​My friend’s name and photograph were used with permission.  Christa is in the process of moving and all her things are in boxes.  This was the only picture she could find of her brother as a soldier.  I thought it was perfect for this post, because in her dream he came to help her and she felt his comforting and protective presence with her.
 
April 25
Logotherapy Dream Interpretation (LDI)
 
Good morning my dearest Pan! I had a strange dream 2 nights ago...will you think on it a little and tell me what you think please?
 
Christa’s dream
There was a huge surge of water somewhere where I was...I think it was a seaside...and then it pulled back and I saw a really large fish struggling in a shallow pool of water...I tried so help it and all of a sudden my younger brother who was murdered some years ago appeared next to me to help...he looked so beautiful and calm...he told me not to stress he will make a plan...we both then proceeded to take the fish to an aquarium where it was examined to make sure that it was ok...the lady who assisted us told my brother that she found him very handsome and I looked at her in surprise and then I woke up...
 
I encourage my readers to try and work out how you could help Christa to find the unique meaning message of her dream, before reading my response to her dream below.  If it is true, that our dreams are helping us to find comfort and meaningful answers for our CURRENT struggles, keeping in mind, that WE ALREADY HAVE OUR UNIQUE ANSWERS inside of ourselves… what could Christa’s dream be revealing about her current struggle and how could her dream help her?
 
PART 1
My attempt to assist Christa to find the unique meaning message of her dream, using Logotherapy Dream Interpretation
 
There was a huge surge of water somewhere where I was...I think it was a seaside...
 
When you say huge surge of water, I get the feeling that there’s a sense of being threatened/overwhelmed/possibly feeling as if you are drowning by the seriousness of the situation… maybe the reality of the coronavirus got to you and made you feel really uncomfortable…
 
and then it pulled back and I saw a really large fish struggling in a shallow pool of water...
 
Suddenly it pulls back and there’s this large floundering fish… (you were possibly feeling like a fish out of water at the time) again, I’m imagining this dream is connected to your anxiety over the news of the coronavirus and as your dream I think was on the 24 March… two days before the start of the lockdown… the fish being LARGE would show me how you are fully aware of how HUGE this situation really is.
 
I think you were already anticipating the sudden feeling of being stranded and helpless (anticipatory anxiety) … to suddenly be separated from what has been giving you life/oxygen/food… all that has kept you going. 
 
If it’s a comfort, I was also very anxious as the lockdown day came closer…
 
I tried to help it
 
You wanted to make the situation all better… you really wished you could fix it.
 
all of a sudden, my younger brother who was murdered some years ago appeared next to me to help...he looked so beautiful and calm...he told me not to stress he will make a plan...
 
When people tell me that their deceased relative or friend appears in a dream, I take that in two ways… either you are remembering comfort from your brother… someone you looked up to for comfort… he was a beautiful calming presence for you… and his memory still comforts you even now and even subconsciously in your sleep, or consciously during waking hours as a result of how you felt then when the person was alive… or, it is also possible your brother’s spirit really did come into your dream to literally comfort you now, because he’s aware of your fears.
 
he looked so beautiful and calm...he told me not to stress he will make a plan...
 
His memory, is reassuring and comforting to you… or, his spirit literally appeared in your dream to comfort and reassure you.  If this is the case, I believe that he already sees the bigger picture… he prays on your behalf and he will make sure you will be protected and not have to go without.
 
we both then proceeded to take the fish to an aquarium where it was examined to make sure that it was ok...
 
His comforting presence is showing you that you have the power to do whatever it takes to make sure YOU are going to be okay.  And that you are not alone… his memory, or his presence is with you still through it all.
 
the lady who assisted us told my brother that she found him very handsome and I looked at her in surprise and then I woke up....
 
I think that this is your own subconscious response to his presence… you are acknowledging how beautiful he is to you… that you felt his presence/memory as something beautiful.  The surprise could be because he was there in the first place, or you were admitting for the first time maybe, how special he was to you and still is.
 
There we go dearest Christa.  Only you will know the true answer, but let me know if you feel this sounds like it could be the answer to your dream and if not, let me know if you have any other ideas now that I have shown you how this works.
 
If my interpretation does resonate with you, then please let me know if I can use it on my blog.  I would do it with or without your name, depending on what you give me permission to do.  I love to share with my readers, because it’s a way of helping others to learn how to help themselves to interpret their own dreams.
 
Lots of love,
Pan
 
PART 2
See Christa’s responses in brown below
 
There was a huge surge of water somewhere where I was...I think it was a seaside...
 
When you say huge surge of water, I get the feeling that there’s a sense of being threatened/overwhelmed/possibly feeling as if you are drowning/suffocating by the seriousness of the situation… maybe the reality of the coronavirus got to you and made you feel really uncomfortable…
 
I realised that it was the impending move to Pretoria that overwhelms me as everything is still so uncertain and I do not know when I'll be able to move with the lockdown happening.
 
and then it pulled back and I saw a really large fish struggling in a shallow pool of water...
 
Suddenly it pulls back and there’s this large floundering fish… (you were possibly feeling like a fish out of water at the time) again, I’m imagining this dream is connected to your anxiety over the news of the coronavirus and as your dream I think was on the 24th March… two days before the start of the lockdown here in South Africa.  The fish being LARGE would show me how you are fully aware of how HUGE this situation really is.
 
