Theory of Logotherapy Dream Interpretation (a handout I share with the students after presenting LDI to them)
LOGOTHERAPY DREAM INTERPRETATION ~ Presented by Panayiota
Created using personal experience and an article called: Theory on Interpretation of Dreams
~ Logotherapy Immediate Workshop Manual – 2009
 
“Dreams - can reflect hopes and wishes form the unconscious, not only repressed aggression and lust, but calls from the conscious towards meaningful behaviour.  Advice from the unconscious to the conscious.”  
 
“Frankl has an expanded concept of the unconscious.  He asserts that it contains, also, repressed hopes, goals, and meanings to which dreams are royal roads.”
 
A Frankl quote from his concentration camp experience:  
“What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life.  We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us” (Frankl 2008:85) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
“Viktor Frankl.... sees the unconscious not only in a psychological but also in a spiritual dimension as a royal road into a much wider land.  It can lead to meaning.”
 
“Dreams may make you aware of repressed drives and traumas that are too painful to face.  But dreams may also convey advice from the conscience. A dream interpretation from this perspective can help you to discover what is meaningful.” 
 
“Because the messages in dreams are often hard to understand, because of their symbolic nature, it is often easier to elicit ideas from your client using metaphors, fantasies and imagery.”
 
So, if you find that you aren’t able to help your client to interpret a dream... and maybe they don’t even have a dream to work on, then using metaphorical stories or images could be another way to elicit ideas from your client for you to both work on together. 

The Logotherapist’s task, is to help the client come to their own answers for their dream.
 
Your client could either do a collage, draw, model or write a story to illustrate where they are coming from, or the Logotherapist could show them a video that might elicit ideas.
 
Helping a client to Interpret their dreams
 

• Explain to the client about how Logotherapy dream Interpretation works whilst prompting them to find their own meaning message which has been given to them through their dream...
• Note:  LDI is NOT a fortune telling tool... it is more a revealing of personal revelation. (the answers are inside the dreamer already, they just need to work out what those answers are, and dreams are a beautiful way of doing that).
• Only the client can know the answers and meaning messages of their own dreams.
• Important factors need to be taken into consideration by the Logotherapist and brought to the client’s attention.
• What is going on in the client’s life at the time of their dream.
• The client’s history... some of which might only be revealed because of their dream.
• Everything they saw, felt, experienced in their dream.
• Their thoughts and feelings after their dream.
• The therapist needs to listen very carefully to every aspect of the clients dream experience, prompting them to share every detail, including: smells, colours, people in their dream, emotions, actions and reactions of themselves or others in the dream, but most importantly, the client’s part in their dream, and if they can remember any animals, things, atmosphere, objects, where the dream is, Immediate and distant surroundings/views in the dream, etc.
• Ask the client to try to tell you what they think their dream is trying to tell them that might be a positive, helpful, meaningful, healing message to them from their dream. 
• Help your client to see the blessing of their dream.

 
LDI can be done only on the vivid dreams that remain pretty much intact when you wake up from them. 
 
Dreams that we don’t remember when we wake, I believe, have already been absorbed into the three dimensions of consciousness (conscious, unconscious and spiritual) where the dream has been processed for our benefit.
 
“Dreams that we don’t remember may also have been buried, because we are not ready for them yet.” ~ Dr. Kanda Kalala
 
Perhaps the spiritual level of consciousness feels we are ready, but our subconscious denies the message due to fear, etc.
 
Dreams help us to become more meaning aware and orientated.  The dreams meaning messages become clearer subconsciously, gradually becoming conscious over time.
 
Once the “meaning message” of a dream has been established through “Logotherapy Dream Interpretation”, the dreamer will never need to dream that dream again as has been my experience, and that of my clients.
 
TWO RECENT NIGHTMARES
 
History leading up to my first nightmare
Around the 8th of this month, I wrote on another blog post, about how I was struggling with Mother’s Day approaching on the 12th May and remembering the pain of my own mother’s rejection and my ever-present lifelong longings for a mother’s love to reach me still.
 
1st nightmare ~ A beautiful little white foal
So, it was around then that I had a nightmare.  Myself and my two youngest children are walking on a beautiful, lush green lawn just in front of what I imagine is our house… not sure though.  In-between us and the house there are two large horses, both rolling on the soft grass and enjoying the sunshine.  We are unable to get to the front door, because the horses are in the way and we don’t know if we can trust them. 
 
There is also a most beautiful little white foal with them, and as soon as it sees us, it comes bounding over excitedly and is trying to attract my attention, nudging me with its nose, begging me to take notice of it and wanting me to play with it.
 
