Different hearts – different expectations – different LOVE

~ Written 4th March 2018 ~
 
“What worked in the morning of our lives, does not work in the afternoon thereof.
And what was true in the morning, by evening becomes a lie” ~ Jung
 
If I understand this correctly by my own interpretation… then it fits with my lifelong fantasy world of loving certain people with all my heart all through my years, on my inner child level… needing, back from them, reassurance of their love for me on the same level… only to discover, that they would never be able to love me the same… they don’t need me… that I have been living in a fantasy dream world of hope… hope of rescue… hope of being loved by them the same way I loved them… but it’s never going to happen… they grew up with a completely different perspective… a secure home… good and loving parents, a vast social family and friendship connection etc.
 
I can’t expect them to share my fantasy world… IT’S ALL BEEN AN ILLUSION… and that realisation that is finally sinking in now in my 60’s, really hurts… but logic tells me… it is what it is and I need to just get used to a new way of being with them… different expectations of them…
 
To delete from my mind, the lifelong, childhood dream that was never meant to come true in the way I had dreamed it… it was a child’s fantasy… it kept me going then… it served it’s purpose… and I must let go of it now…
 
Life is not easy… but it has to go on in the best way possible… even in the aching emptiness and loneliness of lost dreams… one still has to go on… one still has to love regardless.
 
Secrets of Real Love:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgxLrAkSvuY
 
Most of my lifelong pain has been about, not being loved fully (the way I should have been as a child) and not being completely free to love the way I have a need to and wish to.  It has also been about not trusting… the hardest struggle of all.
 
Transference I believe is an inner child’s longing for what wasn’t… now coming to the surface… in an attempt to make it real in the here and now…
 
I’m really pondering just lately… especially after the link on the last blog post referring to “CONNECTION”.  Instead of denying the inner-child what she’s so desperately crying out for… if it were possible to help her to have it, in a SAFE, controlled, but nurturing way… to not deny her, her expression of love… to not make her feel bad for feeling or needing in the way she does… to protect her from boundary crossing from either side… but at the same time… somehow help her to feel completely connected as I mostly do feel in my Logotherapy World… surely this would bring the healing that is needed.  
 
My Logotherapy world has been a most powerful example of what is possible if the inner-child is helped to feel… “SAFE LOVE”…
 
Now… I’m not saying that I need to be held today, by a mother figure and told I’m loved in the way I should have been told by my own mother when I was young… but, I feel to repeat the important article I posted in the lasts blog post:
 
“The Opposite of Addiction is Connection”… written by Jonathan Davis.  I have taken an excerpt from it, but the full article is a must read and please listen to the video at the end also:
 
“How Our Ability to Connect is Impaired by Trauma
Trauma is well-known to cause interruption to healthy neural wiring, in both the developing and mature brain. A deeper issue here is that people who have suffered trauma, particularly children, can be left with an underlying sense that the world is no longer safe, or that people can no longer be trusted. This erosion (or complete destruction) of a sense of trust, that our family, community and society will keep us safe, results in isolation” https://upliftconnect.com/opposite-addiction-connection/
 
I know that not many are going to understand what I’m saying here, and many will absolutely oppose it… but I do hope that someone out there does understand what I’m trying to share, because this is making so much sense to me. 
 
Why must my inner-child keep crying out for what never was, because it is what still never will be in this world… Is there not a way to follow the “Portuguese” example talked about on the link above… to help adult survivors of child abuse to feel completely and utterly accepted, needed, wanted, useful, unjudged, loved, etc. in this world, by helping them to feel more connected.
 
Why must I fear, that if I express the love of my heart… even my child heart to you, that you will think I’m transferring onto you and run for the hills… and if I am actually transferring, then would not your distancing and disconnection from me cause me more pain than I originally had to deal with? 
 
There has to be a “safe way” of dealing with transference in such a way as to bring the healing required. 
 
What my therapist did during the time of transference and counter-transference was extremely hurtful and devastating… I don’t believe I will ever heal completely from that in this world… I have also learned to understand from “her side”… how it started… but, how it ended was completely and utterly unforgivable in my eyes, because it added greatly to my struggles, even to this day. 
 
Thank Heaven’s for my Logotherapy world… my mentor and her dear husband, David.  I have so much to be grateful for today… even my life.
 
Thank you for taking the time to share this with me… I feel a sense of connection to those who take the time to share with me here and it means more than you could ever know.
 
~ Panayiota.