Still hurting ~ the hurt always lingers on for a while

~ Posted 11 May 16 ~

That’s how it’s always been - We keep on hurting until the lifesaving “NUMBNESS” returns again and leaves “THE NOTHING” so that our own lives can continue without the painful reminders of our past...

A hard lesson we had to learn with our mother and one that took us most of our lives to master.

We forgave and forgave until she left us with nothing to hope in anymore... we were hurt one time too much after many times of hurting... and then our hearts just quietly shut down to the hope of ever knowing our mother's true love... it was just never to be... but still, we cannot hate her for all she did and continues to do to “get back at her world” with her “I’ll hurt you before you hurt me” choice of functioning and dealing with her own painful past that still haunts her present...
 
She too was a seriously abused child and still has her own inner-child of extreme turmoil over her own childhood sufferings, screaming and screaming inside of her... the hopeless, endless scream of the abused child.

Still... this is no excuse for continually hurting others... especially those who she is supposed to love and those who would love her still if only she would stop being such a threat to them and a constant reminder of what destruction she's capable of, especially if we try anymore to let ourselves get too close to her... A futile struggle that we have finally been released of because, her rejection which has always cut like a knife has finally won over our desperate fight for her love...
 
But those who she still allows to get close to her will never believe a shred of this... and so the judgement against us never ends... and her abuse continues through “them”.
 
It is what it is... and life must go on...
 
~ Pana
 
Some Logotherapy Quotes