STAND BY ME

​I’m quite sure that some of my readers will tire of my going on about the same things over and over.  But I believe so strongly that when a wounded person is deliberately deprived of another’s portion of love and connection as a result of negative judgement against the wounded person, they are then thrown into a deepened and sometimes an even dangerous state of hopelessness and prolonged suffering and in a sense, abject loneliness (even in a crowd), that hugely hinders their healing, sometimes even until the point of no return and/or even addiction and death.
 
I have been silenced all my life… but no more!  I now write on behalf of others out there whose voices have also been silenced as a result of abuse… may you find your own voice soon.

​Those of us who have been accused of being in the so called “wrong place” according to the harsh and often twisted judgments of others, can be helped most through love and connection from the “right places” … according to me.  Right  places meaning… where love should be coming from… family, churches, friends, work colleagues and organisations that are equipped to encourage and uplift the so called “lost” (evil wrong doers)… and not by expecting the “lost” to be as they are, but rather by totally accepting the wounded one in their uniqueness and their brokenness, with open arms of genuine love, and a will to assist them on their healing journey… understanding that only the unique person can find their own way to healing, and we as their loved ones, mentors, teachers, helpers, counsellors… whatever, are there only to love and uplift and help to open the necessary doors to the REAL & DEEPEST NEEDS of the wounded or different than we are, one in front of us. 
 
“Experiential values are blessings we receive from life.  Experiential values are manifested in what is good, beautiful and true. We open up to what is good, beautiful and genuine.  These things (values) call forth our appreciation; they involve us in a committed way.  The greatest experiential value, however, is love.  Love brings us in vital touch with ourselves and with others whom we experience in all their uniqueness and specialness.  Love can fill us with limitless devotion and arouse feelings of deep caring and responsibility.” (Shantall, 2003, p. 40) ~ The Quest for Destiny
 
It is not for us to decide what will FIX anyone… but rather to humbly open our hearts and minds, in an effort to freely give to them what they truly need for their healing journey, to help them to find the needed strength and courage to FIX THEMSELVES. 
 
Love and connection are so important with genuine, consistent, (convincing and believable), unconditional LOVE being the most powerful healer of all.
 
https://upliftconnect.com/opposite-addiction-connection/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_General_Theory_of_Love (I would like a copy of this book)

​Logotherapy is very helpful for those who need to find their own way through their struggles… especially when they find themselves very much alone in the world… and for especially those who have lost trust in the world due to having been so harshly judged by others and already condemned to hell’s burning flames by some!
 
“Logotherapy tries to make the patient fully aware of his own responsibleness; therefore, it must leave to him the option for what, to what, or to whom he understands himself to be responsible.  That is why a Logotherapist is the least tempted of all psychologists to impose value judgements on his patients, for he will never permit the patient to pass to the doctor the responsibility of judging.” (Frankl 2008: 114) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
“It is, therefore, up to the patient to decide whether he should interpret his life task as being responsible to society or to his own conscience.   There are people, however, who do not interpret their own lives merely in terms of a task assigned to them but also in terms of the taskmaster who has assigned it to them.” (Frankl 2008:114) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
“Logotherapy is neither teaching nor preaching.  It is as far removed from logical reasoning as it is from moral exhortation.  To put it figuratively, the role played by a Logotherapist is that of an eye specialist rather than that of a painter.  A painter tries to convey to us a picture of the world as he sees it; an ophthalmologist tries to enable us to see the world as it really is.” (Frankl 2008:114-115) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
Having come through many years of struggle, with the experience of being judged harshly over and over by those who never really tried to understand or accept my differences, or feared my differences, etc., I have come to understand how destructive the judgments of others can be on the wounded souls of this world.  Judgement causes us to put on defensive armour to disguise our pain resulting in protective anger… (see picture-quote below) … judgement causes us to lose trust and separates us, we might then withdraw (resulting in abject loneliness and aloneness)… 

(Until you know how this feels, don’t even try to answer the questions below, because you more than likely won’t have a clue!)
 
Lost trust, suffocating trapped anger and abject loneliness
Where could or does that take us to?
What choices do we make to end the pain of living like that?
 