Yes...the lockdown literally took away any control I had over being able to plan the move and I knew I had to prepare myself for a new environment, but I am still stuck in my current environment...
 
I think you were already anticipating the sudden feeling pf being stranded and helpless (anticipatory anxiety) … to suddenly be separated from what has been giving you life/oxygen/food… all that has kept you going.
 
I think I dread being taken out of my sanctuary.  I love my house and the decision to sell and move was not easy...so yes being disconnected from what has sustained me up to now causes me anxiety...
 
If it’s a comfort, I was also very anxious as the day came closer…
 
I tried to help it
 
You wanted to make the situation all better… you really wished you could fix it.
 
 Yip...
 
all of a sudden, my younger brother who was murdered some years ago appeared next to me to help...he looked so beautiful and calm...he told me not to stress he will make a plan...
 
When people tell me that their deceased relative or friend appears in a dream, I take that in two ways… Either you are remembering comfort from your brother… someone you looked up to for comfort… he was a beautiful calming presence for you, and his memory still comforts you even now and even subconsciously in your sleep, or consciously during waking hours as a result of how you felt then when the person was alive… or, it is also possible your brother’s spirt really did come into your dream to literally comfort you now, because he’s aware of your fears.
 
Yes...he was always willing and prepared to help.
 
he looked so beautiful and calm...he told me not to stress he will make a plan...
 
His memory, is reassuring and comforting to you… or, his spirit literally appeared in your dream to comfort and reassure you.  If this is the case, I believe that he already sees the bigger picture… he prays on your behalf and he will make sure you will be protected and not have to go without.
 
He had such a hard life, I think subconsciously I hope that he is at peace now.

(he looked so beautiful and calm) This line is a reassurance that he is indeed at peace now.

we both then proceeded to take the fish to an aquarium where it was examined to make sure that it was ok...
 
His presence is showing you that you have the power to do whatever it takes to make sure YOU are going to be okay.  And that you are not alone… his memory, or his presence is with you still through it all.
 
Yes...I always trust myself to make a plan.
 
the lady who assisted us told my brother that she found him very handsome and I looked at her in surprise and then I woke up....
 
I think that this is your own subconscious response to his presence… you are acknowledging how beautiful he is to you… that you felt his presence/memory as something beautiful.  The surprise could be because he was there in the first place, or you were admitting for the first time maybe, how special he was to you and still is.
 
Maybe because he was kind of always pushed aside in the family...he was the black sheep...I found it surprising that someone else also saw his beauty...not in the physical sense necessarily but he was a beautiful soul...so misunderstood.
 
There we go dearest Christa.  Only you will know the true answer, but let me know if you feel this sounds like it could be the answer to your dream and if not, let me know if you have any other ideas now that I have shown you how this works.
 
If my interpretation does resonate with you, then please let me know if I can use it on my blog.  I would do it with or without your name, depending on what you give me permission to do.  I love to share with my readers, because it’s a way of helping others to learn how to help themselves to interpret their own dreams.
 
Thank you Pan! You are most welcome to use my dream! Love you lots!!

​Thanks for sharing this dream interpretation with Christa and I. 
 
~ Panayiota

April 20
I woke with a very sore left foot still, but the left thumb pain has improved and I’m not aching all over anymore, so the gout threat is leaving, thankfully.  Although I had a good night’s sleep, I remember lying awake for a while sometime during the night with completely blocked sinuses!  Until they were cleared, I could not sleep… must have been the vacuuming the day before that caused that to happen… expected!
 
FINISHING MY BOOK
I have made a decision to put my book writing first, which means that I won’t be able to blog my lockdown diary days anymore, because the time I’m spending doing this, I could be using for my book, so for now, I will be working on my book.  I might pop in here from time to time still.  I’m not sure. 
 
Please take care and stay strong.  Live each moment with love and goodness towards others.  I am sure that this is what this whole situation is calling for and we must respond to it… and keep responding with loving care, even long after the virus has faded and we are no longer on lockdown.
 
Thank you for sharing these 25 days of lockdown with me.  It has meant a lot to be able to share so often and to feel that someone out there really sees and cares that I exist.  Bless you!
 
Just sharing some inspirations, I loved today.
10am on Facebook - Tea with Gideonslight – Book reading from the book – “One day my soul just opened up” ~ Iyanda Vanzant (dear friend of Oprah Winfrey) … of course, now I would love to have a copy of this book!
https://www.facebook.com/watchparty/1054954124900832/
 
Song Crosses Boundaries of Religion and Memory for Stroke Victim
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_chOk04TFaM
 
TV 2 Denmark – All That We Share – Connected
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQ15cqP-K80
 
TV2 Denmark - All That We Share
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jD8tjhVO1Tc
 
Until next time, please take care… not only for your sake, but for the sake of others also.
 
~ Panayiota

​I used to paint eggs (chicken and ostrich)… never as intricate as this, but they were still beautiful, I thought.  I would love to do some again… but will have to wait until lockdown is over to get hold of some paints.  I’m not sure what I have would be bright enough. Maybe I will try if I can ever find time in-between cooking, cleaning house and everything else!
 
April 19
In my mind, yesterday was Greek Easter, because I was so close to my Greek family on the day… today was a very quiet day.  I woke with some gout pain in my left thumb still and also in my left foot… I had to be very careful of how I walked on the foot and made sure to drink a lot of fluids… also took some LifeTone’s Acid Clear which helped.  I was actually aching all over, but the thumb and foot were bordering on a real “acute gout-threat” areas, but thankfully it never came to that. 
 
