Missing Mrs. Poppy Peanut, but never alone.

​So much to share again… nothing new about that... I always aim to keep it short, but just sooo much to share, make sense of, gain perspective over and set free).  I will try to split my sharing up a bit more to make separate shorter blog posts.
 
A song and a message from Heaven
The night that Mrs. Poppy Peanut went to Heaven, a song got stuck in my head and it stayed there for days.  I  don’t remember mentioning it in the previous post, because I just couldn’t work out the meaning of it and what message it was trying to send to me, but I think I know what it means now since I was able to find the lyrics to the song after a dear friend helped me to work out what the name of the song was that was and where to find it, so I’d like to share.
 
Brightly Beams Our Father’s Mercy:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KchNq0M9N1k
 
Lyrics
1. Brightly beams our Father’s mercy
From his lighthouse evermore,
But to us he gives the keeping
Of the lights along the shore.
 
Let the lower lights be burning;
Send a gleam across the wave.
Some poor fainting, struggling seaman
You may rescue, you may save.
 
2. Dark the night of sin has settled;
Loud the angry billows roar.
Eager eyes are watching, longing,
For the lights along the shore.
 
Let the lower lights be burning;
Send a gleam across the wave.
Some poor fainting, struggling seaman
You may rescue, you may save.
 
3. Trim your feeble lamp, my brother;
Some poor sailor, tempest-tossed,
Trying now to make the harbor,
In the darkness may be lost.
 
Let the lower lights be burning;
Send a gleam across the wave.
Some poor fainting, struggling seaman
You may rescue, you may save.
 
"Brightly Beams Our Fathers Mercy" Words and Music written by Phillip Paul Bliss, 1838-1876
Sung by Dan Ellison, Spencer Ellison, Steven Jensen and Trevor Nielsen.
Audio & Video recorded/edited by James Case
 
“Brethren, the Master will take care of the great light-house: let us keep the lower lights burning!” ~ D. L. Moody. (http://home.uchicago.edu/~coleman/public_html/lowerlights.html)
 
I believe that Heaven knew that like others times of extreme stress and hurts, I was crashing into the rocks of a stormy sea on the night I lost my dearest friend and companion, Mrs Poppy Peanut… My son was housesitting that very night and the one after… I was entirely alone in my agony of loss when that song came into my head and got stuck there, going around and around relentlessly.  I believe now that this song was calling me to keep my light burning while at the same time, Heavenly Father was reassuring me that He was watching over me, keeping the Greater Light burning on my behalf.  I was not alone facing the storm of my loss.  The words of the song we’re calling to me to keep my light burning whilst here in this world where I so often don’t want to be.  It was a reminder to me, that I still have a purpose that I need to live on for, to fulfill… and that my calling is to be here for others to LOVE and share with, and also to in my own way, help guide them safely through their own storms, and that no matter how sad or alone I might have been feeling, that I am here for a purpose…. for the sake of others.
 
I once wrote:
 
SHARE A LOVING HEART
© All Rights Reserved ~ www.pattyskeys.co.za
 
Loving hearts are lonely hearts,
If loving hearts don’t share.
Loving hearts are sad hearts,
If loving hearts don’t care.
 
If love was meant for lonely hearts,
Then why can’t I find any?
If love was meant for sad hearts,
Then why is mine so empty?
 
Perhaps there’s none for loving hearts,
Because loving hearts have plenty.
Loving hearts should share their love,
Then perhaps they won’t be so empty.
 
I know I have a loving heart,
But so often I feel bad.
I need to share my loving heart,
With someone who is sad.
 
I need to lift their spirit up,
And make them feel so good.
And let my heart be filled with joy…
Yes – I know I should!
 
~ Panayiota
(July 1992)

​On the 17th September, I went out to water the garden.  I noticed a big yellow and black butterfly dancing around my lemon tree again… how beautiful I thought, and as I thought it, the butterfly flew straight over to me and flew around me about three times then flew over the wall.  It was while it was flying around me, I imagine that my Patty-self, surfaced and I felt so blessed and so happy for that magical moment in time… I giggled with delight!  Overwhelmed by an absolute feeling of being loved and watched over. 