Many people find more destructive ways of dealing with the pain of lost trust, trapped anger and loneliness, (ultimately leading to being even further judged by the world that should have loved and stood by us in the first place).
 
Are we still alone to blame for where we end up, or does some responsibility for our heading into “wrong places” or to our demise rest also on the shoulders of those who weren’t there for us when they should have and could have been?
 
STANDBY ABSUERS is what I call them!
 
Without someone who could see our uniqueness and authenticate our worth, and loved and cared enough to help us to see our own strengths and worth, which would surely help us to live our best lives, (even without the trust for, or love from, or connection with those others who should have always been there, standing by our side), how on earth could we easily find our own way to taking responsibility for our lives and behaviours, etc.  If the world tells us we're not good, we might believe that we are no good.
 
REJECTION makes the whole journey that much harder for the wounded person… it delays and hinders our growth and healing… it sets us on “wrong paths”… we become “lost”… and lost and lonely hurts like hell, because it hurts us on a spiritual level.
 
“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behaviour” (Frankl, 2006, p. 20). 
  
“Something meaningful draws us out of ourselves – it enlarges our vision, enriches us and causes us to grow: to become bigger and better than we are.  Frankl quoted Goethe as saying: “If we take a man as he is, we make him worse; if we take him as he ought to be, we help him become it” (Shantall, 2002, p. 19) ~ Life’s Meaning in the Face of Suffering

​Example of all I’ve been trying to explain above

With all the changes about to happen at work, with us going fully online with our Logotherapy students training as from next year, I have on one hand felt so excited about it, knowing that this will be a good step forward for our Logotherapy institute and the people we serve now and will serve in the future.  We are in the process of announcing the exciting new changes to the whole world, so that all who would like to study with the institute and become a part of our wonderful Logotherapy family, can be welcomed with open arms. 
  
Anyway, with all the changes, our mentor has been working out who will do what… trainers and their duties, etc.  She sent a letter to us all, and in it, my name was down for inclusion as an online webinar trainer… I NEARLY FAINTED!  Went straight into panic mode… instant tears of genuine fear… imagining that my job was over with, because I’d reached as far as I could go with it, and there was nothing more I could do to make any difference… so, I reacted on my panic, by writing the following letter…
 
Letter to my mentor and our training team (with an ever growing sense of freedom and trust to express myself authentically to them)
 
Dear (mentor) and all... you have got me RUNNING at the very thought of live chat with students, and needing to respond to questions, etc.  This is NOT my strength at all, and I don't believe it ever will be.  Maybe I first need to understand what is meant by webinar... if they can and even can't see me and if they ask me questions... it's already OVER... I cannot respond.  My colleague will be holding all the weight and I would be an embarrassed dead weight for this.  I am only able to write... I need lots of time to get my thoughts together.  I can prepare for webinars... present on webinars a prepared subject... and I could create charts, write poems/stories and PowerPoints, etc. around areas that I see the students need more understanding, but I CANNOT ANSWER QUESTIONS.  That's already a given... it's never going to change.  It is the curse that I've been stuck with since my childhood... a curse that has kept me from being a full trainer in the first place!  NOPE... I'm not even going to chance going there.  There would be too much expectation of responsibility and that's when I run, because I only have so much to give and NO MORE!  I'm also wondering how I would cope with marking portfolios, etc. if there were hundreds of people from all over the world registered... I have to be honest... this is scaring me half to death here! I love and fully support the whole online thing, but I can't imagine how I'm going to cope with MORE... it's too scary to make any promises right now or to commit myself to something I know I will not be able to do or keep up with.  I can sacrifice financially, because we've always been taken care of no matter what, but I can't give more of what I don't believe I have.  I'm so sorry... please forgive me for being the weak link... I am doing my best already... I don't know how I could do any better than this and answering questions I DO KNOW I CAN'T DO... I'm sorry to let you all down like this... 

My mentor’s incredibly strengthening Logotherapeutic response brought tears of relief and absolute gratitude to my eyes, because her words put me back into my sense of being completely and utterly accepted in my uniqueness and personal abilities—just as I am… She immediately gave me back my sense of self-worth and took away my brokenness and stupidness tears, replacing them with tears of gratitude, respect, hope and love… she had in just a few words, strengthened me with a will and determination to keep moving forward, with all that I am uniquely capable of doing, without holding onto the shame of not being like the others, or being able to do as they do.  She helped me to feel okay to be me again!
 