My church leader called sometime during the day to check up that all was well and to see if we needed anything… I appreciated that very much.  But what a busy day of answering WhatsApp messages and calls, etc.  It was never ending… I’m not complaining at all… the company was great and good for me too… but, I’m just glad it doesn’t happen every day, because then I’d definitely get nothing done then. 
 
I vacuumed our rooms… something I usually find help to do, due to vacuuming kicking up dust and my son and I each having allergies that affect our sinuses and lungs.  But it had to be done!
 
My little sister video called so that I could chat with my dad… he wanted to wish me Happy Easter, so that was really lovely.  I managed to catch a snapshot of him laughing while he was talking to me… it is beautiful.  Of course, he can’t hear a word I’m saying, but at least we’ve found our own way to communicate and I love it!

​Thank you.
 
~ Panayiota.

Huge problems with my blog host since yesterday! (halting, not posting a full post, etc.) I hope this post comes out properly this time around!  Praying... 

April 18
Today was so wonderful! My youngest sister and I did our annual baking day for Greek Easter, Together-Apart... via WhatsApp. She sent all the ingredients for what we would need for our Easter baking-treat feast.  My brother-in-law, Mario, had grated a ton of cheese and added cubes of cooked meat for us to include in our baking.  (He also gave me the most beautiful rolling-pin recently that he’d made with his own hands… such a treasure.  My dad used to be a carpenter, so for me something homemade like this and given to me as a gift is so beautiful… perfect shape and size also!  I love it!)
 
With the ingredients that my sister sent over, came a beautiful bunch of flowers… a lovely red rose, olive twigs and leaves and lavender flowers, tied with a pretty red ribbon, as well as four red-boiled eggs for Greek Easter day tomorrow.  I felt that the flowers and red-eggs were the extra special touch that gave so much meaning to their gift of love on the day.
 
The WhatsApp that my sister sent the day before.
“We are still going to make flaounes together… but from a distance.  When everything is ready tomorrow, I will call and then you must come get the dough and the filling mixtures… so when I’m busy rolling and making here, you will be rolling and making there… how does that sound???”
 
Well, for me, it really sounded so wonderful that it brought tears to my eyes, because my heart swelled so big with the sense of love that filled it that I thought it would POP!  I was so happy that my sister had found a way for us to bake together after all.
 
My brother in law and the children helped her on her side, and my youngest son was really helpful on my side also, so it was a very productive and good day, even though it ended up a very busy day also with all the cleaning up afterwards included… it was all well worth it!  My sister said that our 89-year-old dad enjoyed watching them all busy in the kitchen. 
 
Some of our photos shared via WhatsApp today while my sister and I were baking. 

A wonderful reminder
An important (for me) memory popped up on Facebook of this exact same day a year ago… what an incredible reminder it was to me of how much I value my family and how our love will never allow anything to come between us!  

​A year ago, things had become a little rocky in our relationship and on my inner-child level, I was struggling greatly because of it.  And when things seemed to be unfixable, I spotted the beautiful green balloon on the roof of my house, and took it immediately as a “healing” symbol, and that everything would be healed in my family… and it was.  So, today, when the Facebook memory of that beautiful green balloon popped up, I realized that I still had it hanging near my computer… a reminder to me, that no matter what, where love is… healing will be also.  It keeps me feeling connected to my family here on earth and my family in Heaven too. 
 
Family are a source of my healing… I value my family relationships greatly and I NEED them to stay close… not only with me, but with each other also.  It is so VERY IMPORTANT to me. 
 
By the end of the day, I’d eaten TOO MUCH! I couldn’t resist those wonderful Greek flavours.  Too much of something, heaven knows what it could’ve been, or… as a result of too much deep emotional experience during the day of baking with my sister, caused my gout to flare up… not too serious, but my left thumb is sore enough to have to wear the thumb guard to sleep.  I will have to be more careful, not to let that happen again.  I say, too much emotional experience, because I did find that the experience of Easter baking with my sister at a distance, had triggered something… I felt tears close to the surface most of the day… I want to say tears of joy… but I don’t really know.  My emotions can get into such a muddle at times… like sometimes, when I’m supposed to be really, really happy, something triggers and I get really, really sad instead… it’s completely out of my control, but I have learned to accept it as part of my emotional make up and just to remind myself of what the true emotion is supposed to be and try to lay claim to it during the mix up in my head!
 
I felt to tune into something logo-inspirational early this morning before the baking began, and found this link to a wonderful show done by Logotherapist, Gavin Harris (A Winning Way).  So much wisdom… I loved this.
https://www.chaifm.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/2020.01.07-Gavin-Harris-A-winning-way.mp3
 
To tune into Finding Human radio show every week, go to: 
Finding Human, (Tuesdays at 10-11am on the radio station CHAIFM-101.9) a Logotherapy inspired broadcast, Hosted by a wonderful logotherapist, Sue Jackson
 
For Podcasts from past shows, go to: http://www.chaifm.com/finding-human/
Scroll down the page to select from the podcast list.
 
Thanks for being with me on my journey… I truly appreciate your presence here, be it a silent presence or otherwise. 
 
