An unexpected visit to the USA to say goodbye to my Anne

​This has to be the hardest blog post to write, not only because it’s about the funeral visit of my sister, but also because so much has happened over this time, that I don’t know what on earth I will be able to remember and make sense of here… all seems too overwhelming and I’d rather not write about it, but at the same time, I won’t be able to rest until I do and feel it is safely stored outside of me... so, I will try.
 
As mentioned in a previous blog post, (My Beloved Sister Anne ~ May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You - Posted 19/2/2019), my dear niece, Brie, let me know that my sister (in-law), had suffered a series of strokes, and on the 29th, Brie let me know that my Anne had passed away on the 28th in Utah (their time being 9 hours before ours in South Africa).  I was devastated beyond words, because just like with my Greek mom who died in 2004, I could not imagine this world without my Anne in it. 
 
Anne, just like my own sister who also lives on the other side of the world from me, had been one of my most steadfast and faithful friends over all the years I’d known her, and she was one person who stood by me through all my ups and downs and she never gave up on me no matter what.  During the years I was married to her narcissistically abusive brother, she wrote to me daily… her support was true and filled with love and meaning, because she of all people, understood what my children and I were going through living with that man.   Anne was always there for me (I was there for her too), and she always believed in me… she was never ashamed of me and was my biggest supporter on my blog.  She did not hide her (known) name here… Patricia Shaw… and seemed proud and honoured to be related to me and a real part of my life.  As mentioned in the previous post, Anne too had known child abuse, so she believed in what I was doing on my blog… she gave me confidence and helped me to believe in what I am doing here also… my Anne’s unconditional love and acceptance of me was pure and true…
 
My world is feeling a very lonely place now that she is gone.  I will miss my Anne’s support here, and right now, this is the source of my deep sadness, because this is where I needed most what she gave to me in acknowledging and accepting who I have become today, along with all my chaotic thoughts and emotions, etc. 
 
Who could as authentically and honestly, be that for me now… WHO?  I believe that my faraway sister would if she could but, I believe that she does not have the time or energy to keep up with all my blogging “stuff”… and I understand and accept that, because I understand her life circumstances.  Sweet Brie said that she would take over from my Anne, to be there for me… I think that would be a tough task to take on for such a young friend, because I have experienced that very few can withstand or even understand my constant ups and downs, but how lovely is my niece for wanting to try… and I believe she will too... Bless her dear heart ❤
 
My Anne’s passing has left me feeling quite alone in the world… something I can’t explain.  Others have gotten that close to me before, but have eventually tired of me, or become angry and pulled away… she never did… (the tears just keep running)...  I was there for her too… she suffered a lot in her later years… cancer… cancer treatment lung damage… on oxygen most of the time… in a wheelchair… diabetes type 2, kidney failure and regular dialysis, etc.  I once did a Logotherapy dream interpretation on her childhood daydream world which helped her so much… we were very close…
 
I now understand better at last, Frankl’s quote: “Having been is the surest way of being.” (Frankl, 2006, p.121) I had with my sister, what very few have ever known or recognised in this world… one of the greatest treasures for the heart and soul ever ❤ I also understand better the quote, “It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all” ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson
 
Anne’s was the purest form of true love that I have ever known, other than what I’d shared with my younger sister throughout our lives.
 
On January the 28th, before my Anne’s passing, I woke in the morning to the sound I’d missed for quite a while… the very loud chirping of a little sparrow outside my window.  That was such a delight to my soul… I hadn’t heard him in ages, so I knew that was a sign once again, that I was not alone while I struggle with my fears that my sister might die.  I have not heard the little bird outside my window again since, but I am comforted for the gift of it’s sweet chirping and rejoicing to the world on that day.  The 28th was the day my sister passed away on the other side of the world and I was reminded that in all the horrors of this world, there is still reason to rejoice in each new day that I am blessed to live and experience… to have yet another chance to grow in wisdom and strength… another day of healing possibilities… my sister would have wanted me to think in this way… to see the light shining through all of the darkness that keeps coming and trying to consume me.
 
On the January 29th, I received the news of my sister’s passing, and on the same day, it was my other near-by sister in law’s birthday. 
 
I wrote on Facebook:
Please forgive me for not being able to go over your messages yet today... every time I try to read, I want to cry and it's easier not to feel too much right now... I've been deliberately keeping too busy today, so I don’t have to cry...
 
