IT’S WORTH TAKING A CHANCE ON “LIFE”

On Thursday 27th I presented to a group of Logotherapy Advance course students at the university.  What a great day it was for me.  The acceptance and love I feel within the group is so strengthening to me, and thus allows me to overcome emotional obstacles and to rise up to my full potential in the moment.  A little stammering and losing my place at times, but I was still able to deliver my presentation (do what I went there to do), and I thoroughly enjoyed doing so. 

My work was received very well and that was a huge relief I must say.  When I am doing something for the first time, I am always worried that it might not be something interesting to others and that my own excitement about it might be proven silly!  Lacking confidence is not an easy thing to push through when facing something as demanding of someone like myself as standing up in front of others to present. 

I am in awe every time, that I could actually do it, even though I’ve now presented a number of times here and overseas!  Every time I am drained before I even get there... lack sleep... anticipatory anxiety... constant adrenaline overload... extreme exhaustion... and by the time it’s all over it takes me a day or two to recover from the build-up stress of it all as well as the overwhelming feelings of achievement and excitement that comes with knowing... I DID IT! 

I still find my own growth since I turned 50 surreal!  It’s hard for me to believe how far I have come! Prior to my 50’s, I often fantasised over escaping... dying just so that I didn’t have to feel and be so weak and sad anymore.  I had such a miserable existence that sleep tried to draw me away from reality relentlessly... the “deep sleep” I called it!  Living and “choosing life” was a constant battle for me!  My children were the only reason I succeeded.  My love and sense of responsibility towards them was far more powerful than my will to forever disappear into oblivion.

Our lives can be so filled with amazing surprises if we only give it a chance.  It can have the most incredible, unpredictable twists and turns... I would never have expected in a million years, that my life could have changed so much, or that I could feel this free of the many burdens that used to keep me down all the time! 

Why did it need to take 50 years for me to find out that there was more?  Could I not have realised these realities and all the potentials and possibilities lying dormant in me before?   

It just goes to show... it’s NEVER too late!
Hold onto hope and NEVER-EVER give up!

TOMORROWS SUN
© All rights reserved ~ www.pattyskeys.co.za

Oh thoughts of death – BE GONE!
What power you have,
To fill my heart with fear
And nightmares of the grave.

BE GONE! BE GONE!
You have no right to stay
And cause me so much dread,
Just GO AWAY!

For I intend to live
For many years to come…
Darkness, GO AWAY!
And bring me back the sun.

The glorious sun of hope and faith
That tomorrow will be grand,
Let me live to serve Thee Lord…
Please heal me with Thy Hand.

(28th November 1999)

I’m so grateful to be alive today,
~ Pana