~ Panayiota

​April 17
The day started really well... I could feel the change the minute I woke up... it was in the air... the kitchen floor got mopped... in fact, all the floors got mopped... not swept first… but hey, whose going to argue about that... even if a job is half done, it's always a joy to at least see it getting done... I'm just grateful that my son decided to do the right thing and take the initiative soon after waking.
 
And it was immediately as if the last few miserable days never happened... the television went back on and we're best buddies again  … He's just gone shopping... I think he needed the break.
 
I got on my knees and prayed he would be safe from the virus and all else. He has his face mask on at least. I let him know to be prepared for the BIG STERILIZING SPRAY THING when he arrives back, so that he could prepare also to have the right attitude about it when it happened!
 
Today's going to be a GOOD-GOOD-DAY! 
 
Later
My son has been amazing today... he's come home from the shops... did all the right things so that I could seterilise him and the groceries on the way in the front door, and he went straight to shower after dumping his clothes into the washing machine... then he decided to organise a braai (barbecue) for our lunch. The TV was stitched off by him before he went to the shops... It's been wonderful... I just knew when I woke up, that today would be a GOOD DAY... YAY! We helped each other pack the groceries and all's good in our world again.  In the evening we watched ‘Flash’ together.  We’re both loving it.  Our kind of chilling movie in the evenings when our brains are too tired to concentrate on anything else.  We watched the ‘Supergirl’ series before, until there were no more of them to watch, then moved onto Flash!  Good escape shows! We’d both love to have things like Australian Master Chef, The Voice, America’s Got Talent, etc. to watch, but as we can’t afford that kind of TV service, we are just so grateful for the Netflix we do have thanks to my grandson’s and family’s beautiful gift of his Smart Television and Netflix… what a wonderful blessing
 
I am grateful for this lovely and peaceful day that started and ended so well.

Thank you for sharing.

~ Panayiota

​April 16
Still on Emotional Strike… on one level, it helped me, and on another, it’s made my day very long and dreary.
 
Because I’ve remained detached from my son, as if he didn’t even exist, his sitting-game-playing presence has not bothered me at all today.  I have shut off any expectations from him, and so he can’t hurt me while I’m here in this distant place. 
 
The television has been off since yesterday at 5pm and he seems quite happy with it.  He’s so lost in his games, nothing else matters to him at all. 
 
It’s me whose suffering, because I was not able to go and enjoy a bit of TV escape during my breakfast and lunch breaks… and I won’t be able to watch tonight. 
 
I imagine that those of you who sympathize with my son are delighted to hear that… it’s okay… not everyone will understand or see our full picture.
 
When he was younger and I managed to get him into a college for the mentally disabled.  A college where they worked with the students to find out what each one’s true and unique potential was and helped them to prepare for living in the real world.  They worked with me also and taught me how to help him best, and one of the instructions, was to get him off of his games every 2 hours to do something else… just something small.  They even instructed me to switch off the electricity each time to help him to disconnect from his games.  It worked extremely well, until he got older and I just couldn’t bring myself to do that anymore. 
 
Now when we start the day, I will tell him what needs to be done for the day… dividing what I will do and giving him one or two other reasonably quick jobs, just so that he can have some responsibility, but also so that I can feel at least a little supported.  I give him jobs like packing away the clean dishes and hanging washing that I’ve done… or to sweep and wash the kitchen floor which was what I asked him three days ago… but still waiting… and now…
 
I’m standing my ground! 
 
He’s 33 years old… FLIP! ENOUGH ALREADY!  We get on so much better when he’s working.  Routine works best for us!  I pray he will find a job soon, once this lockdown is over with.  It’s going to be bad enough that we will be short his salary over this time because the business he was working for closed down in time for the lockdown, so he’s out of work now and not just on lockdown!
 
Being so detached from my hurting emotional state today, I actually got more done this morning than usual.  Showered early and combed my hair… a really good start to the day… watered my seedlings… did a load of washing and hung that, then washed the dishes. 
 
My son sat with his usual pile of dirty dishes on the table in front of him… He can get up over and over during the day, and never think to take his used dishes with him to the kitchen… I usually just pick them up eventually for the sake of peace… I DIDN’T PICK THEM UP TODAY! 
 
After I’d washed the dishes that were in the kitchen, I let him know that he could wash the dishes on the table in front of him… and surprisingly, he did… and at the same time, made himself some lunch and even offered me some tea, but I’d already made mine, so, “No thank you” and he was gone again. 
 
It’s been such a long-long day of separation… I find myself sighing a lot… I remember being told in therapy, that sighing was a sign of depression… but there’s no tears… just emptiness…
 
I’ve kept my mind busy by researching my current state to expand for this blog post, because I aim to teach with my sharing… so I was going over dissociation… collecting some info.  It’s helped to keep me grounded.  If I didn’t keep busy, I would have gone to my bed and stayed there… I KNEW I COULD NOT ALLOW THAT!!!  My healing work, is to fight my own weaknesses… work to understand what I’m going through and how I’m reacting to it… face it… face me… and do something about it… so keeping busy for today was the best I could do…
 
My middle son and daughter in law very kindly bought me 10 slabs of sugar-free chocolate on the 26th March, to tide me over during the lockdown (I’m still feeling their LOVE)… I have been enjoying one slab over three days up until today when I flattened slab 8 all in one day!  I’m disgusted with myself… trying to fill the emptiness in my soul by self-gratifying-STUFFING… that’s NOT good!  That’s the OLD SELF-DESTRUCTIVE EATING HABIT that I cannot allow to creep back in!  I now only have two slabs left… I will have to be more careful!  Life is going to feel very miserable once my yummy chocolate stash is finished! 
 