It’s my other sister (in law), Irene's birthday breakfast this morning, and that helped to take my mind off of things for a while and it was lovely to be with her and my littlest sister and dad, but the minute I got home I started to cry again... then my dear Logotherapy colleague visited and that was a special distraction... then I needed to go pick the children up from school for aftercare and then my sister in law invited me to an early supper with her and our family.
 
I don't want to think about my sister's passing today... I actually feel a little angry at Life for taking her away... but that's selfish and I just need some time please... I hope you understand...
 
Keeping busy is helping me to block the pain as best as I can... I'm sure I will be able to connect with you all again tomorrow and will make sure I have a good night’s sleep so I can... Thank you so much for being here, even when I feel I can't be... you are all so loved.
 
I also feel quite guilty about going out to celebrate my other sister in law's birthday, (as if I'm supposed to be sitting here crying instead... but surely that's not honouring my Anne) but at the same time... I love this other sister in law also and it is her birthday today... and I know that my sister in Heaven would prefer me to be out with my family which is in its own way healing for us all (after recent family struggles), instead of sitting here crying about my Anne… I know that would make her so sad also.
 
You have all done so much responding over the last few days... what a difference you have made... so I don't expect anyone to respond to this one also. This is just an update.
 
Goodnight everyone and love to you all.
 
Well, as usual, many of my FB friends did respond and so kindly too.  I particularly loved the response from my nephew John, from the other side of the world.  He wrote:
 
“You have no need to feel guilty aunt Pan. She loved you so much and would not want that. She'd rather you be celebrating life with friends and family, enjoying it to the fullest, than focusing on the sad side.”
 
So, on the day of my sister’s passing, I did share in the celebration of my sister-in-law, Irene’s birthday breakfast and supper.  By some lovely twist of fate, my son’s work closed early that night and he was able to join us for supper which was really special, and I know that the terrible pain I could have wallowed in all day, was prevented by the synchronicity of Life that always seems to happen at just the right moment in time.  It is these synchronicities that happen so often in my life, that keep on reminding me, that I am not alone in this world… none of us ever are.  We are being watched over and loved during every life event that we go through… good or bad. 
 
This reminds me of one of my favourite poems:
 
God Moves in a Mysterious Way
 
God moves in mysterious ways
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.
 
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill
He treasures up His Bright designs,
And works His sovereign will.
 
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.
 
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
 
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.
 
Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
 
~ William Cowper
 
 
30th January 2019
Was I ever in for a surprising day! Everything happened so fast and unexpectedly. 
 
I received a message from Brie:
“Pats funeral will be Friday. We were hoping you could come we will fly you out.  I think Pat would love that.  It would have to be on Wednesday to make the funeral.”
 
(Just a reminder to avoid confusion… I knew my sister as Anne, but most of everyone on her side of the world knew her as Pat)
 
Well, I could have fainted when I received Brie’s message.  IMPOSSIBLE was all I could think.  It was already Wednesday on my side of the world and she was telling me to fly on that very day… I was dumbfounded… filled with a myriad of other emotions at the very thought. 
 
I responded in a series of messages: (shortened below)
Are you talking about my Anne's funeral being this week?  It's already Wednesday... how could I ever do everything so soon that I'd be leaving here today... I can't even imagine how it would be possible...What I'd give to be standing with you at Pat's funeral, to support you at that moment in time when you say your last goodbye... but honestly Brie... how could I do that today... how could all of it be arranged so quickly... I just can't imagine that it would be possible... not even from your side... I wouldn't even know where to start to make it happen.  And surely dearest Brie... that's a huge amount of money from your side too and I am sure that Pat would want you to use that to bless your own lives right now.  Oh, my Brie... thank you for suggesting it... you are such a sweet angel... I love you so much ❤ ❤ ❤
😍
 
Brie
Rich said if you can't come now then we need to plan for you to come out to meet my little ones and see where your Anne is laid to rest. We feel like all of our family is gone... we lost the last family we had. You were Anne's and now your ours! ❤
 
