CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND ~ Loving unconditionally

​My beloved little brother Peter [Petros] – (I have written about him at end of this post)

I had just written about my green balloon on the roof experience, when a struggling friend responded.  I have included (with permission), portions of our conversation below because I believe it will fit well with my recent posts.  
 
I ask that there is no “bashing” of this friend for her current reaction to her struggles.  This post is not about what a person does right or wrong according to our meter, but rather about gently guiding a person to find their “rightness” in their situation, as this friend is obviously crying out for… to find her sense of peace in that place where everything seems to be going so wrong and so often seems too overwhelming to deal with. 
 
As parents, and brothers and sisters, etc., we have ideas of how things should be, according to our own set values, our own imaginations, dreams, fantasies and wishes, etc.  I believe, that in the real world, and in a good, caring, loving and healing world, we learn that if love is to be unconditional, sometimes it is ourselves who have to find a way to change our attitude towards a situation and perhaps just to accept others “where they are”, especially those whom we are supposed to love unconditionally, even if what they are doing, or what they have become, goes against everything we have come to believe in, or been indoctrinated to believe in, etc. 
 
This is not about blindly accepting what is wrong in this world or in another person as we perceive wrong to be… it is about loving unconditionally where unconditional love is the one and only place where peace can still be found, regardless of a situation which sometimes is not in our power to change.  Often, changing our own attitude towards a “bad, wrong or difficult” situation that we have little control over, will greatly benefit not only ourselves, but other/s also.
 
I have interjected some Logotherapy quotes throughout

"Attitudinal values are values which we experience through the right attitudes we have towards life, especially towards inexplicable suffering” (Shantall, 2003, p.40) ~ The Quest for Destiny
 
“Attitudinal values rank higher than creative and experiential values” (Frankl, 2000, p.124) ~ Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaning
 
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” (Frankl, 2008, p. 75) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
So, when we believe we have tried everything else and we are left feeling totally hopeless and helpless to “change” the one we feel needs changing… why then don’t we instead, try LOVE…. Unconditional Love.  I have tried this, and have proved time and time again, that it works more powerfully than anything else.  The feelings of love must be real for it to work.
 
Conversation adapted/shortened for this blog post
 
FRIEND
I am going to try this Pan.
 
Panayiota
What's that (friend)?  Looking for signs of love, protection and goodness that are always coming to us?  I hope you get yours. I get mine also on the time... all the combinations of times, especially all the combinations of ones and twos which happen most, 11:11, 11:12, 21:21, but others also, such as, 14h14, 18h18, etc. I take those as signs that someone is with me and loves me. I see them when I glance at my watch quickly during work, or when I've just done something good or kind, such as I’ve just WhatsApped a friend with my love.  So, to me it's like Life is telling me "Thank you" or “You are loved”, and then in my own gratitude for believing this, I feel more inclined to do good, more often... so it all feels beautiful to me. Then there's the butterflies and birds that come to visit, just when I need a sign most, one will come fly right next to me, or even a bird landing on my back like what happened the other day. The more you become aware of the signs from Life (Heaven) that you are not alone, the more you see them... it's a beautiful thing dear friend, and so reassuring and life-strengthening.
 
FRIEND
Feeling the need for somebody from the otherside just coming to console me. Wanting so very much to accept the unacceptable, especially now that my son is trying to prove to us he is gay. Then, all of a sudden when I am thinking of somebody who has passed, I wish with all of my heart they were there. I am going to try to be a better person and try to find the love that I so long for from certain people. My son finally walked out of the house a week ago tomorrow, because he told everybody how unhappy he was here, and how much he hated me. Why, because I would always catch him out when he was on something or find his stuff. Some of the things you write about, about the balloon, and thanking whomever sent it, because you felt everything was going to be all right. I am going to try to find my 'allrightness'. It has to be somewhere, because the stress of the addiction, the dying of the overdose, and watching whilst they are brought back, and this nonsense that God hasn't found him a wife, so now he figures he is gay. Well, I am not as nice as you. I wish I could be, but I hammered my son and kept banging on the bathroom door, just to get his attention so that he wouldn't overdose again, so that I wouldn't have to call the Emergency number again, and I finally, out of desperation, told my son, that I would accept him as a Eunuch, but not a gay. Oh Pan, if only I could be like you.
 