My nearby sister video called today so that I could chat with my dad.  Of course, he can’t hear a word, but we just laughed and smiled at each other and blew kisses.  It was so special.  My sister and I were chatting all the time also which was wonderful…… LOVE & OXYGEN.

While we were chatting, I managed to catch two screenshots of my dad… I’ve posted my favourite here.  I love the naughty twinkle in his eyes… makes me so happy to see him happy! 
 
FACEBOOK
Last night, I added an update on Facebook… but due to having had such a negative day, I decided not to write about it there, because although I do share openly up to a point with my Facebook friends, there comes a point where I realise it’s becoming too  negative and, with a sense of responsibility towards them, because most have followed me for many years, I often choose to stop sharing my downers, until I am strong enough to come back with some uppers… something positive and inspiring.  I try to get back to that place as quickly as I can, because I feel that I have a duty towards my Facebook friends to do so.  It they are taking so much time each day to be with me in my world, through the computer…  many of them who I have never even met yet, then… it’s up to me to be a blessing to them, instead of bringing too much of my problems to them.
 
I don’t cherish them there to “FEED” my weaknesses… I cherish them there to “INSPIRE” my strengths, and I hope to do the same for them… because, I am so very GRATEFUL for them all and for their LOVE that sees me through man a difficult day that they most often don’t even know the difficulty-extent of ❤️
 
So, last night, knowing that I had nothing positive to give, I wrote on my Facebook page:
 
LOCKDOWN ~ Day 21
A long day...
Goodnight beautiful world ❤️
 
My friend’s responses on Lockdown day 21, and some responses from Lockdown day 22, when I had seen and responded to what they had written before posting this.
 
Veronica
I was settling in for a long story 😂❤️
Panayiota
Doing this from my phone, so I hope it works. You're too sweet... when my posts are leaning on the side of negativity, I prefer to wait for a better time to share... on the other side of the negative... that way I can rather inspire with how I got through it all ... Says me smiling sweetly 🤗
 
June
Missing you today Pani....HUGS...
Panayiota
I'll be back... I love you dearest Junebug 💖🤗
June
❤️❤️❤️❤️
June 
Yay you are back....love you dear Pani...❤️
Panayiota
I love you too dear Junebug... I told you I'd be back ❤️
 
Carol
Thinking of you my precious friend... Have a peaceful sleep... Love you lots ❤️🤗
Panayiota 
I slept well sweet friend ❤️ Love you ❤️
Carlo
Happy to hear that my friend... Thank you ❤️❤️
 
Heather
Oh, my goodness. This world has gone to pot.
Panayiota
All good my side Heather... I have my moments and don't like it at the bottom, so always work my way back up again. This morning has started beautifully... very quiet... even the birds are quiet... but, there's light shining through my curtains and a beautiful day lies ahead... I've made up my mind... Lots of love coming your way ❤️❤️❤️
Heather
The coronavirus does not scare me Pan. Nasty people do. I cannot stand tit for tat people.
Panayiota
Indeed, yes, we don't need any more negativity or ugliness added to what already is dear Heather... it's up to each of us to do our best, and let karma take care of the rest ❤️
 
Henri
Keep safe and have a peaceful weekend from twin brother Henri xx
Panayiota
You too my twin brother Henri... Love you ❤️ Shabbat Shalom ❤️
(Henri is my beloved friend from way back when.  He has known me longer than any other friend, except for my little sister who is 11 months younger than me.  Henry remembers going to junior school with me… he remembered me… and it turns out that our birthdays are on the same day and we’re the same age… hence why we call each other twin brother and twin sister.  He found me when I was searching for friends from my past during my therapy journey, and the fact that he remembered me, meant more to me than words can every say, because I remembered very little of my past as a result of the child abuse I went through.  I love Henri, as if he were my true brother ❤️ I vow to meet him as soon as possible after this lockdown has ended!  Neither of us are allowed to die before we have met again… before I have hugged him and thanked him for remembering me. If you knew what it means for someone like myself to suffer from “the invisibility spell”… you’d understand what a gift it is and how much it could possibly mean, to know that I was remembered by my dear friend, Henri.)
 
To end this post
I never did get that big job done in my room today… I was so STUCK in front of my computer escaping.  I’m so glad it’s nearly bed time… it’s the only other thing I can do today… maybe I will read.  I don’t usually read at night, but it’s still early.  My son is STILL sitting in the lounge playing his games on his cell phone… or watching videos on it that he enjoys… the TV is still off… I will miss watching my evening shows with him… HUMPH! 

Some links I picked up on yesterday which you might find inspiring and/or helpful at this time.
https://oneworldindialogue.com/online-aliveness/
 
(Logotherapist – Trevor)
https://tswconsulting.co.za/trusttheprocess/?fbclid=IwAR02-NvMsuTEm_sUiwypqVlDqk_OxHR3udinVAWMhNRVDnDyTtv9V1rRjjY
I will definitely be going through all of the lessons Trevor has so generously shared.  I feel blessed for having found this.
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32Ba4CVLNYI
(such an inspiration this dear old man’s wonderful efforts on behalf of NHS brought tears to my eyes)
 
(Student of Logotherapy – Gideon) 
https://www.facebook.com/Gideonslight/videos/223137712107879/
I enjoyed this video very much!  Thanks to Gideon for his time and beautiful wisdom.
 
