Mother’s Day ~ An emotionally charged time for me

~ Posted 9th May 2016 ~
 
Because my own mother (living many miles away) had caused such an upset... as usual... around the time we celebrate our dear brother's birthday on 1st May and mourn his death 2nd May each year, I have been battling a little on an emotional level (deep sadness, intense frustration, anger, hurt, feelings of further being rejected, etc.), especially with Mother's Day so close.  It is hard to hear people speaking so highly of their mother's when I never had that blessing in my life because our mother so cruelly denied it to us.
 
Anyway, I am not my mother, so I just keep reminding myself of where I'm at in my own life as a mother to my own children and a grandmother to my beloved grandchildren and try not to think about her anymore, because thinking about her has always caused unwanted pain.
 
But... on Sunday afternoon, because of the hurt my mother had caused me/us once again, I just felt the strong need to go and visit my Greek mom's grave (our beloved stepmother)... she was the only real mom any of us ever really knew.  My brother is buried right next to her grave, because she brought him up from the time he was a baby and he loved her as his very own mother.
 
I asked my little sister (born to my dad and Greek mom) to come with me because I didn’t want to go alone.  I was feeling fine and happy all the way there... I just wanted to pay Mother's Day respects to my Greek mom on the day... but oh my... once we arrived, the whole flood of emotions came to the surface and I just cried and cried like a baby... I felt such an overwhelming sense of gratitude to the lady who had loved my sister and brother and I as if we were her own and always treated us with such kindness and respect... as precious, wanted, worthy and loved human beings.
 
I think that it was a good thing that I went to her graveside... it helped me to heal from the painful results my own mother's most recent game-attack!  I just wish she would leave us alone forever now... I can't take any more of her revenge against life and us, due to her own abused childhood, all aimed especially at the people she should never be hurting.
 
My little sister stood with me by our mother’s graveside and played on her cell phone “You Raise Me Up”... it was so beautiful and the tears just kept flowing... I’m glad she came with me.
 
In response to my last blog post about being hurt by my mother again, my biological sister who lives in Canada wrote (shared with permission):
 
"I don't have much to say about mom, she has always been a few fries short of a Mac Happy Meal. I am not at all surprised that she would do something spectacular and dramatic....she always seems to want to blow other people's candles out, it makes her feel better about herself....it's unfortunate, but the truth. I am glad dad didn't see what she did.  She is a sick soul."
 
(If any of my readers identify with anything I have shared, please feel free to write to me through my contacts page)
 
~ Pana