Me
My dearest Brie, I still can't believe it would be possible, but My daughter in law tells me it is, so this would be entirely up to you and your finances... I have a feeling this is far too expensive, because it would be about R20 000 for a return flight and that would be about USD 1471.38... that's a lot of money my Brie and you'd still need to feed me while I'm there.  I live mostly on salads and some meats and egg white, etc.
😍 It must be in the middle of the night there and I can't believe we were both writing at the same time.  Anyway... see what you think... I'm happy with another time, or to leave tonight... my goodness me... sounds impossible, but my daughter in law assures me it would be possible... and yes… I am your family forever.  My daughter in law said that if you were going to book for tonight she's already researched flights... it would need to be Delta airlines... Johannesburg to Atlanta with the one that has a four hour layover and then onto Salt Lake City... and with wheelchair assistance, because I would be too scared to try and get to all where I'm supposed to be on my own.  I'm happy with now or another time my dear Brie and Rich... so there would be no rush depending on your finances... I have no money.  I'd probably travel with R1000 with help from family, just so I can buy water on the way or something, but that's all... I wouldn't even be able to bring you gifts, but I would bring you my TRUE LOVE... that's all I have and some REAL HUGS too... ❤ ❤ ❤
 
Well, everything went crazy from that moment on… I still can’t believe that making a HUMONGOUS decision like that at the start of the day and being on the plane that same night was a possibility… Shew… I don’t get around much do I!
 
Luckily, my multiple entry visa to the USA was still active.  My last trip to the states was in 2013, when my far away sister invited me to visit her in Canada in support of my desire to attend the 19 World Congress of Logotherapy in Dallas Texas.  She wanted to join me at the congress, where I was to present my work.  My beautiful sister and her husband covered all the financial side of my trip and while I was in the USA, my sister also accompanied me on a visit to our Anne in Utah.  That was a treasured time for the three of us to spend time together and just share in the love we had for each other.  I will be forever grateful for that beautiful time as sisters altogether.

​My Anne in the white floral shirt and my lovely sister Shev (Sharon), standing behind us. 
 
I was also in a wheelchair for my entire visit to the USA in 2013.  I had unfortunately developed an acute gout attack just prior to leaving on my trip, due to too much excitement and fear of the scary world of travelling so far on my own.  I even had to present to the group at the Logotherapy World Congress, standing with crutches.  Those were the days that I refused to take medication for the pain… but all that stopped in 2017 after the worst acute gout attack ever that occurred after my devastating computer crash… from then on, I’ve taken medication whenever I felt it necessary and I have not had another acute attack since then, thankfully.  Poor Shev had to push me everywhere, because I could not use my aching swollen foot at all.  She is the most loving and caring sister ever and my time with her at the World Congress of Logotherapy in Dallas, Texas and most of my entire journey with her was one of the happiest times in my life. 
 
I don’t mind that our three sisters photo ended up so blurry, because it kind of represented the very short time I had with my Anne… that it went by in a flash and a blur… but the joy on all of our faces is all I need to remember.  What a wonderful sisters-together-time that was.  I had only really started to lose weight by the start of 2013, so I was still rather hefty at the time of this photo.
 
The trip to Utah on Wednesday evening 2019, to attend my sister Anne’s funeral.
My 2nd son and daughter in law did all that they could to assist me to get ready and to be at the airport on time, even though we’d only made that decision that morning.  They went above and beyond to help me, so that everything would go smoothly and gave me the confidence I needed to begin this great and very rushed adventure. 
 
From the moment the decision for me to go was made, my tummy became upset and stayed that way for almost my entire stay in the USA, so it was even more important that I had the isle seat on the plane. 
 
My greatest fear for flying, was that my diet is so restricted now, that I did not know how I would cope on the plane.  I took with whatever I could in my bag, but still the fear remained, because it was going to be a 21-hour trip and no shops I could just pop into easily along the way for exactly what I needed for my dietary requirements.
 
Soon after boarding the plane, an lovely Air flight attendant named Sandy introduced herself to me… when I plucked up the courage, I told her how worried I was about my diet, because the first meal that arrived was practically inedible for me and my needs. 
 
From the menu, I chose chicken thigh with oriental stir fry and basmati rice… when it arrived, it was a small tray with a small section of what looked like small cubes of chicken in gravy filling half of a small section and the other half the stir fry. 
 