Have a great day everyone and thanks for sharing.
 
~ Panayiota
 
P.s.  Only good things to report for Lockdown day 22……. Story still to come 😉

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/psychology-self/2019/02/trauma-dissociation/

Warming:  If you're struggling to stay on top of your own situation, please don't read this... keep it for a stronger day.  I always get back up again... but right now I'm struggling and sharing, because sharing my struggles and how I eventually rise above them is what my blog is about.  Thank you.

April15
Mostly a beautiful clear sky and sunny, cool day. Used up old bananas and baked a Banana-oat-nut cake for my son with some lemon curd covering the top. I made the lemon curd yesterday.  Once the cake had cooled, I divided it into small portions to go into the deep freeze for my son to help himself to when he just needs a quick snack.
 
It took all day, but I finally caught up on my blogging... OH JOY! And spent the rest of the day just relaxing on Facebook… ESCAPING whilst at the same time grasping for a sense of connection with my friends there…
 
Been asking my son for about three days now to help, by sweeping our small kitchen floor and then mop it. Seriously not a big job at all. I’m still waiting... but... he did pick up the broom sometime earlier today with good intentions, and saw that the head was wobbling and loose... disappeared to Jabba the Hutt (our shed he named when we first arrived here in 2012) ... and he fixed the broom. Anyone who knows my youngest son, knows that, that is one of those really special moments in time, for him to think and do something like that without someone asking and prompting him to do it. I was so impressed and grateful to have our broom fixed... (but that must have been too much like hard work for him, because that’s as far as he got before falling back into the lounge chair to play his cellphone games again) … So, I’m still waiting for him to do the sweeping and mopping job I asked him to do for three days now! Hopefully it will get done before this day is out, or TV will be switched off at 5pm... HUMPH!
 
I refuse to do everything while he sits playing his games in-front of the TV... I'm nobody's doormat, not even my son's!  Somewhere inside of me there is hurting-anger… but for me, anger always turns to feelings of dejection… of being rejected and ignored… it take me deeply back into that far-distant and dark place where the childhood “invisibility spell” was first cast over my life… it’s a very lonely and isolated place to find myself in… a wilderness place that lies beyond connection and oxygen…

The only problem is, that I trap the anger… I am very rarely able to express it.  Instead, I become silent and withdrawn… my mind goes into an emotional strike phase… I detach and disappear into myself… down that old-familiar swirling rabbit hole, yet again… to my safe place.  A place where “they” can’t hurt me anymore! 
 
I finished my day’s journaling with…
I need to go clean the kitchen now and then tomorrow, I hope to be able to do a BIG general clean up, especially in my office/bedroom so that I can prepare myself for once and for all, getting my book finished! Let's hope I can get it FINISHED, GOOD AND PROPER this time around! Been working on it... on and off... for about 12 years now! ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
 
Recorded later, before bed time…
P.s. The TV got switched off at 5pm... and now it will stay off until the tiny kitchen floor is mopped. He did manage to sweep it though.
 
There's no nagging... he knows that up to the point of no return, I will keep asking patiently... then finally issue a calm ultimatum... then follow through quietly and stick to it... it is what it is. I do become very quiet when it reaches this point though... completely withdraw and just get on with my own life... somehow feeling completely separated from him… a safe place that prevents me from EXPLODING!  My mother used to EXPLODE VIOLENTLY!  I fear the awful and unpredictable rage she demonstrated so often… I fear becoming like her… so I choose rather to shut down completely…
 
ON EMOTIONAL STRIKE! (NUMB) But doing okay otherwise…
 
Thank you for sharing.
 
~ Panayiota

I love what a friend said to me in Israel when I visited...
"One act of kindness changes the whole world for good."
I really do believe it very much. And so, it doesn't matter if we know or not, the exact difference we make by each act of kindness... we just need to know that the world that we all share, is a better place for it ♥ Kindness therefor is our moral duty and a blessing ♥

April 14
Blogging-blogging-blogging all day long, but at least I caught up on a lot.
 
It rained which I'm too grateful for... I won't have to water the garden. It started with hail and I prayed for protection of my vegetables and herbs, and as I did, the hail stopped. I am very grateful for that. No damage done.
 
Two days of very little sleep... only 5 hours last night, so today was a very detached day... couldn't quite connect... I was so tired.  A dear friend was able to deliver some sleep-medication to help me with that problem. It was so good to see his face poking over the wall and to hear a friendly voice so close to home again.  I am so grateful ♥ Another sleepless night would have been too much!  On those restless nights, I often wake up with really bruised and sore gums as a result of clenching my teeth on the gums in my sleep!  ANAH!!! 
 
My daughter called and we were able to catch up on life... Oh how I miss her and love her so much ♥ My son, Jonathan also called later which was great! Man, I miss my family ♥
 
A young friend from the past of mine... my daughter from another mother, has been in contact with me again just lately and it's making me so happy to have her back in my life. She knows that I will always be around when she needs me to be. I love her so much too ♥
 
Now off to go clean the kitchen... EEEK! 😬🙄 and yes... I have a bad attitude towards housework... some things will NEVER change! I'd rather be painting a picture or finishing off mending the dress that's still sitting under the sewing machine needle since lockdown started. I never did get back to it!
 