Panayiota
Oh (my friend), living with an addict is the hardest of all. I haven't lived with one but I was there for one for a number of years during his youth in a kind of caring and loving aunty/counselling capacity, and it was so heart wrenching and exhausting trying to help someone who just could not find that place inside himself to help himself also. To have someone like that living with you I can imagine is beyond hard! So, I cannot criticize you for how you have been reacting to his addiction and the fear that has caused you to suffer so acutely.
 
“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behaviour” (Frankl, 2006, p. 20). 
 
I see from my perspective, that there's only one thing you can do and that's realise that you cannot change the path of his unique journey.  I believe that he is sent on that path, not only to teach his own soul and to find his own way towards HIS unique spiritual growth, but his presence in your life must surely have also been a part of your own unique souls journey and in a spiritual sense, even a gift to help you to reach that place of your own progression.
 
What is life calling YOU to do under the extremely difficult circumstances that you have had to face?
 
“Our pain and sufferings are meant to awaken our spiritual aspirations. Life is always asking us, “What are we meant to discover in any particular situation?”” ~ Henry Mason
 
“To be sure, man is free to answer the questions he is asked by life.  But this freedom must not be confounded with arbitrariness.  It must be interpreted in terms of responsibleness.  Man is responsible for giving the right answer to a question for finding the true meaning of a situation.  And meaning is something to be found rather than to be given, discovered rather than invented.” (Frankl, 1988, p.62) ~ The Will to Meaning
 
Look for the signs from LIFE that are meant to reassure you that everything is as it should be "right now"... there is a reason for it all... YOU ARE NOT ALONE... someone is always with you from the other side, wanting to let you know that it's all going to turn out okay in the end, if you can just persevere and endure in faith until then.
 
If your son is choosing to take drugs, or to be gay, "right now", do you think that any of your condemnation against him is going to help him to make his own decisions for his own life and his own spiritual progress. If this is a journey he needs to take, then who are we to decide if it's the right or the wrong journey. Our churches and our interpretations of the bible teach us that it's a terrible sin... but I believe strongly, that ours is not to judge another human being for their choices... ours is only to LOVE.
 
With love, anything is possible... and it does not have to be OUR THING according to our perceptions and our upbringing and our churches teachings, etc. It is ultimately ONLY our Father in Heaven who will decide what is right and wrong for each person who stands before Him in the end... Only He will be able to read the whole story of that person's life and weigh it all in the Balance of Life... I believe that He will judge not on what we've done wrong according to our fellow man, or even according to our own conscious, or even according to how we have interpreted our bible, but He will judge only the level of TRUE & UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that we have developed for our fellow man (and all creation)... regardless of whether they are in our opinion, the filthy hobo on the side of the street, or our own wayward child... regardless of race, colour or creed. This is my belief and I believe that only LOVE can lift any curse... and that means, being able to truly love over whatever WE consider a curse... to love beyond and unconditionally... to love true.
 
If your son eventually dies as a result of HIS CHOICES, that will be the end only of THIS part of his progression and life's journey... I believe that we will still have more chances on the other side of THIS LIFE to continue to progress and to become what we were always meant to be, to do what we were always meant to do... in the end, I believe... ONLY LOVE CAN GET US THERE.
 
How can we learn to love unconditionally, or heal or progress, if we have never known unconditional love for the healing nourishment and upliftment of our own souls?
 
I wrote the following poem for my own son and I practiced what I preach here... and I have my son back... I have his love back... he visits me and we have long, wonderful conversations... I wish the same for you dear (my friend)... God be with you and your son.
 
