The most unexpected, needed, and therefore most beautiful hug

(Sharing my Facebook post updates)
22 July: The interesting thing for me again, is that before I'd finished yesterday's blog post (IS THIS MY LAST BLOG POST?  You get to decide…), I developed a sharp pain on the point of my right elbow and couldn't rest it on the chair arm... it's still sore, but not as bad as yesterday and my knee is niggling again. Weird how unloading and touching on deep emotional stuff triggers psychosomatic aches and pains so quickly. I find it so interesting.
 
My middle son visited me on his way home from church today and that was such a joy and a blessing as I hadn’t seen him in a while.  He’s been very busy with a house move, painting and fixing up the new house as well as frequent business trips.
 
23 July: Yesterday after two nights of less than 6 hours sleep, I was exhausted beyond measure, but at the same time so restless and once again, I got that insecurity-obsessive thing where I needed to cook for the whole nation! Anything and everything I could find to cook I cooked to try and ensure we wouldn't starve... Made a mountain of cupcakes using the returns-packs my sister-in law gave me, and meals ready in the fridge for two days with some over for freezing... washed dishes all day and could not rest until it was all done and I finally collapsed with nothing left. Took 1/4 sleeping pill and slept like a log... a good 8 hours again!
 
24 July:
Happy 39th Birthday to my first-born son… I love him so much!  I didn’t get to see him for his birthday, but I’m just glad I got to chat with him over the phone.
 
Woken after 5 1/2 hours sleep last night with our new bush-mechanic neighbour revving one of his cars much better at 3am!!! He buys, mends and sells cars at home to make money! I could NOT believe it… I am usually very patient with neighbours, but this one is pushing all the wrong buttons! I want to strangle him right now, because I couldn’t sleep much at all after that! When he revs the cars in the carport, the fumes come billowing into our garage (new hobby room) through the opening at the top of our roll-up garage door and we keep our clean washing in the garage, and other stuff, so it makes everything smell of fumes! I remember his mother saying the day that they arrived, that they were evicted from their last place… I wondered why… well, I’m not wondering anymore!  We share a carport and twice now, that I have heard, he has also reversed so hard into his CLOSED gate (attached to the same frame as our gate), that it’s rattled my whole house and the wall on my side of the car-port is coming apart with a crack as a result! This morning we were unable to re-lock our gate once my youngest son opened it to go out when his transport to work arrived, because their broken gate, off of its rails, was in the way! Also meaning that our car is not protected at night, because their gate is not securely locked! I’m going to have to report him, because I don’t want to be the one paying for that broken wall, etc. when the time comes. I feel most uncomfortable with a neighbour I can’t trust completely being so close. With our car parked right next to the one's he brings home in the same shared car port. my also couldn't sleep much after that noisy revving at 3am!
 
Later that day
GOOD NEWS: Our financial struggle is over this month... a most generous payment (blessing) for a Logotherapy dream interpretation from a very special friend (my miracle)... an interpretation which I haven't even done yet and I haven't even received it yet to work on... talk about pressure... EEEK!  But I'm so grateful you have no idea. That's taken a huge burden off of our shoulders for the rest of this month and might even go a long way towards having the car's timing sorted out next month. I also need to get underclothes, shorts and socks for my son, as well as at least one more work shirt... not to mention a vacuum cleaner, lawn mower, etc. But one thing at a time... we are truly very blessed and so grateful.
 
26 July:  My daughter in law’s birthday today… (recently divorced from my first son and now she is in hospital again with emotional struggles).  My son has been staying with her mother while she is away, to help take care of their children. 
 
27 July: The neighbor on the other side of our noisy new neighbour called me to tell me that on the night of the revving, she was also woken up, but by a huge bang before the revving happened… so I gather that was a third time that we know of, that he’s driven into the carport gate and knocked it off its railing!  I’m glad to know we’re not the only neighbours disturbed by this man’s inconsiderate and rude behavior.  I just feel sorry for his old parents though, who must be so embarrassed by him and need to move every time he creates havoc.  God bless them ♥
 
A MOST WONDERFUL DAY!
TOTALLY BLESSED: We've had a big donation from my dear far-away sister and brother in law, that will cover for sure, a new vacuum... it might even cover something else that we need... i.e. car timing to be sorted out, or a small mower or push mower, or a lock for our new hobby room (outside leading) door which we cannot lock yet because that came broken, so our house is still not secure... we also need to fix the inside door of the hobby room, because the door handle hole is offset and makes it very hard to move the handle or turn the key... it's already broken once and needed to be replaced. And the drip in the kitchen still needs to be fixed again... still dripping. And then there's the bathroom conversion I'd love to have done... bath to a shower... but that will need to wait for better days. Some more brick work for the back yard also needs to be done to complete our veggie patch. Not to mention my youngest son urgently needs underpants, socks and at least one more work shirt... so... my needs can wait for now... these other things are so much more important.
 