A Facebook friend, Andrea commented
It is good to keep up with your activities to remind me to do constructive activities each day and to use the time well. You are a barometer for me to appreciate blessings, especially to still be alive for now and to be kind in my thoughts as I go back through the chapters we have lived and to know my last two months are because of doing what is the hardest thing for me. Staying home base and use the time in a fruitful manner. So, sending you blessings to you and your family to continue to be safe…We are blessed to have friends who connect with us each day and this gives me a positive note. For you and our friend Jason it has been ten years together on Facebook. Imagine the support our friendship has given each other just by sharing ordinary events of each day and our relationships with our families and friends ♥
 
Something beautiful ~ my son and I have been hearing owls calling to each other in our neighbourhood at night.  We even saw the dark silhouette of one sitting on a roof across the road the night before last, and it was a BIG one… too wonderful!  Made us both very happy ♥

​An owl I drew in the Zentangle style a few years ago… I personally love this one! 
 
The day before yesterday I noticed that the seeds we planted in the pots and garden recently have started to sprout!  Loving it! 
 
Thanks for sharing.
 
~ Panayiota 

13 April
I was in a little bit of depression slump since missing my daughter’s birthday last week and that added to yesterday, with it being Easter and all, and not being able to be with my family, especially my little Greek sister, Mira, and, as a result, I didn't get much housework done, so I ended up with tons to do today. Thankfully, my son helped me with quite a bit and things are feeling a lot better as a result. I spent the entire day, in-between a few work commitments, catching up on blog posts... or at least trying... I'm still not quite there. I should never have left it so long before blogging... EEEK!  The good news though is that I had hardly any problems with posting on Weebly today.  Thank Heavens.
 
Family Day here in South Africa today (a public holiday) ... I'm missing my family very much ♥
 
By bedtime, my brain was fried from all the blogging!  Blogging is exhausting… but at the same time, it is for me, cathartic. No matter what, I will be forever grateful to Nadine and her husband for setting me up for blogging.  Without their help, none of this would have been possible for me.
 
My Facebook friend Vee, wrote
Ditto, my friend. I think we all felt down yesterday - I've had the blues since Friday, what with worrying about my kids overseas - but feeling a bit better today. I even finished a toddler tracksuit top made with leftover tracksuiting and ribbing, which I will donate to our local shelter, once the pants are done - together with all the other stuff I've cleared out - once lockdown's over. It's Monday and the start of a new week. Let's do this! ♥
 
I responded
Thank you for the boost Vee! I often write something like this on Facebook... then when I get to my blog, I expand... like adding extras... today, I had a cool WhatsApp conversation with a friend which I hope to share on my blog... both of us started the day really FLAT... but we boosted and challenged each other and got so much done after that... What would we do without friends ♥ Love you ♥
 
WhatsApp conversation with my dear friend, Mary-Anne (Used with permission)
I sent a Good morning greeting to Mary-Anne, and she responded…
 
Mary-Anne
… I’m sitting on my bed and just don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything.  There are dishes to be washed, washing to do, house to clean and I can’t get going.  Love you so very much ♥
 
Panayiota (I immediately kicked into nurturing mode… but gradually realised that I was struggling with the same problem)
Oh no my friend… I must admit, my dishes have piled up also, and I’m lagging, but we have to keep going somehow.  I don’t think I even combed my hair yesterday! Sometimes we must just get up and DO it… once we start it gets easier… it’s just getting started that’s the problem.  I found that putting on dancing music quite loud helps… it blocks out our more negative throughs and motivates……. Now, I have to take my own advice… EEK!  I will go shower and wash my dishes immediately!  Unless you need me now.  I will let you know when it’s done my beloved friend, and I challenge you to do the same… Up we get… we CAN do it and we will feel better after.  Any bets I have 10 times more dishes to wash than you… Gulp! I love you very much too ♥
 
P.s. if you saw what I looked like right now and how many dishes I have to wash, I’d probably never be able to face you again! 
 
I wanted to share the Before and After of myself here, but felt too embarrassed. (unless you can understand the lack of motivation-slump that can lead one to look like I did, you might lose all respect for me).  Suffice it to say I looked terrible at the time that Mary-Anne brought my own shocking lack-of-motivation-appearance to my attention! 

I knew I had to do something about it immediately and I did!  I shared the Before photo with Mary-Anne though and she had a good laugh and responded…
 
Mary-Anne
… thanks for the pep talk.  I’ve made my bed so that’s a start.  Going to get washed and dressed now.  Will then venture to the rest of the house ♥
 
The fact that she’d already done that, really challenged me… I realised that I hadn’t made my own bed yet… so, I HAD TO MOVE!
 
Mary-Anne
You make me laugh.  Clean underwear folded and packed away, washed and dressed.  Now to face the rest of the house… bedroom door opened and away we go…
 
Panayiota
You’re doing a whole lot better than me.  I just made it to the bathroom to shower… but my bed is made! 
 
A while later I added
I’m good and clean and fresh tra-la-la.  Now to comb my hair… then find more motivation to move to the rest of the house!  I’ve managed to motivate my son to fold the pile of washing and I must do the dishes asap!  Seedlings need to be watered also.