In my heart, I felt an absolute longing to play with it too… it was so sweet and friendly.  I wanted so much to hug it and look into its eyes and be friends with it, but I knew that I couldn’t, because I saw how its mother had stopped rolling on the grass and was looking very concerned about her foal being near us.
 
I told my children that we needed to walk faster and try to get away from the foal, before the mother comes… she could be dangerous.  So we went around the side of the house as fast as we could and as we turned the corner, I saw through the corner of my eye, the mother getting up… I felt afraid… she was coming! 
 
We walked as fast as we could… afraid to run, in case we excited the foal too much and upset the mother more.  We turned around the back of the house… the little foal right behind us all the way.  I told the children not to speak to it or touch it… I felt so sad that we had to ignore it, but we had to stay safe.
 
We could hear the mother coming, although she did not catch up with us… she was always on one side of the house behind us, so we couldn’t see her.  We turn around the other side of the house and then around to the front of the house (the other horse was also gone)… we could feel the mother horse was getting closer… I felt very afraid.  We climbed the steps and I banged on the front door a few times with my fist because it was locked (I have no idea who I imagined was going to come and save us by opening the door!).  The foal is with us and jumping around excitedly… its mother was almost around the last corner, she would see us soon.  I tell the children to stand flush against the door with me… we must stay as still as statues and not say a thing.  We must ignore the foal and even the mother, until they go away… the mother is just rounding the last side of the house back to the front yard… and then I wake up!
 
What would you say about this dream?
I’d like to encourage my readers to think about what the meaning message in my dream could have been for me.  What positive message was my dream trying to convey to me to help me deal with something in the here and now of my life.  Keep in mind that only I, the dreamer of my dream, would know for sure what the true meaning message of my dream is once I’ve worked it out… (thinking about what struggles I’d recently been facing… What was happening in my life at the time?  What answers might I need to receive to help me cope? etc.  Think about the Mother’s Day rejection-dilemma that had been haunting me at the time… would that tie in perhaps with the dream) A Logotherapist might help me to see other meaningful aspects that I might have missed and there's always more to add if assessing the psychological possibilities of the dream... for example: Why did I not even try to open the front door first?  Why did I instead choose to stay stuck against the door as still as a statue, shutting my eyes and being completely quiet (? escaping reality and fears), rather than taking some other action?  Am I even afraid of what's on the other side of the door, due to lack of trust in my future?  There could be plenty more answers, but those are not as important to me, as "What is the meaning message of my dream?"
 
My LDI interpretation of this dream
In view of the history leading up to the dream, I believe that the dream was telling me to try to find a way to turn my back on my mother’s painful Mother’s Day rejection of 2013… it’s no use hoping against hope.  It was also telling me that I am not left alone without her in my life… I still have my children (and others) standing by me and I have their love.  I have never deliberately failed them and I trust that they believe in my unconditional love for them and that I did my best to protect them when they were young even though I couldn’t save them from all our struggles whilst living with our abuser no matter how hard I tried.  I believe that the persistent little white foal in my dream that wanted nothing more than my/our love and attention, represented the innocence of my own inner child, Patty, who was so abused and rejected by her mother.  That it was not about my mother anymore, or Patty and what she suffered “then”, (mother could never reach her again to hurt her as she did before), but rather about Patty now and her pure heart, still longing for my love… meaning, that I need to continue to work hard to embrace and reassure her that she is completely loved and accepted… to give myself (my deserving inner self, Patty, and even Patricia) all that was never given to me by my own mother… to embrace myself in such a way as to be able to look at myself in the mirror and trust that I’m okay, just as I am and that I am not to allow my past to continue to frighten and shame me through the negative behaviours of others towards me, or to continue to cause me such deep sadness at times such as Mother’s Day.
 
So that, I believe, was the meaning message that I took from that dream and I am so grateful for LDI and the reassuring answers it gives to me and the sense of peace that is also given.
 
History leading up to my 2nd nightmare
Over the weekend, I was hurt and disappointed once more by people who I once again trusted (I keep forgiving them, every time they let me down, because I love them and want to trust them)… [for clarity… this is not about family, although I’d often thought about them as family]… Anyway, these people broke my trust once again, and I went away feeling so disappointed. 
 
It was late, so, because I needed to pick up my youngest son from work in two hours, I didn’t go straight home.  I stopped off to fill up my car with petrol and visit my middle son and family who live close to my youngest son’s place of work.  I had a bit of a wait in the dark because both my sons did not see their messages straight away… I had asked my youngest son if he had a lift home, because if he did, I could go straight home… and I asked my middle son if I could visit at his house while waiting.  Both boys responded at the same time and because I did not need to pick up my youngest son, I went home. 
 
