Part 2 ~ DROWNING ~ The Power of The Other Hand

~ Posted, 8 September 2017 ~
 
Since my hard drive crash, I lost all my blog records on my computer, so there’s no easy way to see if I have shared with you before, anything about the incredible technique known as “The Power of the Other Hand”… and with my poor memory... Oh well, I don’t have time to look back right now to see. 
 
I used this technique two days ago, to help myself through a downer and it helped me so much, so I think it’s a good one to share and hope that other therapists who might be reading this post will do some research of their own on the subject to help their clients… especially adult survivors of child abuse. 
 
WARNING!
The technique can be used successfully by anyone for gaining perspective and finding answers for problems, etc., but I strongly advise that you not only study the books on the subject before trying this out, but also, if there is any suspicion or chance that you are an adult survivor of child abuse, that you only try this out with a therapist trained in the technique.  In my own experience doing it with my therapist, the “other hand work” triggered horrible flashbacks from my past which created a time of extreme emotional discomfort and unhappiness for me.  But going through all of this with my therapist helped me to realise just how terrible the child abuse inflicted on me was, and helped me to understand my boundary crossing behaviours and other negative behaviours, as well as perception problems, etc. better so that I had something to work with to help myself to heal. 
 
In Logotherapy, we do not linger on our client’s past for longer than is absolutely necessary.  If we feel it is necessary to touch on the past briefly to gain perspective and understanding of a present problem our client is experiencing or struggling with, then we will do that, but we most certainly will not stay with our client’s in their past-story for too long.  My own therapist, a social worker, did hold me in a past state for far too long which caused iatrogenic damage in me, but since then thankfully, my study and work in the field of Logotherapy has helped me to surface and find a new and healthier way of being.
 
Regardless of what went wrong in my therapy though as a result of transference and countertransference, I will still be forever grateful to my therapist for all that went right during that time and for all that I learned about myself… my learning was invaluable and without it, I would never have been able to come as far as I am today.
 
Anyway, the other hand work, is something that still helps me today and it has also proved very helpful to my clients and I have been told, helpful to the clients of other therapists who I have passed this technique onto.   I have designed a presentation on the subject of this technique and would love to have the opportunity of presenting it and my other presentations also, locally (Krugersdorp, Gauteng), or, nearby towns and other safe areas not too far from my home.  Preferably on Saturday’s only (not at night).  Being able to present is a way for me to not only share the wonderful message of how Logotherapy has helped me to find healing, but also, a way to earn money to go towards subsidising our living and for home improvements.  I might even be able to upgrade my blog which is something I am longing to do so that I can occasionally post videos and voice messages also.
 
The power of the other hand explained briefly ©
(Note:  This exercise works equally as well for left hand dominant people as it does for right hand dominant people)

• Writing with the non-dominant hand (more often left hand) accesses the image-based emotional side of the brain.
• Swapping to the dominant hand (more often right hand) accesses the Logical side of the brain.
• Reliving of feelings occurs in the swap.
• This exercise helps one to transcribe experience into words (narrative) or drawings (images), Integrating image and logic as you swap hands.
• One would use their dominant hand (adult) to ask the (inner-child), non-dominant hand a question, or to ask about a problem they are experiencing.
• Then they would switch and use their (non-dominant - childlike hand and emotions) to draw an image impression of their thoughts and feelings in response, or answer the dominant hand in writing. 
• Then swap back to the dominant hand again to ask another question or answer the non-dominant hand’s queries.
• By doing so, the person is integrating both the logical and image-based experiences.
• This allows for truth in communicating with one’s self, as well as personal reality and honesty with one’s self.  By allowing one’s non-dominant hand (inner-child) to have a voice, the adult is able to express thoughts and feelings they would otherwise not speak about normally for fear of making a fool of themselves.  True expression of thoughts and feelings, wants and desires, dreams and hopes, anger and fear, etc. are freely revealed whilst doing “the other hand” work.
• Using the power of the other hand helps a person to face problems and find solutions to problems more readily and effectively.

 
Books to read and links to look at: 
 
The Power of Your Other Hand ~ Lucia Capacchione
Recovery of Your Inner-child ~ Lucia Capacchione
 
Lucia Capacchione, PhD, ATR
luciacapa@aol.com
http://www.LuciaC.com
http://www.VisioningCoach.org
 
The day before yesterday, I was feeling very depressed and alone in my struggles once again as a result of the hard drive crash.  Since the crash, I have been experiencing feelings of drowning in the chaos of all the losses and struggles to piece things back together in order to get my Institute work back on track and at the same time, very feeling torn by the fact that I am not finding time yet to get to piecing together whatever is left of my own personal works.
 
I decided to do a non-dominant hand drawing to express my feelings and try to help myself get back on top of things again.  I started by using my dominant had to ask myself a question… although it’s not exactly a question, but it did require a non-dominant hand answer. 
 
I wrote: “Show me how you’re feeling right now as a result of the hard drive crash.”
 
Then I responded using my non-dominant hand in drawing and writing.  I was able to gain more perspective once my drawing was done and my feelings expressed on paper instead of just destructively banging my head against the walls of my dark inner-dungeon of despair.
 