Mary-Anne
Dishes washed and two loads of washing done.  Started raining so last load of washing tomorrow.  Had coffee and taken lasagna out of the freezer for dinner tonight.  Sweeping and mopping floors tomorrow.  Now… relaxing for the rest of the day.
 
Mary-Anne definitely did a whole lot better than I did, and I’m so glad she found her motivation for the day.  I’m also so very glad that my son and I found enough motivation to do what we were able to do.  We need to keep it up somehow!  We need to be there for each other, just as Mary-Anne and I were there for each other this morning.   
 
Today two BFF’s on lockdown motivated each other through WhatsApp… and that makes today a GOOD-GOOD DAY!  Thank you so much Mary-Anne ♥
 
~ Panayiota

A beautiful sunset photo my son took from our front doorstep recently ~ so, even on lockdown, if we take the time to look for the beauty around us, we will surely find it and be enriched by it.
 
“Experiential values are blessings we receive from life.  Experiential values are manifested in what is good, beautiful and true. We open up to what is good, beautiful and genuine.  These things (values) call forth our appreciation; they involve us in a committed way.  The greatest experiential value, however, is love.  Love brings us in vital touch with ourselves and with others whom we experience in all their uniqueness and specialness.  Love can fill us with limitless devotion and arouse feelings of deep caring and responsibility.” (Shantall, 2003, p. 40) ~The Quest for Destiny
 
11 April
LOCKDOWN ~ DAY 16
 
We had a robbery in our town house complex the night before last (Someone choose to take advantage of lockdown) Two hours of video on the crook wondering around the complex between 2am and 4am and in the end, he broke a neighbours window and stole a laptop and also broke into a car and stole a pair of prescription sunglasses. The video took a good shot of his face, but I can't imagine the police helping to find him... I've lost faith in the police... last time I tried to phone the emergency number, all I got was... EEEEH... and when I asked if it was the police, they responded with a very bored sounding... YEEES... like I'd woken them up... and I could get nothing intelligent out of the woman for the emergency I was hoping to get help for... it was a hopeless waste of time!

12 April
LOCKDOWN DAY 17 – Easter
I tried so hard to catch up on blog posts today, but so many interruptions due to Easter weekend messages. I felt a little teary am, being so far away from family and remembering earlier years when my sister and I did tons of baking together for Greek Easter which is next weekend, and now we can't due to this lockdown. My family sent me pictures of my grandchildren though and my son in Cape Town called and I got to speak to them... They are all so happy and I'm very grateful for that. I've never heard them sounding so happy and carefree as they are now living with their dad, in a house he bought specially to fit them all in so that they could all be comfortable with lots of house and garden space to move.
 
A dear long-lost friend I hadn't heard from in years called me just now also. She's also going through a divorce from an abuser and said all she could think of during this difficult time in her life, was me... how sweet is that... it was so good to talk to her again after a good few years of absence.  I’m glad she still had my phone number.
 
One of my longstanding Logotherapy student-friends has been keeping regular contact with me during Lockdown which is so kind of him.  We had an interesting WhatsApp conversation today, which he agreed I could share parts of.
 
Gavin
… the only way we can get through this, the only way we can get to the other side, and survive, and keep going, hopefully with meaning, is through connection.  Maybe this will bring us to that Centre Dr Kanda wants to open.
 
(Dr Kanda and others of us have often dreamed about a Logotherapy Centre we’d love to have for Logotherapy to operate from… and to do workshops and all sorts to motivate Logotherapy in South Africa, but also for student training purposes… funding is the only thing that is keeping us from doing this)
 
Panayiota
So true dear Gavin… I feel myself disconnecting more and more over time… even from before this lockdown.  I can’t allow it.  Friends like you and my Facebook friends and family group, and a few others, make all the difference… thank you… you are a true blessing and friend forever.
 
Gavin
Don’t let go.
 
Panayiota
I won’t… I just find that I can’t mess friendships and things up if I stay apart more… it’s safer and more peaceful to be alone when you’re me… sucks to be me… LOL! 
 
Gavin
You are the heart of the Logotherapy Centre.  You being a heart, might decide that life sucks because all you do is pump, pump, pump… everyone doesn’t see that and in pumping so much, it is easy not to notice you.  You might think, “I think I’ll take a break from all of this pumping, nobody needs me anyway, I’m invisible…” That might seem to be logical… take a break and stop pumping… But, if you don’t recognise your value here, the whole Centre will die, so will you… so, it is a big and lonely job to be the Heart of The Centre… Big and lonely heart, don’t stop… pumping…
 
I felt so much gratitude and love when I read Gavin’s beautifully caring, uplifting and strengthening message that it actually brought tears to my eyes as I thanked him.
 
Panayiota
The people who prove to stick with me regardless of anything I do, are my greatest strength for LIFE and real treasures… they are very far and few between, but some have never given up on me no matter what.  I tend to push people away and sabotage relationships that get too close… and I don’t shut up if I perceive WRONG… but, some friends have stuck like glue… and as a result, I feel the reassurance I need from them… that they are here to stay… everything/everyone else I ever loved eventually went away, gave up on me, or died… Hey, but this is negative talk… I’m trying to catch up on blog posts today… I’m way behind.  Thank you for still being there/here… it means a whole lot.
 
(I didn’t share the following with Gavin, but felt to include them here, just to add more of my reality to this blog post)

~ Panayiota