Dear Pan,
 
You are NOT letting us down, only making everything clearer.  And here we go again with what is awesomely happening throughout the development of these courses:  as soon as, no, IMMEDIATELY after a suggestion has been made, it is CONFIRMED!  When I responded to our colleagues suggestion of diagrammatic illustrations of the course, saying that it is EXACTLY your forte, here you answer (the very next e-mail I open) to say that that is what you can and want to do and no more.  NO MORE is exactly right!  We each have a UNIQUE role.  The one is not a replica or a replacement of another. No one can take the place of another or take over what they are doing.  The torch is passed to each NEW generation!  
 
We are meant to work TOGETHER.  Each part is needed to form a coherent and magnificent whole!  You are right, you are NOT a trainer and that will NEVER be your role.  YOU ARE TOO IMPORTANT ELSEWHERE!!  I want all of us to stop thinking about ourselves in a negative light.  That you were "shut up" as a child and therefore, out of fear, never gained the confidence to speak outright and forthrightly, is not a curse BUT A BLESSING.  It shaped your talents, prepared your space to occupy.  IT SERVED YOU. Hell opens up heaven's doors!  It was a terrible wrong, yes, and it evoked so much fear, but now, as we recognize that the wrong was simply decapitated in making it serve what is right for you, the curse is turned into a blessing!  It takes the sting out of making you a victim of wrong.  YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM, BUT THROUGH LIBERALIZATION, CAN STEP OUT OF YOUR FEARS AS A VICTOR!  There is no need for fear anymore.  The meaning of your life is at the Head of things now.  Having been brought through the worst, the best is serving you now.  You have meaning at your side.  EVEN NOW YOUR FEARS SERVE YOU:  THEY SHOW YOU WHERE NOT TO GO AND, IN DOING SO, FREES YOU TO WHERE, IN FACT, YOU SHOULD BE GOING!
 
Hallelujah!

​I once wrote:
 
STAND BY ME
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Those who stood by me, they're the ones
Who I'll remember all my days through
The ones that truly believed in me
It's their love that’s true
 
They're the ones that I will share my future dreams with
The ones that I will turn to if ever again I need
They can know my fears and disappointments
It's their love that gave me the strength to endure and succeed
 
Thank you Lord for I was never left alone
Thank you for these friends so very dear
They took away my pain and made me strong
They never gave up and were always there to help and hear
 
I will love them with my deepest gratitude
I will honour them when I remember these days
I will hold them in my heart so very dear
Because of their friendship and steadfast loving ways
 
~ Panayiota

(14th August 1998 – For Porky and Ra, Roy and Hester, Carol (G) and Hazel, Jonathan and my other children, Doris, Michael and Charles, Shev and Greg, Anne and Alec, Emmy, Marius and Dasie, the Youngs, Freeda, Liz, Radio Good News, Brendan and Carol (W), Dave and Breeze.)
 
(It’s good to look back on my old poems and to see some of the names I ascribed with them.  Just a moment in time when these names memorialised below this poem, made so much difference in helping me to get through a most difficult time.)
 
A LISTENING EAR
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You listened when I needed someone to hear
You didn’t interrupt or interfere
You helped me unload my heavy burden
When I was miserable and uncertain
Your reassuring words and friendly smile
Eased my pain for a little while
A friend in need is a friend indeed
And you were there when I had a need
Thank you for being a listening ear
You lifted my spirit when you were near
If I should feel sad, ever again
I hope someone like you will be there to hear my pain
 
~ Panayiota
(July 06, 1995 – To the Wordsworth Tuck Shop ladies, especially Val)
 
Another time I wrote:
 
NO ONE’S LISTENING!
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No one’s listening!  No one’s listening
No one hears or understands
No one’s listening!  No one’s listening
No one cares; no reaching hands
 
All alone I’m bound to travel
The vast reaches of this earth
What is the meaning of my life here
What was the purpose of my birth
 
