~ Posted 26th April 2017 ~
 
“I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again” ~ William Penn
 
My grandpa used to say that to me when I was a little girl, and it really did influence my life for good. 
 
We have no idea what little things can change the course of a child's life for the better.  This quote always stood out for me and still does to this day.
 
Sadly, to find out in my 40's that my grandpa also abused my mother, and this news shattered my former image of him... I always knew that my grandmother was a cruel and merciless child abuser which I have written about in my book that I hope to somehow have finished and published soon, but hearing that my grandpa was also a child abuser, was a horribly sad realisation for me.  I do remember only how I was revolted by his wet kisses that left his smelly spit on me... but I don't remember them as abuse, or any other abuse from him... but then I did block out most of my past for most of my life until my 50’s, when in therapy, flashback after flashback brought much of my awful past back to me.
 
I was later told that I was left with him at least once, for him to take care of me when I was very small, while my mother was back in the mental institute for treatment as a result of her unpredictable and violent attacks on us, her children, but I don’t remember any of that time while alone with him.  I also know that my mother refused to let our grandpa see us or write to us when I was a teenager… but I don’t remember why.
 
Let me continue to focus only on that beautiful quote that the grandpa I for so long believed in, once taught me.
 
Onwards and upwards…
~ Panayiota

~ Posted, 11 April 2017 ~

Last week and this week, my grandchildren are on their school break so I’ve had more time and have been trying so hard to get the last reading and self-editing of my book done prior to submitting it to the publishers, but it seems that a million and one things are getting in the way of me doing so. 
 
I’ve managed to read/edit up to page 71 of 209 pages… trying to shorten as I go… it was 112 pages when I started… not shortening enough yet. 
 
Last night I only managed 5 hours sleep which really doesn’t help one bit… I will have to nap today or the whole day will be wasted and I won’t be able to go to a ladies (family) night tonight planned by my daughter in law… I can’t function on lack of sleep and already feel exhausted and It’s just after 7am!   
 
The rehashing over my past to get the book done is hard work… but it must be done if my life’s work will ever make it into the world of others affected by child abuse out there, including to the abusers in the hopes that they will STOP hurting the innocent children so much and creating a lifetime of struggles for us all.
 
This is my purpose and I cannot let it go… I long for the day my/our book will be published. 
 
This is my gift to the world, based on my own life experiences as a result of child abuse and having suffered further abuse in my adulthood.
 
This book is my VICTORY OVER MY SUFFERING!
 
I pray it will assist you in finding and realising YOUR VICTORY OVER YOUR SUFFERING also.
 
Thank you for sharing my journey with me.  If you would like to briefly share your journey privately with me, or share your story on my blog with others, please contact me… ♥
 
Have a blessed day
~ Panayiota