So for starters, I am not supposed to eat anything with seed oils, so the stir fry was a problem, but I ate it after removing any ground and pumpkin type vegetables… that left about a tablespoon of what looked like spinach… spinach is high in purines which can trigger gout, so not ideal… ground vegetables and pumpkin type veggies, have sugars in them, so they are not ideal for diabetes… keeping in mind, that I am totally controlling my diabetes and gout with diet alone… it is very rarely that I take anything for aching joints, and I never take anything for the diabetes, because that is so well under control… I don’t even test for sugar anymore… it’s totally unnecessary.   I even had to search for my sugar tester to take with, because I thought I’d better as I was worried about what I’d have to eat while I was away and felt I might need to  monitor myself in any emergency situations, so that I’d know what to tell someone, if I needed help.  I even took my very old and outdated (2012) Glycomin tablets with, for just in case.  I am definitely one to think ahead of all the possible emergency scenarios, so I was well prepared. On the tray was also a tiny salad… if I remember right, it had a few chunks of cucumber in it… maybe three of four cherry tomatoes, but the rest was chick peas… I had to take them out, because they contain too much carbs for my diet.  (I can eat tomatoes… they don’t seem to trigger my gout at all… I believe it’s different for everyone).  There was also a lovely pudding on my plate, but I could not eat any of it as it contained carbs and sugars.
 
So, when I had a chance, I asked the flight attendant, Sandy, if she could help me.  I told her that because my diet was Banting based, I could only eat the right fats, and needed those to balance my sugars… (seed oils could trigger the gout), so she brought me a bunch of little individually wrapped butters.  She also brought me an apple, which I could eat as a quick sugar booster if I felt my sugar was getting too low.  She was so kind to me.  She made sure I had milk when I needed it, which contains just enough fats and sugars to keep the sugar balanced also.  I asked to be woken mid-flight for a snack… and when the Chicken on Ciabatta with tomato pesto arrived, all I could eat, was the chicken, and thankfully it was a fair amount that was stuffed into that little bread type roll. 
 
For breakfast the menu options was “cheese cigar omelet with grilled bacon, or pancakes with mixed berry coulis and vanilla custard sauce”… I couldn’t eat any of that… so, Sandy had also given me a good few little wrapped blocks of cheese, which were lifesavers!  I generally try not to eat too much dairy or fats, but in this case, I had no option.  I don’t know what I would have done if it wasn’t for that flight attendant angel named Sandy.  Her presence alone helped me immensely in feeling safe on the flight… I was not alone. 
 
Another wonderful miracle happened for me on that flight.  I’d ended up with a back row of three seats all to myself.  As a result, I was able to lie down to sleep.  I honestly believed that my sister had somehow managed to organize that from the other side of the veil, not only the trip for me, but also those three seats.  I felt the blessing of her love.
 
But by the morning, I had developed a terrible headache… I thought it was due to tiredness, because it was a restless night.  I had totally forgotten what water retention felt like, because I hadn’t had it for so many years due to better health habits.  By the time I realised it was water retention, it was already very far gone, and my head was throbbing terribly!  I felt positively ill… it was too late to take a water pill because we were soon to land… (believe it or not, for some reason, I’d thrown those in my bag also in the rush before leaving home… for just in case… and they were also very outdated!)  Being so close to the airport by the time I realised it was water retention, I was too scared to take a water pill, because I never knew if I’d be able to get to the bathrooms every half an hour once the pill started to work… so I had to wait.  I took the pill as soon as Brie got me to her house… they also dosed me with something to help with my splitting head.
 
On the morning I arrived at the Salt Lake City airport, after traveling for 21 hours, it was Thursday morning 10h10, because I’d gone backwards in time on the flight… the whole time thing is all very confusing to my mind. 
 
Preparing my sister for our last goodbye to her
On the same day I arrived, I went with Brie and three of my Anne’s sons (my nephews), and her other daughter in law and a friend, to the chapel where we were to help dress Anne, in preparation for her burial.  I had previously helped prepare friends who had passed on, for their burial, but never had I ever experienced it as beautiful as I did on this day for my sister. 
 
The Utah Valley Mortuary, is attached to my sister’s church there, and therefore catered for the requirements of burials according to her faith.  I was so impressed with how lovely it was all done and my headache faded very quickly once I arrived there with my family. 
 
We were greeted kindly and warmly, (like good friends) by the gentleman in charge of the place.  He did not look like a scary mortician at all, but rather a brother or uncle, dressed neatly in a suit with a white shirt and tie.  He invited us into a large room where my sister was lying on a table.  She was dressed in a beautiful long white dress, with her arms folded across her chest.  I don’t have much of a visual memory at all… I have never had much in the way of visual memories… like I can’t shut my eyes now and see what I saw then… I just have vague memories… the large room… remembering beautiful furniture, even though I can’t see it in my mind… and I can remember, but not see anymore, that my sister looked so peaceful. 
 