Why is this battle so endless
When will it ever stop
Will I be judged as a success someday
Or will I forever be judged as a flop
 
Will no one see the real me
Will no one know me true
Will I forever roam this earth
Alone and judged by you
 
When will someone believe in me
Or understand my way
I long for the love of true friendship
To uplift me each new day
 
But no one’s listening-No one hears
All alone I’m bound to be
No reaching hands to show who cares
Because no one’s listening to me
 
~ Panayiota
(22 February 2003)
 
HE’S WORTH IT!
© All rights reserved ~ www.pattyskeys.co.za
 
Here we go again
“Get over it!  Get on with it!” You say
“Find a job!  Move on!
Find your own way!”
No thought of his insecurities
No thought of his fears
No thought of his lack of confidence
No thought for all his sad years
No thought of who he really is
Deep, deep down inside
He needs ‘good friends’
He’s worth the effort
His faith in life has died
He’s worth it!  He’s worth it
He’s worth our every hug
Please don’t just sit back untouched
This young man needs our love
Every ounce of energy we have to spare
Could draw him back to life
Could hold him near…
Cast out his fear
He’s worth it.  I plead.  He’s worth it
He’s worth every little bit
Let us work to save him please
And lift him from the dreadful pit
For where he is right now
It’s so lonely and dark
And it’s as dreary as can be
A place where disappearing and death
Is the only way out he can see
 
Please help him; he’s worth it
Please!  Please help him!
 
~ Panayiota
(17 July 2005)
 
(My plea for you dear Dino, with all my love, Aunty Pan – Young friend with an addiction to heroin, who I did my best to love and help, when I could, and when he wanted more than anything to be helped)  I hope I made some difference for good.

I once wrote:  
 
Our Inner Voice
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“Our inner voice – (noetic dimension / spiritual dimension) – is what should guide us.  Church and other religious teachings can inspire us to be good or do better, but what’s inside of us, our own conscience and unique spirit, working in alignment with one another, is the true voice we should be listening to, because that’s “The TRUE Voice of Heaven within” and not one distorted by the opinions and judgments of the world”
 
~ Panayiota
(30 December 2013)
 
THE NOTES IN A BEAUTIFUL SONG
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Sometimes God allows us to leave the right path for a time
So, we’ll find out way Back on our own
And we often find out that the new path we’re on
Leaves us battered and naked, alone
 
Our true path can only be found high above
Leading to the top of our Mountain of Hope
There’s often a great struggle to find it there
Sometimes hidden on a steep mountain slope
 
So, although it appears, we may have lost our true way
God knows that it still lies ahead
For the journey’s not over and can never be
‘Till we’ve taken our very last breath
 
So, don’t judge the path another might take
We can’t see their beginning or end
Only God knows the path we each need
And He’s plotted every forest and bend
 
We cannot force others to travel our way
Or expect them to know what we mean
If they haven’t been sent on the paths of our lives
Or seen all the things that we’ve seen
 
God counts every hair on the head of each child
Appointing each child an “unique task”
He helps us along and supplies every need
Though we often forget to ask
 
If we just opened our eyes to His presence each day
No matter the path others are on
We’ll learn to accept that each soul on this earth,
Is exactly where each belong...
 
♪  ...LIKE THE NOTES IN A BEAUTIFUL SONG... ♪
 
When the notes come together in harmony and grace
A beautiful tune is played
By accepting with faith, the path of each child
God’s Love is exquisitely portrayed
 
~ Panayiota
(9th June 2013)
 
We need each other
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“Each of us is so unique and should be loved and accepted in our uniqueness. We all have something to give to the world... we all have something we need to receive from the world... WE NEED EACH OTHER”
 
~ Panayiota
(29 December 2013)
 
Thank you for sharing with me.  Please write and let me know if you identify with anything I share, or if my sharing is helpful in any way. 
 
~ Panayiota
 
p.s. If anyone is interested in a follow up to what happened to the whole “Christmas in July” debacle that I wrote about in my last blog post, you can take a look at this:
​
https://christmasinjulyfail.home.blog/?fbclid=IwAR0mXrsn4tTgM4_uuyi_HiigCDorkabhC1lDaDeISFCUhNkXhB8SjxrGYHk