DRAWING:  My “other hand” work. 

Interpreting my drawing
If we look at the picture and read all the words, I think that “doom and gloom… destruction and hopelessness and maybe even a will to end my life” might come to mind (I can’t deny that such thoughts did enter my mind for about the first three weeks after the crash!)  But, during the interpretation of this drawing, (as with our clients), even though I see that I have crossed out the word “Meaning”, I am still able to see where the meaning potentials lie in my life and what is keeping me from drowning. 
 
Has the meaning of my life been wiped out by the hard drive crash?  Is the purpose of my life to be determined by a horrible computer virus that stole so much of what feels like my very soul from me?  Could all that destruction and those losses and all the extra work involved in “fixing it”, possibly stop me from at least still trying… pressing forward regardless of the exhaustion and stress involved? 
 
It is clearer to me when I observe what I had done by crossing out the word “Meaning”, that I have been lying to myself.  That regardless of how meaningless this situation might feel… or the wailing's of my mind…
 
“Why has life done this to me?... I cannot see any meaning in this situation!... This is the last straw!... Just another cruel and meaningless blow of fate on my life!...  What more does Life want from me!  How much more will it take!...  When will it all end!... Where is my REST?  Where is my PEACE?
 
… meaning still exists and calls to me from the depths of my soul and from somewhere… “out there”…
 
“DON’T GIVE UP!... YOU STILL HAVE WORK TO DO... YOU ARE STILL NEEDED... YOUR LIFE STILL HAS A UNIQUE PURPOSE… NOTHING CAN TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU… NO LOSSES… NO BLOWS OF FATE FROM LIFE… NO SADNESS… NO TRIAL…”
 
Searching for the meaning messages in my illustration

"Logotherapy is an unwaveringly realistic and positive orientation toward life and toward personal and collective human destiny. According to Dr Viktor Frankl, no moment in life is devoid of meaning. The innate will to meaning eternally calls man to aspire toward the highest conscious values in every given circumstance. Logotherapy is a celebration of the divine spirit of man. Logotherapy is an affirmation of the transcendent as the call to authenticity resounding deep within human conscience" ~ Haya Baker Winiarz
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• Although I feel torn, fragmented and somewhat hopeless by the fact that I am unable to get to saving my own works in what feels like a stormy sea doing its’ best to drown/destroy me and lifelong dreams also, I see that I have drawn my one arm, outstretched towards my works.  This must mean that I am still clutching onto the hope of saving them someday.  That I haven’t given up completely on them as a result of my intense feelings of hopelessness in saving them.  The defiant power of my human spirit still reaches out in defiance of my apparent losses and real losses… shouting out to them… “I will not let you go!... I cannot… I MUST NOT!”  (JUST KEEP GOING… DON’T STOP!)
• My other hand is desperately trying to hold up the Institute (The Viktor Frankl Institute of Logotherapy), as I try to put everything there right again.  I am a person who needs order… I cannot function without it… I HAD ORDER… everything was in its’ right place before the crash… but now it all feels like chaos… stormy… drowning!  But, I am still moving forward somehow… my sense of responsibility (and gratitude) towards the Institute, our students, my mentors, etc. is also what is keeping me from drowning.  Though I have drawn the institute as though it was a huge, heavy rock… a burden, it is in-fact the extreme effort (emotional and otherwise) of just trying to fix everything for the Institute that is weighing so heavily on me.  It’s taking too long… it feels TOO HARD… I feel out of my depth trying to do it all… very alone.  But nobody can do this job for me… it is my responsibility and only I can make it all right again… but it really does feel TOO HARD right now… I feel emotionally exhausted by it all.  I find meaning in my work, so regardless of the stress involved at this time… it is what is keeping me going. 
• The hearts drawn on “Institute” and around my books and poetry, shows that I must still have a will to meaning connected to both… even a “will to LIFE”.   So, while my feet show the words, “run and hide”… I know that I cannot… I have to survive this struggle… to transcend it. 

 
REMEMBERING TO BREATHE

• I have drawn myself with two heads, with my focus fixed on those two most important areas of my life… (my work and my personal works)… and if feels as though I am being pulled in two directions… almost ripping me apart!  The depression and tension this is creating in me, is causing me to dissociate a lot during the days when I’m trying to work and this is making my progress even slower which is not helping one bit!  AARGH!  The words on my illustration “slow motion” express how it all feels right now.
• Of course, as seen in some of the words on my dress… the script messages from my past are working against me also as I continue to feel so BAD as a result of the crash and all that has gone wrong.  As if I am entirely to blame that the crash happened in the first place, and that maybe I’m not so loved or important in my role at work anymore.

 
I do hope that anyone reading this can see the value in this incredibly powerful healing technique and perhaps use it in your own practice to help your clients or selves. 
 
Please do heed the warning above first though and be well informed before doing the “other hand” work. 
 
For the general lay person dealing with little day-to-day problems, you could ask with your dominant hand… “how do I deal with this problem?”… and respond in writing or drawing with your non-dominant hand.  Very often solutions to problems are found in this way.  We most often have the answers to our problems already inside of us, we just need to discover them for ourselves and this technique helps with that.
 