The people at the funeral home had already washed and dressed her and even applied some hints of makeup, so that she looked as if she was just sleeping.  Some of us even thought we caught her smiling… that’s just how peaceful she looked.  There was beautiful music playing, but so very softly and so distant, that I imagined that I was hearing it coming from Heaven.  Maybe that was the intention.
 
When I stood by my sister’s side, I cried… it was the reality I needed to prove she was gone… so I guess she knew that a trip to the USA was most needed if I was to ever accept her death.  (now the tears return as I write this… just remembering that moment in time again).  I kissed her on her cheek and told her I loved her.  We each there, had our special moment with her and then, according to their religion, we all had a hand in helping to finish dressing her… A white veil on her head, white slippers on her feet, a white cape over her dress and apron also.  In her hands, if I remember right, was a white handkerchief.  I was so impressed that her sons were sharing this experience with us.  I’d only ever experienced the preparing of a person for burial with other women, so this was something new and wonderful for me to witness.
 
Once my Anne was dressed and looking like an angel lying there ready for her burial the next day, I remember us standing around her bed and… I can’t remember anything much else… I remember we all had a good cry… and I remember breaking down in tears, and mentioning how much she believed in me and supported me throughout all the years we’d known each other.  How it didn’t matter whether I was angry, or made mistakes, or what, she never gave up on loving me… her loving support was the one constant I could always rely on and I wondered how I could live without that now.  I remember mentioning also, how she was my greatest support on my blog… never ashamed of what I shared here… she openly left her comments of love and support, even with her full name there… Patricia Shaw… the last time she commented was on 13th January this year… (13 was her favourite number… I wonder if there’s any significance in that).  For some reason, thinking that I’d never have her commenting on my blog posts again, caused me more sadness than anything else about losing her.  I think that was because her loving comments were her way of really authenticating me here… she believed in me… she supported my posts, even when I believe that so many others negatively judge them or are just here for the sake of curiosity and gossip.  My Anne was consistent with her love and support… I could rely on her always being there for me… and somehow that reliance was now shattered into a million pieces… all I had left, was my belief, that I have true friends in Heaven, and that she would be added among them now.  

​I wondered how my Anne would let me know she was with me… my brother had found a way and some others also… but how would my Anne show me her presence I wondered?  I had to believe that she would, or, I knew that I would not be able to bare her complete absence in my life.  (She did find a way… I will share about that sometime, but in the meantime, I think about the sudden opportunity to be able to go to her funeral on the other side of the world… the beautiful, kind flight attendant, Sandy… and those three empty seats that I could lie down on during the flight).
 
One of the last things my Anne wished for on that last comment she made on my blog post that I posted on the 11th January, was:
 
“I hope with all my heart that your fund raising for a bike for Shem will truly come to pass. What a wonderful man he is.”
 
I never did receive the amount of R1000 that I requested for Shem, but he has since managed to purchase a better than nothing previously owned bike.
 
Friday, February 1st ~ My Anne’s Funeral – our last goodbye
Once again, I can’t remember everything.  I needed to look at the funeral service program right now, just to remember what time we went to the chapel where my sister’s open white casket was placed in the corner of a lovely room with chairs all around.  (I would love to be buried in a white casket when it’s my time to leave this world).  It was just perfect for my sister and I remember thinking that it was beautiful.  In the passage outside the door, my nephews had set up a TV with streaming of many photos of “favourite moments of Anne’s life” showing in rotation.   Those were so lovely to see also. 
 
I sat in that room and some lovely young women from my sister’s church came to talk to me.  They made me feel loved and accepted there.  For some reason, I can’t remember talking to anyone else, other than two of my sister’s very special friends who she had written so kindly about to me over the years.
 
People were going up to my sister’s casket to say their last goodbyes… I remember seeing some members of her church coming in and setting up a board filled with their photographic memories of Anne on a table in the room… when I saw that, I started to cry… I don’t know why.  I think maybe it was because I could see that someone else loved her enough, to do something so special for her on her goodbye day.  My heart was warmed by their love.
 