ONLY LOVE CAN LIFT THE CURSE!
© All rights reserved ~ www.pattyskeys.co.za
 
He doesn’t want people to know him,
For he no longer knows himself,
He doesn’t want people to feel for him,
Because he no longer feels much for himself!
He doesn’t want people to celebrate for him,
For he celebrates not for himself,
He doesn’t want people to love him,
For he doesn’t love himself!
Don’t live for him; don’t die for him,
Don’t even exist for his life,
For he’s no longer living or dead,
And he doesn’t exist for himself!
He denies that he has a problem,
Yet he struggles in a lonely place,
Where he’s tried to rub out his own feelings,
And has even erased his own face!
Don’t hate him for who he’s becoming,
You will only make things so much worse!
Love him regardless, I beg of you,
For Only Love can lift the curse!
 
~ Panayiota
(8th July 2000)
 
FRIEND
Gosh Pan, I am so sorry for your problems. I love my children. 4 out of the 8 have taken strange paths, and right now I am totally numb. I have tired everything, but I am lost. I just sit and stare out of the window, and then try knitting, but my mind is locked up in some sort of box because of homosexuality, drugs, not living the gospel and most of all, one of my children telling me that I alienate most of my children. I feel that I am forsaken by my own family. Please, please just understand, and please, don't waste your time on me. Right now, I am just done with everything.
 
Panayiota
It is so obvious that you have been through more than you feel you can bear (my friend) and I don't have all the answers for you, and your situation, other than to share only what I have already tried and what worked for me. And the most powerful thing was to give up hoping that my child would be in my church or doing things that I felt he should be doing, and to just truly love him regardless and for him to know that without a moment's doubt.
 
I'm not sure how I would have dealt with the struggles you have... I might never have survived them, so I honour your strength. I managed to survive my own struggles, using the power of my unconditional love for my son... over time, it worked and he came back into my life more whole than I'd ever dreamed was still possible... and he might still not be in MY church, and I'm perfectly okay with that, because now he is at least free to discuss what he believes with me, without fear of any judgment.
 
Talking to you is not wasting my time... it's just sharing where I can, because I care... and if I say the wrong things, then I'd hope you'd understand that I wouldn't have meant to. I do hope you will find a way to deal with your pain and your struggles... a peaceful way that will bring to you the comfort and peace you need.
 
FRIEND
Thank you my dearest friend. I find it difficult to see my children compromize the standards that I taught them, as I will not ever compromize mine. The sad thing is, now my second oldest daughter is telling me that I am alienating all of my family…I am lost to the bickering of those that do not go to church and then pull me to pieces because I do. I will always love my family, but I will honestly tell you that I do not feel love from a lot of them.
 
Panayiota
I feel for you (my friend)... True Love must surely be something that goes way beyond our own needs. I did not feel my son's love for a long time while he was lost in his own sufferings, and that ripped me to pieces, because I truly loved him and needed his love in return. But in all of my aching, I finally decided that it did not matter whether he loved me back or not... I loved him and that's all that mattered... I was not going to give up on my love for him... so I just texted him once in a while... very short, unemotional little notes, just so that he knew I was thinking of him. I'd either end with Love you, or a heart. I did not expect anything back from him at all... I just wanted to feel free to love him in my own way... so, that's what I imagined was unconditional love... and it worked miracles. I have him back... I see him healing... I am happy again.
 
Love is the only way to lift any curse... true, unconditional love. This is the only wisdom I can give you from my own heart and my own experience. It should not matter what we taught our children... or what we expected from them... or what we think they should be or do in life... it should only matter that they know that no matter what, we love them. Nothing else... NOTHING ELSE.
 
That's all I can give you from my heart (my friend)... it's all I've got, and I've proved that it works miracles and it has brought me so much peace... it gave me my son back. I'd rather have him where he is now, than anywhere else, because at least I have his love and trust back... I am so happy and so grateful for that.
 
