Living our thoughts – walking our talk

I realised yesterday, that it’s easy to say things about what you believe and to believe things that you say, but it’s not always easy to live up to everything you profess to say or be.  TO WALK THE TALK!
 
I believe that Life tests us on our own beliefs to teach us and show us exactly where we “actually” stand in relationship to what we say and what we say we believe!  It’s up to us to respond to the tests that Life brings to us in whichever which way we feel best at the time and to accept the consequences or gifts that come from the results of our responses.
 
Yesterday I was tested
Anyone who lives in this country, knows how annoying beggars can be.  And entertaining a beggar is downright dangerous also!  If we stop to talk to someone at our driver’s window, it could be a distraction, for a thief sneaking up on the other side of the car, to break the passenger side window and steal a bag.  Practically every red robot that we stop at has beggars approaching the cars.  We have hijackings to fear too.  And if we give to a beggar who comes to our gate, there’s that chance that they take advantage of the fact that we are a giver, they might then keep coming until they totally wear us down, or become a danger to us, our family, our belongings, our pets (poisoning), etc.  That’s the truth about how it is in South Africa, so very often we avoid beggars to protect ourselves, our pets and our property.  Sometimes we even avoid acknowledging them by totally ignoring someone who comes to our car window, until they go away. 
 
I Just remembered a past test and its consequence while I was writing this
I always taught my children to at least smile at a beggar, or to say hello and politely say, “No thank you”… but, one day I was in a big hurry to get somewhere, and as we arrived at the robot, a beggar came close to my window and I immediately shewed him away with my hand.  As I did so, my car stalled and died!  Without being able to restart it, I then had to ask that same beggar for help and pay him!  I laugh about it now, but at the time, I learned a big lesson.  I had not walked my own talk and had to explain this to my children… a big lesson learned for by us all that day!
 
The old beggar
Anyway, yesterday I arrived home from collecting some printing that I needed to pack for a student’s study pack.  I noticed an old African lady walking past my house on the street.  As I drove into my driveway, I noticed her turning back towards my car.
 
Oh NO!  I thought immediately.  I was in a hurry to get the student’s study pack off; I didn’t need this nonsense now! 
 
As she approached my window, I felt annoyed and barely opened it (subconsciously protecting myself).  She started to speak… told me how she was struggling to feed her grandchildren and how she had gone to SASSA (government grants) the day before and…
 
Well, I couldn’t hear what she was saying, because I immediately noticed that she was struggling to speak… choking on her welling tears!  Real tears. 
 
I immediately felt compassion… especially as she mentioned SASSA… I know how horrible and dehumanizing that place can feel!  I opened my window fully and looked her in the eyes… in that moment, I wanted her to know that I was now with her… I was listening to her plea.  She had my full attention.
 
She quickly wiped her tears away and tried to speak, but I still wasn’t getting what she was trying to say and her tears just kept flowing.  I told her I’d bring her some bread and said she could wait by the tree outside my yard. 
 
I drove into my carport, and in those few seconds, everything changed inside of me… I felt a strong call, to live my thoughts and walk my talk!
 
So, before closing the gate, I asked her if she’d like to come inside and she did.
 
I invited the old woman into my home and got her to sit comfortably in my lounge.  She chose my chair with all the comfy cushions on it… it must have looked irresistible to her and I felt happy about that.  I offered her tea and she accepted.  I gave her tea and rusks and while she was enjoying that, I made sandwiches, which she said she’d rather take home for the children.  Used almost the whole loaf of bread that was left over after making my youngest son sandwiches for work in the morning. 
 
I chatted with the old lady whilst packing her sandwiches, and a bottle of cooldrink, and some biscuits, some tissues for her tears (which had now dried, but, should she need them somewhere else), a few vegetables, etc. I also took the only money I had in my bag, R10 and a small pile of change.  I found a nice big material shopping back to put all the stuff into, so that she could hold everything more easily. 
 
She asked me for one thing only while I as doing this for her… she asked if I had any soap for her.  (Thinking about that now, makes me want to cry for her… bless her).  So, of course, I gave her soap… a whole lot of what I could spare and even one of my new Dove bars.
 
