Neighbourly Love ~ 2

~ Posted 2 October 2015 ~
 
The night before last, I only managed 4 hours sleep, so I was wide awake around 01h30!  When I realised that sleep was not going to return, I just got up and continued with some office work that needed doing... wrote a few letters and did some time on Facebook.  The time went so quick that before I knew it, my youngest son’s 5am alarm went off for him to get up for work.  I knew by then it was too late for me to go back to sleep, so I thought I’d sleep again once he had gone. 
 
At around 08h30 I was so tired I felt awful and went to lie down... there I lay for just over an hour, unable to sleep because my nerves were so on edge that I felt like they were vibrating all over my body... so I finally got up and carried on with my day.  The lie down had helped quite a bit. 
 
As the day wore on, I began to feel progressively worse, and my left arm began to feel weak and heavy which is something I’m quite used to if the weather gets too hot, or if I am very stressed and tired, so I knew it was time to just go relax completely for the rest of the day, because I couldn’t even think straight to work anymore.  Luckily, my grandchildren didn’t come to aftercare because their mommy stayed at home from work, so that was a blessing, because I know I would have been hopeless in being there for them in the exhausted state I was in.
 
I was waiting for my son to get home from work at 21h00 after he’d dropped off the other workers at their homes.  I really don’t feel comfortable with him driving all over at that time of the night, so I couldn’t fully relax until he arrived home. 
 
In the meantime, my youngest sister called to see how things were and I told her how tired I was and about my left arm feeling so weak and heavy... next thing she arrives with her stethoscope to check my blood pressure and pulse... she’s so sweet J  My blood pressure was very low... which is another story, because I used to suffer from very high blood pressure and all of a sudden, since I lost 30kg’s after I changed my diet to self-treat my diabetes and gout, I’m now suffering from very low blood pressure... weird!  This is why I’d love to have health insurance, so that I can have myself properly checked out in a safe and trusted environment... but until I can afford that, I am on my own with only my nursing training (medical background) and looking things up on the Internet to keep me going. 
 
My new (previously owned car) isn’t starting, so my sister went out to check on it and look at the battery, but while she was out there so late at night, my neighbours heard the noise of someone by the cars and came out to check as theirs is parked next to mine in a double carport at night.  Mira told them about the car giving me problems and the next thing; they were totally involved in doing everything they could to help.  Because I didn’t have jumper cables, they even called a friend who arrived to help out also.  They couldn’t get the car started in the end and between them they decided that the battery was cooked and I need a new one, so took the old one out ready for me to take with when I purchase a new one. 
 
I couldn’t believe how kind and willing the neighbours were, as if I was someone important enough... special enough... worthy enough for them to take from their time to be there for a neighbour who they hardly know... and my sister right there throughout it all. 
 
As an adult survivor of child abuse (and I’m not speaking for all adult survivors of child abuse... just those like me), it is the hardest thing ever to ask for help, or to expect it, or to even receive it comfortably, because deep down the feelings of unworthiness and self-loathing make it very hard to put the emotions into perspective around such kindness being directed at “me”... “Why, would they do that for me?”... I can’t even explain how hard it is for me to grasp...
 
Yet, it is so beautiful to my heart that anyone would do that for me, that at the same time, I feel overwhelmed with love for them all right now and wonder how I could ever thank them enough. 
 
My neighbour also kindly mowed my “verge lawn” yesterday again as they said they were going to do whenever they mowed theirs from now on... how kind they are?  I have always had wonderful neighbours, but since I moved to this house, my work has kept me so busy and so “indoors”, that it took longer to get to know these ones this time.  I am so grateful for good neighbours.
 
So, between my dear little sister and my kind neighbours, I felt so loved by the time I went to sleep last night.  To ensure that I would sleep well, I took ¼ sleeping pill and believe it or not, I slept a full 9 hours.  Shew... I made up for lack of sleep in a big way! 
 
Then today my sister took me shopping in her car and while I was there, my daughter who had heard about my need for a new car battery, let me know that her and my son in law would help.
 
My heart is very full of love today as a result.  There are such beautiful people in this world, and I am very grateful for them all.
 
~ Pana