God be with you to help you with whatever you feel needs to be done to have the love of your alienating, struggling, wayward, accusing, or whatever, family back. You are all in my prayers.
 
In short... I personally believe that true love goes way beyond our own needs... when we can put our own needs and wants and expectations aside for the sake of a beloved, that's true love according to my understanding through my experience dear friend. That kind of love is the only love that brings healing and peace.
 
I believe that's how our Father in Heaven operates... He just LOVES and LOVES and LOVES... even after we've sinned and disappointed Him, He still LOVES... because all He wants is for all His children is for us to find our way to come Home to Him someday.  If I did not believe in this kind of Love from Him, I would not still believe in Him and I would have no reason to try to do what is right according to my own perceptions of what I imagine is right, good, beautiful, true and healing.  If I were to follow, only what someone has forced or guilt tripped me into, etc. then would my following be true... it would be impossible for me to KNOW my Father in Heaven in the way I do today, if my knowing Him, was based on someone else’s ideas and ideals of who He is.  I had to get to know Him in my own way and thus, for my own sake.
 
I asked my friend if I could use our conversation on my blog and gratefully, she agreed:
 
Panayiota
I won't use our conversation until you are sure it's okay for me to use. I know and honour that deep conversations like this are sacred, so I'd never share unless you were absolutely happy for me to do so.  I felt our conversation was an important one to illustrate how much we struggle and ache when our children are not following the path we always wished and dreamed for them, and it was also an important message of unconditional love often being the only way left to handle such situations. I do understand how hard and painful it is when our children don't live up to our expectations... I've been there and felt that pain until I could not bear it anymore and then finally came to a place of the unconditional love I speak of... the love that doesn't care as much about their choices that I can't change anymore, as my need to still have them close and to still be able to love them regardless... (I would NOT be able to do what you've done though... to allow even my own child to live with me if they were taking drugs... I just couldn't, so there you tried harder than I believe I ever could... I would not have been able to live with that amount of uncertainty, fear or pain… I've worked with addicts before and found it too painful and a huge sense of hopelessness)
 
I hope that if I share our conversation, others will identify, and it might help them also to come to a place of unconditional love... When you and when they are ready... we have to be ready first to let go of our own ideals and wants and needs and wishes and dreams, or fantasies for the outcome of our children’s lives... before we can come to that place of unconditional love... it's a place of peace and just "letting be" for the sake of peace and love and having whatever remnants of relationship still with them... far better than the fighting and the NOTHING.
 
“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless
situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation…we are challenged to change ourselves.” (Frankl, 2008, p. 116) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
FRIEND
You can use anything of mine dear Pan.  I am OK with you furthering your work.  Just hope I am not a bother and a hindrance.
 
Panayiota
How could you even say that you are a bother or a hindrance (my friend)... please don't bring yourself down like that... this is surely a possible route of some of your suffering as it has so long been mine also.  I don't have time, as you know, to be a full time Logotherapist, or to read long letters, or to visit my Facebook friends page very often at all, but I do care about what you are going through... I care, because I remember how it was for me when my children started to become independent and were doing things that I did not feel where agreeable to my values and what I wanted from them... and visiting places that I felt were dangerous, etc., I had to learn the hard way, through my own suffering, that I could not change them, or choose their path... I therefore actually understand and can see that your struggles are FAR worse than anything I've had to go through, so I truly do understand your REACTION to your struggles, but I also believe that there will come a time, where you either kill your own progress with your own pain and reactions to your pain over what you cannot control, or, you will find a way to love unconditionally, beyond the needs of your own heart and your own values, etc. 
 
"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true." (Viktor Frankl, 2008, p. 116) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
My prayer and hope is that you will find that place where you will be able to JUST LOVE... no more needing or wanting your children to be as you so hoped or so wished they would be, but rather just accept them where they are... EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE... in other words, handing them back to their Maker and letting Him deal with their lives in His way... TRUSTING completely that He will do what is right with them... FOR THEM... and for the sake of their own eternal progression... KNOWING, that He has allowed them to take the path that they find themselves on right now, in order for their own souls learning and progression.  He would NOT forsake them, even though they appear to be forsaken... they are not.  I truly believe, that there are NO coincidences... that everything is exactly as it should be, and that all that is required of any of us is to LOVE... LOVE beyond... over... through... whatever... to just LOVE. 
 