Driving up the hill, I realised that I was feeling very fearful… I was traveling alone and it was dark… usually I wouldn’t feel so fearful, because I was on the trip home and should have been feeling okay about that, but I was having intrusive thoughts of a possible hijacking, or an accident.  I kept stopping the thoughts, but they were relentless.  Even when I arrived home, my pulse was racing and I felt so afraid… as if someone was waiting to ambush me as I drove into my gate, etc.  I remained anxious until I finally fell asleep after taking ¼ sleeping pill, because I already knew that I was going to struggle to sleep if I didn’t.  The next morning I woke anxious… felt fearful all day long and struggled to fall asleep once more, even though I felt desperately tired. 
 
2nd nightmare ~ dirty hands
I dreamed that I was in a room, I had just used the toilet (I’ve worked out, that if I dream about a toilet, it’s always with no doors and only one wall which the toilet is against and there are strangers present and some walking past… and the dream always comes when I’m feeling particularly exposed and vulnerable, so the opened door, no-walls toilet is a representation of these feelings) … The people weren’t taking notice of me, but there was no privacy and I felt very uncomfortable and forgot to flush.  
 
For some reason, I had a little desk near the toilet and I’m sitting at the desk drawing.  I draw a childish little stick figure of my mother and write MOM underneath it.  As I’m drawing it, in my heart, I’m longing for her to love and accept me also.  (I’ve reproduced the picture as I remember it from my dream, using my non-dominant hand, to share it with you all here on this post).
 
As I finish the picture, my mother comes up from behind me which gives me such a fright that I quickly crumpled up my picture and threw it in the toilet hoping she wouldn’t see (she wouldn’t understand if she saw it), but as I looked at her, I realised she saw me do it.  She chatted with me for a while as if she was my friend, but suddenly she dove toward the toilet, giving me a terrible fright, almost knocking me over and stuck her hand in it so fast… there was nothing I could do to stop her… I felt horrified!
 
“What did you throw in there!” she’s shouting in front of all the people passing by, and I’m (frightened and embarrassed) pleading with her, “It’s nothing important mommy”… but she is relentless and digs through the contents of the toilet looking for the paper I threw in… then, she’s just found it and she’s opening it up…  and that's when I wake up!
 
What would you say about the meaning message of this dream?
Give LDI a try before reading on.  See if you would be able to help me to interpret the meaningful message held within my dream if you were my Logotherapist.
 
My LDI interpretation of the dream
I believe that my dream was simply letting me know that what I had done for my friends (represented by the drawing of my mother), was done out of love, and that my mother's reaction, (sticking her hand in the toilet to grab what she wanted), resulted in her hands getting dirty. 
 
The dream tells me clearly, that I should not have to be taking on the blame for what happened.  I need to stop seeing the bad behaviours of others as “my shame”, or that I’m not good enough to be loved and respected or honoured by them.  That their bad behaviours do not have to reflect on me, causing me to feel exposed, shamed and dirty…
 
My mother’s abuse of me, no longer has to dictate how I should feel about myself when others treat me in much the same way as she did.
 
I did a kindness… I did nothing wrong… and in the end, that’s the SHINE that I believe my Father in Heaven will see emanating from my heart when I meet Him.  In the meantime, I will do everything in my power to keep my own hands and heart clean.
 
Thank you for sharing with me once more.
 
~ Panayiota.

I LOVED Saturdays baking day which was so fun 😊 and I will cherish those memories forever 💖
 
I am grateful for all that my Greek (step)mom taught me and gave to my life, but most especially grateful that my little sister who grew up full time with her, remembers so much and is able to remind me every year and help me to continue to be nurtured by the memories of gifts still given by our Greek mom's love, which I have cherished in my heart of hearts since I was just a little girl, visiting my beloved Greek family on school holidays.  Without such beautiful reminders and memories being kept alive in me, I would never be where I am today 💖
 
After my lovely day with my sister and family, I finished the day off marking a Logotherapy student’s portfolio.
 
2nd May ~ I wrote…
“My beloved little brother Peter (Petros)... He would have been 60 yesterday, 1 May, on his birthday and today, 2nd May 2005, he died due to having an epileptic seizure in his sleep.  He developed epilepsy during his adolescence.
 
