overcast and I felt very distant and anxious all day long! In the morning I went to breakfast to celebrate my sister in law, Irene’s birthday, which was great refreshing and fun, and a little break from work. 
 
When my son and I were home again, we heard the neighbour’s gate making a really noisy sound... we both commented... "I wonder what the neighbours are up to"... and "That can't be good"... We are so used to our handyman neighbour coming and going, and working on things in his side of the carport, or his house that it didn’t even occur to us to go and check what was going on.

My son left for work before 12pm and he noticed the neighbour’s electric gate control box in pieces... thought nothing of it other than, “the neighbours must be fixing it”... he also saw a man on the complex rooftops... a week ago, we had workers fixing tiles on the roof after the huge hailstorm we’d had about a week before, so my son thought nothing of that either!

Later I went to fetch my grandchildren from school and returned at 14h15... I only then notice the box in pieces and I presumed the same as Andrew, but wanted to and intended to phone my neighbours just to check, but by the time I locked the car and my gate up and went inside with the children I had totally forgotten! 

Minutes after going inside, I heard someone running over my roof... felt uncomfortable so went to lock my back door to keep the children and I safe.

Later the neighbour’s wife came over to ask me about their broken gate box... I told her what I saw and when. Her husband soon arrived and although I was not in the carport at the time, his wife later told me that he was fuming mad about it all!

I felt so bad that I had not remembered to call them when I saw the box in pieces, that once my grandchildren had left with their parents around 7pm, I just started to cry... subconsciously taking all the blame for what happened...  script messages from the past causing my inner-child, Patty’s emotions to surface again!  So disappointed in myself... hearing my abusers nagging and insulting voices again, “You are so useless... so good for nothing... so stupid... nothing but a trouble maker... your neighbours’ think you’re a total idiot... you are an idiot... etc.”
 
Next minute the neighbour’s wife came over to give me a new key for a lock we will be sharing from now on to hold our gates locked closed together.  She saw I had been crying and asked... “Are you ok?”  Worst thing you can say when I’m in my child personality... and as expected, I just burst into a blubbering, sobbing mess of tears (how embarrassing for me, a 59 year old woman!).   Instead of judging me or making me feel any worse of a fool than I was already feeling, my neighbour’s wife insisted I open my security gate immediately, and when I did, she and came in and gave me a big hug and comforted me (Patty).  How very sweet of her... bless her. 
 
I felt a lot better after that, but only had 5 hours sleep that night!   I lay was wide awake at 3am!  I sat in my bed and did some long overdue mending of my old house dresses which have been mended so many times already and just keep falling apart again and again, because the material and stitching is so old and rotting now!  I can’t afford new clothes yet.  The money I made over Christmas needs to be used to improve drainage and security in my yard first. 
 
In the afternoon, when my son came home from work, he locked both gates together with two locks before he came inside, as agreed with the neighbours the night before, even though he was only going to be home for his hour’s lunch break. 
 
We could not believe it when we went out to the carport... my son went before me to open the gate, but called me to help him, because the new lock was such a struggle to open... it was then that we noticed that while my son was inside having his lunch, the neighbours gate motor which had been fixed the night before, had once again been broken into and parts stolen!   The crooks must have put their hands through the bars of the neighbours’ gate this time to steal from the motor again!
 
My son was late going back to work, because we could not get the gate open for a while... I managed to get it open for him eventually and locked up again! 
 
After my son had left and I called the neighbour to tell them what happened, it occurred to me that the neighbour might not even believe us that my son had locked the gate while he was home for lunch.  This also upset me terribly, because I would not have lied about that.  I knew I could prove it if the neighbour wanted proof, by taking him to where my son works to find out who called him because he was late going back to work.  But it was one of those situations where I just had to let it go... just hope and trust that my neighbours would believe that I did not lie about what happened.  But because of my inner-child feelings, I was left feeling guilty and judged about something I never even did... AARGH!
 
Due to the extreme anxiety of both days, I was unable to nap for the rest of the day yesterday... far too overstimulated by all the goings on.  I felt like a total zombie by the evening... my whole body vibrating inside due to my exhaustion!  Thankfully, after taking only one Rescue herbal calming remedy tablet before going to sleep last night, I managed 8 hours sleep!  That’s a lot for me and I’ve managed to get so much done today as a result for which I am very grateful!
 
(I will write more about my memory struggles sometime... it is seriously the bane of my life and the one thing that still keeps me from living to my optimum potential!)
 
 
 
Request: (while I’m on the subject of my clothing shortage) I am looking for second hand clothes in my size please.  If anyone is reading this who knows me, I have no idea what my size is anymore since I lost 30kg’s... I think medium-large baggy would be right... At around 95kg’s, I’m by no means thin and I don’t do well in tight clothes, also as a result of the effects of child abuse.  I feel very claustrophobic if my clothes are too tight.  It is only in recent years that I have been able to wear skirts and trousers with loose elastics around my waist without feeling claustrophobic and panicked.
 
Thank you ~ Pana