​Almost immediately after the yellow butterfly disappeared over the wall, a hummingbird flew over to shower under the spray of the water hose I was holding in my hand while I was watering the vegetables.  I could not believe that a hummingbird of all birds had come into my yard and was now thoroughly enjoying a bath here… how wonderful I thought to myself!  I just stood there, as still as I could and enjoyed every beautiful moment of its presence.  It was tiny, almost black and had a curved beak.  It flew in and out of the spray onto my vegetables, then up onto the washing line to shake off a bit before flying through the spray again… it was so lovely to see and to be in the presence of such magic!  Again, I took it as a sign sent especially for me… why not… why not totally embrace such moments in life for all that they are worth and why not see their worth in all their glory… why not imagine that I am so loved and so gifted each and every day of my life by some caring force that is not interested in the miseries of this world that is mine, but rather a force that sees me as someone worthy to be loved and attended to with care… a force that stands up for me… with me… and is there for me always, just as I believe is also available for every living person who ever was, who is today and will someday be.  These wonderful daily Miracles are available to us all… we just need to open our eyes, our ears and our hearts to receiving them, appreciating them and express our sincere gratitude for them always, without hesitation.

There was greatly added stress over this time, with my youngest son losing his job at the end of August, because the business was not making enough money, so they got rid of half their workers overnight… HUMPH!... and that with the depression over the loss of Mrs. Poppy Peanut’s presence in my life still lingering… some days have been far worse than others for me.  I’ve been keeping myself as busy as possible… spring cleaning and moving furniture, planting for summer, etc., and this has kept me going. 
 
A few days ago, my eldest son and I were in a WhatsApp conversation… he wrote
“One thing I have learned, although it may not help on the moment, is that we always have what we need when we need it.  A… will get work again soon.
 
I responded
“It is so true… I’ve learned that too.  Just when I need him (my youngest son) most to be here, he is.  So, what could look like a curse is so often actually a great blessing in disguise.  We just have to open our eyes to the magic of possibilities and spiritual facts leaning in our favour… we are never abandoned.
 
(At this time, we have workers [strangers] invading our space during home improvements and that is always very disturbing and unsettling for me… I don’t do well with having my safe space invaded, so having my youngest son here has been very helpful)
 
Then my oldest son added
“The world complains that Miracles don’t happen anymore, but they are completely and utterly wrong.  Miracles happen every moment, but much of the world can’t see them anymore because they are no longer grateful.  When I learned to be grateful in the good, the bad and the ugly, I saw that everything is a Miracle… Patience and gratitude are the ways to partake in Miracles, because you won’t see the Miracle until it’s done.”
 
I added
YES! YES! YES!  Although, we can see them also as they are happening, like Poppy’s blue butterfly.  I see and experience Miracles daily… I truly do.
 
My son responded
Yes, we can see that they’re happening if our eyes and hearts are open to them.
 
I loved that conversation with my son.  It’s not often that I can have a conversation with someone who thinks so deply in much the same way as I do.
 
24th September was Heritage Day here in South Africa, I went to visit my daughter and her two dogs and while I was talking to the one little dog, Abby, I called her Poppy by mistake… instant heartsore as tears welled up in my eyes… the next day I visited my sister and was petting her little dog, Sally and again called her Poppy by mistake and had to fight back the deep and overwhelming sadness once again… I think it will be a while before I can learn to live comfortably without my sweet Poppy.  While I was at my daughter’s, she asked if I’d be interested in fostering puppies until they could go into good homes… instant tears again… so, it is clear, that I can’t even talk DOG at this time… I’m still hurting too much and trying to hide my pain in working myself to a standstill. 
 
Thank you for sharing with me.

​~ Panayiota