“A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth —that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love." (Viktor Frankl, 2008, p.p. 48-49) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
LIFE WILL JUST KEEP ON REPEATING ITSELF UNTIL EACH ONE OF US FINALLY GET THE MESSAGE THAT IT'S TRYING TO SEND TO US, FOR OUR OWN UNIQUE PROGRESSION. 
 
Without LOVE, none of us would make it... we would not be able to find our way back to our soul's longing or our souls perfection... only LOVE can lift any curse... and once we realise that, we all have a chance at  making it to our true place of being, belonging and doing.  The only chance any of our children have of finding their way, I believe, is IN LOVE and THROUGH LOVE...

“Love also parallels conscience with respect to the uniqueness of the target.  Just as conscience aims at the uniqueness of possibilities dormant in each life situation, so love aims at the equally unique potentialities dormant in a loved person” (Frankl 2000:42) ~ Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaning
 
That's all I have to offer you on the subject, because I've come to believe that more than anything else on earth... that beyond any religion, or indoctrination, tradition, cultural practices, geographical orientation or status, that in the end... LOVE will be how our Maker defines and recognises us as HIS OWN... I believe with all my heart, that it will be the only measure we will be judged by.  Our God is LOVE and the only way He will recognise us, is through LOVE... love for our fellow man (ALL), and all creation in this world.  I truly believe that NOTHING else will matter. 
 
Let me know if I can still use our conversation once you've read this.  I won't use it without your final say.  I do believe that what we've discussed will help others... I pray it will ❤
 
FRIEND
You have my permission dear Pan.  I must honestly tell you that I feel so alone and lost.  A long, long story
 
My friend went on to share a painful story of such abject loneliness (aloneness) and my heart ached for her, because I understood… she discussed situations that I identified with and which triggered my own painful memories.  I even understood her “fight” to FIX what was so wrong in her world, because she was so alone with her own hurting mind and frightening thoughts for hours and hours each day.  I have chosen not to include that part of her story here.  She also mentioned her “Freeway phobia”… unable to drive on the Freeway due to extreme fear.
 
FRIEND
I kill myself cleaning up the house, working in the garden in the summer of course, and doing as much knitting and crocheting as I can, just to keep the sadness out of my heart.  If you could only feel the pain I feel on a daily basis, then you can go ahead and try to make head or tail of a home (built on her religious belief system) where there is very little love.
 
Panayiota
Darling friend, your pain and suffering is perfectly understandable. I identify so much with your story... especially the feeling of being totally alone in your own home, even with your husband there. I had that husband... two of them in fact... and I currently live with a son who is always playing games on his cell phone and pretty much unresponsive when he is home... It takes too much energy for me to get him off of his games, even for a short time. The frustration of just knowing there is sometimes “dead wood” in the house leaves me screaming inside. 
 
If I were to give you my best advice right now, it would be to find a way to get onto that freeway and out of your house (your uncomfortable comfort zone)... I know this would take immense courage, but if would ultimately give you the LIFE you are crying out for. When you fully realise that you can't find what you are looking for where you are and that you can't control or change the negative behaviour of others to fit with your desperate needs, and when you are able to move beyond what you are already so stuck in, you will also surely find a way to breathe and feel loved and appreciated for who you are in all your specialness and uniqueness.
You will find what you are looking for... Just in a new way with different people.
 