Before she left, I asked if she needed the bathroom, pointing at my own… which she did.  I was coming out of my bedroom as she was coming out of the bathroom.  I could see the most incredible gratitude in her eyes… a beautiful smile on her face… she reached out to touch me on my shoulder while she was thanking me.  I had the impression she wanted to hug me.  I saw her to the gate… I had thought about that hug on the way to the gate and did not want to deny it.  I reached over to touch her on the shoulder as she was about to leave… and in that  moment, all fear, all colour, all separation fell away… it was a totally beautiful and spiritual moment as we both embraced and she kissed me on my neck, saying she was going to tell her children about today and thanked me over and over as she walked away with her bag full of goodies.
 
A MOST BEAUTIFUL MOMENT IN TIME!
 
She could have been my mother
Something crossed my mind that made the whole situation that much more special for me personally, as I imagined, that that dear old lady, could have been my mother… she was certainly someone’s mother… someone loves her.  Why should an old lady like that, at least in her 70’s or 80’s, I was sure, have to be walking the streets and begging for help.  Breaks my heart to even think about what she is going through to survive. 
 
My mother knew that I hated being kissed on the neck!  I really hated it so much… so she’d always do it to me and think it was funny!
 
I realised that the little old lady kissed me on the neck, because she was so short and she wanted to leave her loving kiss behind for me.
 
But, was it a coincidence only… or was it a part of the beautiful gift I received yesterday as I imagined that this dear old lady, could easily have been my mother too. 
 
Life surely does have a way of testing us and I pray that I passed my test.
 
I realise that by speaking about it, I deprive myself of further blessings… but I had to share this story with you all… I wanted to share about “Walking the talk”, because I feel it is such an important message at this time… and I also wanted to share about “Life tests”… So, yes, I might have deprived myself of any further blessings, but at the same time, I am totally satisfied with the blessings I received already yesterday, by doing the right thing, according to my own conscience and spiritual dimension working together for good.  It was my moment… it was the old lady’s moment… it was a TRULY SACRED moment where the TRUE and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE I always speak of was shared between two human beings… strangers… spiritual sisters… even a beautiful image and moment in time, of a loving mother and nurtured/nurturing child.
 
I am reminded of the bible verse:
 
Hebrews 13:2 ~ King James Version (KJV)
“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”
 
I truly felt as though I’d been touched by an angel yesterday.  I felt as though, in some strange and miraculous way, I was able to give my own mother the love I’ve always longed to give freely to her.  I am sure my own mother is still alive… but who knows.  I dread the day someone calls to let me know she’s died.  I think that will be too painful for me to bear, because it will mean, that all hope of ever having my mother’s love will be forever gone from this worldly existence.  As things are now, I guess that in reality, all I have left to hope in as far is she is concerned, is that there will come a time when I get to Heaven also, and that somehow… some way, things will all be sorted out then and I will at last, have the true and loving relationship I’ve always longed for with my mother.  A part of me feels resentful about all the years she deprived this child (me) of her mother’s love… but I do believe that even those resentments will be sorted out in Heaven… all things will be sorted out and will come right there.
 
“How should I have interpreted such a “coincidence” other than as a challenge to live my thoughts instead of merely putting them on paper?” (Frankl, 2008, p.119) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
Feeling the LOVE!
 
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story with me.
 
~ Panayiota
 
P.s. Today is my Greek Name Day, and as I wrote on Facebook: (shortened)
 
It's my Greek Name Day today... I AM PANAYIOTA!
 
My beloved Greek (step) mom used to wish me Happy Name Day every year, and if she was near, I'd always get a chocolate... it was so special and I will always love her for acknowledging my true identity so beautifully and helping me to feel like I BELONGED.
 
She was the only person who ever consistently called me by my name. I now introduce myself by my true name, Panayiota (named after my Greek yiayia (grandma) on my dad's side), and our newer Logotherapy students know me by that name and it's wonderful to me!
 
I wanted to honour my name and to actually hear it being called, before I died. I don't want it to only ever be recognised on my Gravestone.
 
I also love that I have found the beautiful meaning for my name and know that I need to work hard to live up to it to make my Greek mom and Greek yiayia proud of me.
 
I didn't realise I actually had three Greek Name Days every year... 2 February, 15 August and 26 December! I'm going to be hoping for sugar free chocolates each time... end of story! 😅
 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panagiotis?fbclid=IwAR2yJvD_e71dqUlah3kVeYB_-7GfXjkmSeBK5dKzAHYoJkdXT6CTeZ9fUJ4