THERE IS MORE... THERE IS ALWAYS MORE...

~ Posted 16th October 2015 ~
 
I have always believed this... that my life has a purpose and that if I continue to reach out from my fears, and out of my comfort zone to achieve that purpose, doors will be opened and my purpose will become clearer and more possible as I enter each one of those doors, no matter how much I fear change and the unknown...
 
And what's even more surprising to me is that I am proving this theory to be true in my own life... every time I think there can't be anything more I could possibly be capable of... I find out there is... so even though I still have struggles, I have come so far...
 
Now that makes me think... if all this healing and growth was possible... could there still be more?... and so this fuels my will for living even against what I believe are still great odds, because as scared as I am of living sometimes, this journey has been so exciting in recent years, that I don't want to miss any possibilities that might still exist for me.
 
Every day I wake up alive, I feel a sense of rejoicing to know that I have another chance to heal more, discover more and grow more and prove more, not only to myself, but also to all those who never believed in me in my past... all the judges, finger pointer and naysayers who caused my journey to be so much harder and more painful. 
 
I can’t let this potential for further healing discovery be lost in the ever-draining and exhausting whirlpool of my life...
 
I must continue this struggle to stay on the surface and swim upstream no matter how hard it feels and is for me at times.
 
I’ve come too far to let go of this life now...
 
I have to believe there is more and that it is worth fighting for...
 
I must cling to hope...
 
I must go on...
 
I know there are others out there who live in constant fear and inner turmoil each and every day and feel there is just no more hope for their life and maybe they also find that the world just doesn’t understand...
 
Hopefully if you are one of these who are struggling in a similar way to what I have, you realise that many others just can’t understand, because they haven’t been where you’ve been or walked in your shoes, my message to you today and every day that you and I survive to live the next, is that there is definitely hope for “MORE”...
 
You are more powerful than you might possibly believe right now. 
 
Your life does have a unique purpose and this world does need you, even if you can’t see that right now... even if “they” can’t see that right now.
 
Your experience is unique, and there is someone out there waiting to receive your message of healing and hear your voice which although might have been silenced as a result of abuse... it still exists and is just waiting for you to find a way to use it, hear it and believe in it again.
 
I pray that if you cannot find your voice on your own, that mine might somehow help you to find yours.
 
I know that my blog won’t suit everyone, especially those who have never experienced what you and I have, but that’s ok, because this blog is not for them, it is for YOU from me.
 
I know you are there, because I have felt your anguish, your longings and your struggle since I was a little girl.

A poem I wrote about 19 years ago...
 
TO WEAR THE VICTORS CROWN
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To suffer without complaint, now wouldn’t that be grand?
To find a place of inner peace and love, holding another’s reaching hand!
To be kicked when you’re already down, and take your suffering alone!
To rise above real sadness and all the horrors you have known!
Instead of becoming bitter, you choose to get better!
Instead of giving up, you choose to grow!
Wouldn’t that be wonderful, for surely you will know?
There’s a purpose for your trials.  There’s a purpose for your pain,
God is always with you, and your trials are for your gain.
He would never give you burdens more than you could bear,
But when it seems He has, just think, and see, and hear.
For He sends messages and miracles to comfort you when down,
If you could only notice them, you could wear the Victors Crown.
Bad memories won’t have power and as you grow and go the length,
You’ll find many others suffering who would sorely need of your strength.
In a uniquely special way you could uplift them through experiences you’ve had,
Through your love and understanding, their suffering won’t be so bad.
And as you lose yourself in service, you’ll find such longed for peace and love,
For God will smile upon you from His heaven up above.
 
(7th December 1996)
 
~ Pana