“Frankl maintains that, as human beings, we all have a will to meaning.  We all want something worthwhile and purposeful to live and work for; we all want to feel needed, called upon to carry responsibility for something or someone.  By exercising the unique responsibilities that life has entrusted to us, we feel a sense of moral integrity.  Our lives are serving a unique purpose.  We have a destined role to play and, in our own way, we are irreplaceable.  These are the things that endue our life with meaning and that we, deeply within ourselves, want to experience.” (Shantall, 2003, p. 37) ~ The Quest for Destiny 
 
Find a place to serve or share with others the beautiful woman that you are.
 
I know I've said all this to you before... think really hard about it and find your courage dear friend... I found mine and the changes have been miraculous... I want the same for you. Bless you 💓
 
Things are only scary when we are thinking about them as scary, but once we're doing them (because we found a way), they're not so scary anymore... The thing is to find the courage to do what we never thought possible...
 
FRIEND
Thanks Pan.  I have tried to go on the freeway, but my anxiety attacks override my courage.  I love the garden and my crafts, but sometimes, I just sit and stare out of the window for solace.
 
Panayiota
I used to have dreadful panic attacks entering malls... for some reason, the crowded places and noise scared me terribly.  But you can overcome any fears (my friend) ... with the right help, and a willing attitude.  You'd probably need someone you can really trust to go with you the first few times (and persevere), until you can see for yourself that there is nothing too much to fear, so long as you are a cautious driver.  I wish for you to find a way.  Once your courage for a new step like this kicks in, it's incredible how the fears start to dissolve away until they are no more.  I still to this day feel panicked just to leave my yard, but I'm grateful that I have meaningful motivation and reasons that are bigger than my fears, that help me just do it.  Once I'm out of the yard, I feel so much better.  I’ve realised that it's just the getting out that creates fear in me, but once I’m out I’m okay.
 
“The basic tenet of logotherapy is that, as human beings, we have a will to meaning.  Having the capacity to think, to weigh up our lives, choose what we want to do with them and why, we are operating in a dimension not shared with any other earthly creature.  In reaching out beyondourselves or a mere day-to-day existence we are transcending the levels of animalistic existence and enter into a uniquely human dimension.” (Shantall, 2003, p. 5) ~ The Quest for Destiny
 
In Logotherapy we describe what we call, The Defiant Power of the Human Spirit.  That's the part of our spirit that eventually shouts out to us... ENOUGH!... be it enough of another person's nonsense or enough of our own.  This helps us to stand up for our true selves in the face of all our fears and our struggles and to move forward regardless. We all have this power within us that we can tap into. 
 
“THE DEFIANT POWER OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT – One is not a helpless victim of one’s drives, of one’s environment and of one’s circumstances:  One is endowed with the noëtic faculty:  one has the human capacity to take a stand against one’s “fate” (poverty, negative influences from our childhood, etc).. Even when one is suffering from physical – or even psychological – illnesses, the noös (q.v)., one’s spirit, stays virtually intact, and the ability to choose one’s attitude (q.v). remains... Moreover, human beings not only have a deep need to find a meaning, they have the power to take a stand against their circumstances, their “fate”.  This power belongs to all of us, and Frankl calls it the Defiant Power of the Human Spirit (q.v).” (Havenga Coetzer, 2003, pp 29-30)~ Viktor Frankl’s Avenues to Meaning
 
You have been held back for years and years and it's no wonder you're possibly in that head space that keeps you back from your own freedom and living... too stuck in the involvement of what everyone else is doing that has excluded their love and attention for you, causing you so much heartache and frustration, and not giving yourself the care and attention that you deserve, that would give focus to your own living.  Is it possible that you are still allowing the failures and bad behaviours of others to reflect onto you... holding you back from becoming YOUR best and most strongest, courageous, happiest self... from living to your full potential? 
 