I'm very grateful that at least some of it can be done between the last two generous donations... Heaven sure is watching over us... ♥♥♥
 
My son also blessed me with some petrol money for collecting the children from the school today, because he was going to be too late from the airport to pick them up on time.  I am grateful for all the help we have received this month… we are so blessed.
 
I'm off to go post a student’s study pack at the Post Office... I hope the student receives it... we've had such struggles with the PO... I can't trust them anymore, but it was the student’s choice.
 
SIRENS AND AN UNEXPECTED, COMFORTING HUG
So, off I went to the post office… (it takes courage for me to leave my house, but my sense of responsibility towards the students is huge and I feel it’s so important to get their study packs off to them as quickly as possible, so that’s like a TOP priority over my own fears.) 
 
I’m the only person at the post office not too far from my house and the lady processes the study pack quickly.  As I’m about to leave, there is suddenly a huge noise of sirens and police cars rushing past outside… I froze at the door for a few seconds… panic attack coming on… aware that the lady who served me can see me, so I need to keep it together…
 
(For as long as I can remember, the sound of sirens too close by, creates panic in me.  In therapy we attributed this to the fact that my mother was always going into fitting attacks, and from a very young age, I’d be the one needing to call for help for her… then the ambulances and whatever other emergency services would arrive and take her away.  I’m not sure if we went with them in the ambulance or another vehicle, because we were very small, or if we were left with neighbours, but I do think that on some occasions, we were put into a stranger’s vehicle in the midst of the horror of seeing our mother in such a state being taken away from us, and we were taken with to wherever, because we were too small to be left at home alone… I mostly experience panic attacks when a police car rushes past me when I’m driving.  My chest gets really tight, my pulse rate and breathing increases and I start to cry).
 
Trying to avoid panicking in front of the lady in the Post Office, I decided to leave… I wanted to go to the store next door, to buy some stock cubes… even though we had received enough money now to get through the month, I was cooking for the nation again yesterday and again today!!!  (Still not over the feelings of insecurity from a month of money shortage).  Two large pots of food simmering on the stove and the electric frying pan also going on the counter!  Crazy! 
 
Anyway, so I leave the Post Office… feeling detached… police cars with their sirens screaming, still rushing past one after the other… I walk towards the store next door… my son and family used to work there.  David, a massive security guard is standing outside the door… people have massed by the door to watch the police cars passing… David is a familiar face… a place of safety… I find myself walking straight towards him and stop right next to him… and to my absolute surprise, in an instant… as if he just KNEW… he put his big old arm around me and pulled me close to him in a single armed hug.  In that moment in time, when I was on the edge of a full-blown panic attack, that hug came as a blessing beyond blessings.  I still wonder how he came to do that… did the fear show on my face?  I don’t know… I cannot remember much of anything between the Post Office and standing next to him… He’s very tall… a big man… I looked up at him and asked him what’s happening, and he responded, that he thinks it’s maybe a police funeral procession. 
 
When it was all over, I asked him what he’d like (we often come out with sweets for him, because we know he loves those), and he said he’d like a loaf of bread to take home with him later… so he walked with me into the shop, which still helped me to feel safe… chose his bread and came with me to the till.  Once paid for he took it, thanked me and went off back to his duties. 
 
As I was driving home and came to the crossroad where the police had rushed past just moments before, I allowed myself to remember and the panic instantly rose and tears flowed… so I had to remind myself that it was not necessary, I was safe and no harm was done… I was able to pull myself together before I arrived home and got over it quick enough. 
 
I will never forget David’s beautiful protective hug in a moment of desperate need.  What a special man he is!  Another BFG (Big Friendly Giant) like my youngest son.
 
The beautiful eclipse
To finish off this beautiful day, we were treated to an eclipse of the moon around 21h30… I’m sure it was the first time I can remember ever seeing a red moon… it was absolutely beautiful.  I was happy to see a community member from our area had posted photos taken of it that looked exactly as I remembered seeing it the night before.  He kindly agreed for me to share those photos by Roelof de Bruyn here on my blog which I am thankful for. 
 
The eclipse was known as the longest eclipse of the century and I was glad that my son and I didn’t miss it.  The only problem… I had a bad tummy ache in the afternoon/evening (Could that have been as a result of the panic earlier in the day? This possibility only just occurred to me… because, I just remembered, that’s how it used to be in my past when I had bad panic attacks) so, we ended up going to sleep too late and both ended up having very little sleep.

​Thank you for sharing with me.
 
~ Panayiota