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The Healing Power of Logotherapy

"Reaching for the Stars"
Adult survivor of severe child abuse/rape survivor/domestic violence/
emotional abuse/transference in therapy/depression, fear, panic attacks & anxiety... /self-injury (SI)/complex relational trauma/severe PTSD & multiple complex PTSD (SPTSD & MCPTSD)/dissociative identity disorder (DID)​

Part 2 – A NIGHT FROM HELL!

30/7/2017

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~ Saturday, 24th June 2017 ~ Continued from last post…
 
This morning, in an attempt to help myself out of the sadness-fog and to detach for a time from my work, I spent a little time out in my garden, planting some winter vegetables and herbs.  My left foot was still a little sore from the recent gout attack which I was still recovering from, but I took things easy and enjoyed the sunshine and fresh air outside.
 
That night turned into a nightmare from hell! 
 
I remember very little of it, other than the agonizing gout pain that had developed in my right heal.
 
All I remember of that night, was moaning and groaning in agony for hours on end… my right foot on fire – feeling literally, as if my foot was in a pot of boiling water… such was the intensity of the gout pain. 
 
I remember, just before bedtime realizing with horror, that it was an acute gout attack on the way and taking a hand full of medicines to try and stop it.  Taking medicines for gout pain, was something I would never do in the past, prior to this year… I just don’t like medicines at all and always felt that they were worse for my body than bearing the pain was, but I did take medicines for the previous gout attack this June and saw how well they worked, so this time, in desperation, I did not hesitate to do so again. 
 
At around 9pm, grasping for relief in desperation, I took, a herbal gout relief tablet, an anti-inflammatory (Diclofenac 25), half a Colchicine tablet, a vitamin C 500g, as well as popping an Arnica herbal tablet under my tongue… I was taking no chances at allowing the pain to continue… but the tablets did not work to alleviate my pain at all.
 
From that moment on, I remember only the burning agony, and somewhere around midnight, trying to wake my son to come and help me, because I just couldn’t take the burning pain any longer.  I remember, not being able to wake my son, so I took one of the medicine bottles next to my bed, and began to bang it on my bedside table, hoping that would wake him… I remember nothing else and woke the next morning around 08h45.
 
My son (youngest son), woke shortly after me and related to me of all that had transpired during the night.  I could not believe it!  He told me that between 1am and 4am, he sat in my room on my computer chair trying to talk me through my pain and responding over and over to my babbling and repetitive questioning.
 
“Will you be home from work tomorrow?” and “This doesn’t feel like reality – is this really happening”.
 
I gather from all he told me, that I had become delirious… maybe because of the combination of the medicines I’d taken, but why would they have taken so long to affect me in such a way.  I believe that it was more than likely due to the constant excruciating pain and utter exhaustion… but maybe all three.
 
What really surprised me, was my son telling me that I went to the bathroom three times with an upset tummy while he was awake … now that could have been as a result of the medicine combination I took before bedtime!  He told me that one time, he had to help me off of the loo, because I was in so much pain and weak from it all already.  I was truly amazed that I remembered none of it.  How on earth did I even manage to get out of my bed while I was in so much pain?  He said that I used my crutches to get too and from the bathroom.
 
My son proceeded to tell me, that around 3am, he could see that I was beginning to settle, but sometime before then, I’d asked him to take me to the hospital.  He had given me clothes to change into, and had gone out to the garage to fetch my wheelchair.   He told me that I had changed already when he got back from the garage, but he needed the bathroom by then… by the time he was done, he found me fast asleep.  I can only imagine that his comforting presence and loving care must have reassured me by then, and that the pain had finally started to lift, and between that and my complete exhaustion, I was finally able to fall asleep at around 4am, when he at last went back to his own bed to sleep.
 
Sometime during the night while my foot was still in agony, my son gave me another anti-inflammatory tablet, and said that I told him to take the medicines away from my bedside table, which he did.  He took them to his room… perhaps I was afraid I’d take more out of desperation. 
 
When I woke in the morning, the fire in my foot was gone… thank Heavens… so the worst was over.  For days I could not walk on the swollen foot because it was still very sensitive if I put any weight on it, but at least it was no longer on fire.
 
~ Sunday, 25th June 2017 ~
When my youngest sister Mira, heard about what happened the night before, she brought my son and I some chicken soup (for the soul) for lunch and some braaied chicken pieces and salad for supper.  What a blessing for us both, and just having her visit and show her loving care meant so much to me.  My other children called a number of times during the day to check up on me and it really helped to know that someone cared about what we had been through the night before.   I guess that these are the tender mercies that we hear about… the special blessings that shine a light into the darkness of difficult times. 
 
I felt grateful for their love that helped me through that day which introduced a new agonizing trial of its own…

Thank you for sharing with me... 
 
~ Panayiota
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