What part of the world is missing out on the true YOU, because you are so locked up in the negative behaviour of others?  If you want more out of your life dear friend, you have to pass through all the discomforts and fears to get out there and find for yourself, what is missing from that sad and lonely place where you are right now.  If love and attention is missing for instance, you go out there and find a place where you can give your portion of love and attention to others who, just like you, are crying out for what you have to give... even a pet shelter or a plant nursery... and there you will find others who will appreciate who you are on levels you may never have experienced before, as I have found in my Logotherapy world... and you will find that they will willingly return their love and attention to you, because they will appreciate your worth.  It might not be in the ways you had always hoped and expected  from those who should have loved and nurtured you in ways you felt you so desperately needed... but it will be in unexpected and beautiful ways that will nurture and give fulfillment to your souls longings. 
 
Once we reach out to find this and we realise it was always out there, just WAITING FOR US to be a part of it, then all fear will begin to pass away, and courage will become stronger with every passing day.  It's the most incredibly strengthening and mind-altering, life-changing thing, to find out who we truly are and always were meant to be in this world... to find out the purpose and meaning of our OWN unique and beautiful existence ❤
 
There is a reason we have gone through everything that we have had to face in our lives... all the hardships and struggles have been a part of our souls journey.  The world waits for the person we have become as a result of all that we have learned along the way… and the world waits for the person we are still going to become, if we would only give ourselves a chance.
 
Every person's unique life journey will eventually bring them to a place of great value and worth to the world... YOU have always had, and further developed something unique and powerful to give to the world my dear friend.  You must not withhold your talents, and abilities and most importantly, your portion of TRUE LOVE that a world out there has been waiting for.  It is time to give WHO YOU ARE so that others can find their way also, to become WHO THEY ARE MEANT TO BE...
 
You CAN do this my friend, even if it means driving on the freeway to get there... because you are meant for far more than living so alone and aching in your misery. 
 
You were NOT born into this world to be trampled on... Below is a letter my mentor wrote to me recently... it's also in one of my most recent blog posts... it is a powerful message for you too.  All my love and best wishes to you ❤ BIG HUGS ❤
 
Letter from my mentor
FROM ME TO YOU WITH LOVE
Dearest. dearest Panayiota,
 
What a sharp and sensitive soul you have!  It is like a razor sharp sword that cuts the bone from the marrow and sets apart the truth from the lie; the reality from the deception.  And what an artist you are - how your poems so magnificently go to the poignant heart of the matter!
 
My dearest Panayiota, I do not need to help you; to give you advice.  You are sorting things out for yourself.  And what progress you have made!  It is the most difficult and most painful reality to have to come to terms with: that you were not loved, that you are not loved; that people that should have cared and should care, have failed and fail to do so.  THE FAULT IS THEIRS.  Truth, and its consolation and its healing, is with you.  So what if they did not care?  So what if they do not care now?  So what if they are miserably failing and faltering and even downright ugly people?  So what if they have no backbone of integrity?  Who will fall?  You whom they have so cruelly hurt and continue to hurt?  What will happen to you but the power of protest?  For you there is the standing up out of the dust and the declaration of your own worthiness.  It is a worthiness that you do not need them to give to you because it is a worthiness you have!  Who then will fall apart, come crashing down?  Who will be ashamed?  You, who were unable to win over their love?  You who were shamed by them?  On whom lies the blame of that shame?  On you who only wanted their love and that tried so hard to find it?  You who loved them with so much forgiveness; you, who because they refused or did not care to receive it, were brought to this point of withdrawing it? 
 
You are gathering your pearls, so cast down by their swine - their greedy self-concerned - attitudes towards you! 
 
My beloved, the time has come.  It is a time of giving up on futile efforts.  Giving up not because of bitterness or despair, but giving up out of principle.  You have drunk to the dregs the cup of suffering which they have placed in your hands, saying:  "Lie down, that we may walk over you".  The Word that is coming to you now is:  "Awake!  Awake!  Stand up, O Jerusalem! “ (read Isaiah 51, especially verses:17-23 and ponder it!)  You are to give that cup of staggering that has poisoned you with so much insecurity and feelings of worthlessness for so long, back to them.  You will drink from it no more.  Out of your downtrodden state, the defiant power of real life and love is being provoked.  To you the Song of Solomon is being sung:
 
"Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.  For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.  The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come.  The voice of the turtle-dove is heard in our land.  The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell.  Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away!"  (Song of Solomon 2:10-13).
 