So, before I end this post, some really good news…
 
1.  On the fourth of September, I was surprised by my very first donation into my PayPal account.  A beautiful friend in Israel.  A lady I have never personally met, but we have become close friends over time, because of our shared interest in Logotherapy especially.  It was the strangest feeling to receive her donation… as if I never really believed that it would actually happen that anyone would respond to my plea… it actually felt surreal to me when I saw that donation post.  I just sat and stared at it for a while as it slowly sunk in and then it was PURE JOY!  I am so grateful for the kindness that exists in this world. 
​
Raising money for my bathroom makeover and computer is a real possibility and that gives me a whole lot of hope.  I will share about that in my next post.
 
2.  My far away son and family have moved to a new home recently and they are all so happy.  My son wrote to let me know how happy he is and that he will be inviting us to a braai soon now that they are more settled.  I can’t wait. 

3.  Last night I only got 5 hours sleep, so that’s not good news… but the good news is an unusual snippet of a dream I had the night before last.  I woke up feeling elated. 

The dream was very vague, but what I can remember of it was very clear… I was standing doing something somewhere…  maybe washing dishes in a kitchen… I can’t remember, but that’s what it feels like.  I’m aware of other women in the background also doing something.  I hear myself singing that beautiful song by Andrea Bocelli, Céline Dion - The Prayer (Link below).  I’m singing as if I have no cares about who is listening or what they might think of me while we’re working together there.   I turn to my left and there’s an African lady standing next to me.  A beautiful young woman and she is smiling the most serene smile for me, as if she is acknowledging and truly appreciating my voice. 
 
And that’s it… I woke up.  It was the most unusual dream, because it left me feeling so happy… I’m still feeling it and it’s beautiful. 
 
I’m not 100% sure what the interpretation of such a short and unusual dream is, but I do hope that whatever happens, that openly sharing my voice is making a difference as you read over my blog posts… that even though I discuss my struggles here, that someone somewhere is finding their own healing way as they read also about how I work to get through my struggles and rise above them, especially through the power of Logotherapy in my life.  I would love to know that my voice is making a difference for good to someone, somewhere out there and a BIG thank you those who have already commented on my blog posts or sent personal letters to me.  Your letters spur me on and add to the meaning of my life.
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As an abused child I felt invisible and my voice was STOPPED… today I have at least some of my voice back again and I’m now doing my best to use it to bring healing to others who have also been rendered invisible and voiceless for far too long as a result of child abuse.  May we all find our healing so that we can together, STAND UP and SPEAK OUT against child abuse and any other forms of abuse, and may we all become the VICTORS of our own lives so that we can be there for others. 
 
I hope many will be blessed by some of the ideas that I share on my blog, so that my voice can make a difference in this world and bring increased understanding, acceptance, love, peace, healing and happiness to all.
 
My work for transcendence over my sufferings continues and I wish the same for you.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qt_OkgSOrkU
 
Lyrics (I can’t promise these Lyrics are correct… I saw them on a person’s comment on the link above and decided to share them here)
 
[Celine] I pray you'll be our eyes And watch us where we go And help us to be wise In times when we don't know Let this be our prayer When we lose our way Lead us to a place Guide us with your grace To a place where we`ll be safe [Andrea] La luce que tu hai [Celine] I pray will find your light [Andrea] Nel cuore resterà [Celine] And hold it in our hearts [Andrea] A ricordarci che [Celine] When stars go out each night [Andrea] Eterna stella sei Nella mia preghiera [Celine] Let this be our prayer [Andrea] Quanta fede c`è [Celine] When shadows fill our day [Andrea] Lead us to a place [Celine] Guide us with your grace [Both] Give us faith so we'll be safe Sogniamo un mondo senza piú violenza Un mondo de giustizia e di speranza Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino Simbolo di pace, di fraternità [Andrea] La forza che ci dà [Celine] We ask that life be kind [Andrea] È il desiderio che [Celine] And watch us from above [Andrea] Ognumo trovi amor [Celine] We hope each soul will find [Andrea] Intorno e dentro sè [Celine] Another soul to love [Both] Let this be our prayer [Celine] Let this be our prayer [Andrea] Just like every child [Celine] Just like every child [Both] Needs to find a place Guide us with your grace Give us faith so we'll be safe E la fede che Hai accesso in noi Sento che ci salverà
 
I would love to hear your comments on my posts.  You don’t need to use your real name to comment.  I will approve comments before posting, but only because I don’t want my readers (adult survivors of child abuse) to be further hurt in any way by added negativity.  So far, I have only had women e-mailing me or commenting on my posts, but would love to have the opinions of the men out there also.  Especially men who also struggle as a result of child abuse having been inflicted on them in their youth. 
 
If any of my readers would like to share your stories of how child abuse has affected your life or functioning and what you are doing to cope or heal, I will be happy to post them on my blog.  Please keep them short to approximately one Word page or less.  Thank you.
 
Thank you for sharing with me.  Here’s wishing you a great day!
 
~ Panayiota