Somewhere along the line, I think it was the funeral director, who came to ask me if I wanted to go say a last goodbye to my sister in her open casket.  I was kind of glued to my seat, not wanting to say goodbye, but my sister’s brother in law, David, a gentle man, stepped forward and took my hand, escorting me up to her coffin where I said my goodbye… I think I was crying… I remember my nephew was sitting nearby and I didn’t want to upset him, so tried to hold it in… but I think I didn’t succeed very well.
 
After that, all I remember is being in the chapel… beautiful speeches about my sister’s life and how much she was loved and how much she did for all who knew and loved her.  I remember someone played the piano… and a young lady played the violin… I remember “Amazing Grace”… I can’t remember if that was the violinist or the bagpiper who played that… both played so beautifully… I remember that much and thinking how pleased my sister would be… she loved bagpipes in particular, and I was so happy for her that she had those playing to send her off.  The piper was dressed in his full Scottish outfit… kilt and all… he was lovely.
 
Then we were standing beside her grave… there was no piles of sand… no mud and stones to stumble over… everything was so neat and perfect, with the inside of the grave and edges neatly covered in green cloth… I’d never experienced that before.
 
I think the bagpiper standing a little way off was already playing when we arrived… it all feels like a far distant memory to me now… I wonder where my mind goes off to sometimes, because I have such a patchy memory!  I just remember how lovely his playing was… a film from my childhood came to mind, ‘Finnian’s Rainbow’… “Why?” I wonder… were there bagpipes in that film… or was it just the foggy atmosphere of the film and in my mind just then.  I made a point of going to thank the piper when he ceremony was over.  I know my sister would have wanted to thank him, so I felt to do it on her behalf… and I hugged him also.
 
When we first arrived at the burial site, something wonderful happened… it happened so unexpectedly and suddenly!  The funeral director came up to me with a mike in his hand and asked if I’d like to say something for my sister when he started the proceedings in a few minutes… I heard myself saying that I’d love to sing, but I’m not sure I’d be able to… he responded kindly… said, that when he opened, he’d give everyone the option and if I wanted to I could just indicate…
 
And almost immediately he was talking and asked the question, and before I knew it, I reached out for the microphone… I was not going to miss my opportunity to sing for a very special loved one again.  I had missed it at my Greek mom’s funeral, and my dear old friend, Norma Bester’s funeral, because I was too shy… but I was NOT going to miss the opportunity and live with regrets again.  I didn’t care if I made a mess up… I was still going to do this for my sister right there and then!  AND I DID!  I sang, “May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You”.  I wish I could post music onto my blog so I could share with you the song as I sang it, but as I can’t here is a link to Jim Reeves singing it: 
 
May the Good Lord Bless and Keep You
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PD9KLA4qz3A
 
(If anyone wants to hear me singing it on the clip, I made for Brie to play to my sister before she had crossed over, you can send a letter through my blog contact e-mail address with your e-mail address for me to send it… I’m not quite Jim Reeves, but I did my best for my sister).
 
I think I did a pretty good job of singing at my sister’s funeral… no focusing on my nerves, even though I was visibly shaking… not wondering if I would make a mistake, or make a fool of myself… no big knot in my throat that has always prevented me from singing in public… even though, I did get one word slightly wrong… I knew it straight away, but for the first time in my life, it didn’t matter to me that I slipped up… it wouldn’t have changed the meaning much at all and certainly not in any negative way.  All I know, is that I am so grateful that I was able to do that for my sister, and I was told afterwards that I sang beautifully and have a lovely voice. 
 
Who would expect a dream to come true at a funeral… Life is such a beautiful, magical, miraculous, mystery to me.
 
Another thing that I know my sister would have really loved, is that her family had actually managed to find flame lily flowers to put on her casket… she had grown up in Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe), so flame lilies, which were the national flower of Rhodesia at the time, were something so beautiful that she loved very much, just as I do.

​After the funeral, we went to have lunch, which was provided by my sister’s church sisters… it was a huge and delicious lunch, so beautifully prepared and with such obvious love.
 
Another thing I remember about the day, was lots of love and hugs… I think those tender mercies, given so freely and generously, are what got me through the day in one piece.
 
This is all I want to share today, and I will write a bit about the rest of my stay in the USA and since then in the next blog post. 
 
Thank you so much for sharing this special post with me,
 
~ Panayiota