How much I believe in you; how much I treasure your worthiness!
 
FRIEND
Wow Pan.  Yes, you do have a beautiful soul and I would never have thought of all that you too have had to bare.  I always have the Group Home's dog come on over when I am working in the garden, and this dog listens to me when I talk.  Now the neighbours behind us have a few chickens, and it is so much fun to just sit and talk to them, and then they talk back in their funny cackle.  I give my all to my garden in the summer.  I love to see the results.  My husband has finally come to realize that all the years he was gone, I worked so hard to make the garden look the way it does.  It is still spring, but he will see the results in a few more weeks.  I can't, no way, can I go on that freeway.  I have tried too many times, and I get too sick to my stomach, upset stomach for days when I even think of going on it.  I think you have a wonderful friend to write you such a beautiful letter.
 
Panayiota
Thank you, dear friend... I do believe that you have a beautiful soul too, and that's why you hurt so much and probably why you are being hurt so much by life.  It seems to me that some souls are called to go through the hardest trials and therefore have the greatest task and responsibility to handle every hard situation with humility and grace in overcoming.
 
I love that you have the company of that dog... how lovely... those are the sort of reminders I have that we are never alone... Heaven is constantly sending us reminders, whether it be a dog, a chicken, birds, butterflies, the shape of clouds, etc., that we are watched over and loved.
 
I love chickens also.  I wrote a little story about a chicken we had once... I hope to get it published someday.  Did you ever think of writing children's stories?  You could include your dog visitor and those chickens... just a thought 🙂 ❤
 
I also love gardening... your husband is blessed to have you keeping your surroundings so beautiful... I'm glad he's seeing that at last and is acknowledging and valuing the work you've done on it.  Our weather is into fall now, so I've just planted winter vegetable and herb seeds and some are already coming up.  So we should be in for a super winter crop again... small garden, but it looks after us well.
 
FRIEND
… as my daughter was leaving after a visit today "my dog" came out to spend some time with me, and then a church friend came to visit, and Tank, the dog, laid in the middle of the easement the entire time we were talking.  I know that this dog loves me, I can just feel it, and I have known him since he was a puppy.  Also, the neighbours chickens were talking to me when my daughter left, so I know God is around me right now.  Thank you so much for caring.  I so wish we could have met when you were in the USA.​

My Beloved Little Brother – Peter ♥
Surely it is no coincidence that I am writing this today, 1st May 2019.  This very day, is the memory of my brother’s birthday.  He would have been 60 today!  I can hardly believe that.  I still think of him as my little brother… how could he have been 60… seems unfathomable to me.  My brother was gay and how rejected he was by so many, including our mother as a result.  I am so grateful that my sister’s and I and many others, continued to loved and valued him for who he was to us.  We were able to see past his gayness to the beautiful soul he possessed.  Practically everyone who knew him loved him.  He had the most incredible sense of humour and such an empathy and love of others whom he served.  At the end of April, 2005, my sisters and I searched for our brother two weeks before his birthday.  We had lost contact with him at that time, and just knew that he was in Cape Town somewhere.  We so wanted to wish him happy birthday on the 1st of May that year.  But the 1st of May arrived, and still we had not found him… then… on the 2nd of May… the very next day, we received a call to let us know, that he’d died in his sleep during the night.  He was an epileptic and had a seizure and died.  The shock and the sadness to my sisters and I is still very raw in our hearts when we remember our brother on this day and tomorrow. 
 
To this day, I believe that my brother is with me… he lets me know daily that he’s watching over me.  I believe that he is praying on my behalf and that he is in his own way a guardian angel to me… and my sisters, my dad and other brother also.   Happy Birthday Peter… I love you so much ♥
 
Thank you for sharing with me today

~ Panayiota