“My heart still aches every year on the 1st and 2nd of May.  I love you my brother... Happy Birthday for yesterday, and thinking of you with love today on your Love Day... 💖 … We will meet again 💖”
 
I am so grateful to believe and know without doubt that Peter is still with me in spirit 💖
 
We don't "move on" from grief. We move forward with it | Nora McInerny
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khkJkR-ipfw
 
4th May…
Today I was invited to my daughter’s house for lunch, because my very caring son in law had offered to do some work on my car.  He likes to do a mini service on it every so often which I appreciate very much!  I am truly blessed to have them both in my life.
 
Before I went to them, I decided to quickly go to our local hypermarket, to exchange some sugar free chewing gums that my youngest son had brought for me a few days earlier.  The gums he had brought were the ones I am allergic to.  At the time of the day that I drove to the mall, the streets were very busy and when I arrived, there were so many people walking all over the streets, that they even slowed me down at the entrance to the shopping mall.  Between the people and cars moving in every direction, I started to feel a little suffocated, but I persevered to the underground parking, but even in there, it was so packed with parked and moving cars and people, that I was thrown right out of my comfort zone and started to panic.  I finally found a parking but found myself glued to my seat once my car stopped moving.  I wanted to go into the shops, but it honestly felt as though I was tied to my chair and couldn’t move (paralysed with fear)... something that has not happened in a long time.  So, almost in tears, I realised that the shopping trip was out of the question and waited until I felt brave enough to leave… from there, I went to my daughter’s house… still too many cars on the streets on the way there.  It was lovely to be distracted and able to relax and enjoy being at my daughter's house, with her and my son in law and their two dogs which I adore and they seem to absolutely love me also.
 
After my visit there, I went home for a short time, but soon had to go pick up my youngest son from work around 8pm… so, I left early enough to visit my second son on the way, to wish him Happy 38th Birthday… My goodness, how time flies… one day, not so long ago it seems, I was holding him as a baby in my arms… thank goodness for still being able to enjoy HUGS!
 
Straight from visiting him, I went to pick up my youngest son from work on that horrible, scary, dark road that I really don’t enjoy traveling on at night…
 
The day was all too much… by Sunday, I knew that I was not going to be able to leave my home for church… there was too little left, so I just chilled for the rest of the day. 
 
Fitted in also on the 4th May, I continued the Messenger conversation with my Friend who I had chatted with on the 1st May… (Blog post: Conversation with a friend ~ Loving unconditionally.)  My friend shared with me, more about her lonely struggles and I once again deeply empathised with her, understanding that she had real reason to be so unhappy under such hurtful and lonely circumstances.  I tried to help her to see that sometimes, we make things worse for ourselves as a result of our reactions to our pain and sufferings… (even by our own thoughts and words)… that we worsen the very problem we are fighting to “right”…  I wanted to get across to this dear friend, the message of “thinking before we speak”… taming our thoughts and our words... allowing our words to be based on higher, more spiritual thought processes…
 
“How could I handle this situation more spiritually?  What would be the right thing to say and do in this moment?  How could my words or actions affect this situation?  What kind of impact is my behaviour having on myself or others?” etc.
 
I somehow wanted her to visualize for herself, how what she says… the way she says it… tone of voice… attitude… body language… etc. could ultimately improve or negatively affect the perspective of not only the person she talks to, but her own life and degree of peace and happiness too… that what she says and does, could also be directly affecting the way others are choosing to relate to her.  I shared with her, that by handling difficult and painful situations in an unequally spiritual and more gentle and loving way, could make miracles happen and that I’d proved it in my own life, over and over 💖🙏

My intent was to get across a message about the uniquely spiritual nature and spiritual dimension of the human being... some people would interpret this through religion, and others, by the mere fact that we are human beings.  

“…being human means being confronted continually with situations, each of which is at once a chance and a challenge, giving us a “chance” to fulfill ourselves by meeting the “challenge” to fulfill its meaning.  Each situation is a call, first to listen, and then to respond.” (Frankl, 2000, p.126) ~ Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaning

“A characteristic of human existence, for example, is its transcendence.   Man transcends his environment toward the world; but more than this, he also transcends his being toward an ought, when he rises above the level of the somatic and the psychic and enters the realm of the genuinely human, the spirit, the Noös.” (Havenga Coetzer, 2003, p35) ~ Viktor Frankl’s Avenues to Meaning
 
I worried about my friend’s response and felt I might have failed her in what I had tried to share.
 
FRIEND
I know, and I live by my belief in the Lord.  Now, I need to focus on how to make sure that my son knows that he is mocking God by telling us he is gay because God won’t find him a wife.
 
Panayiota (My response was pretty much very straight to the point, because I just didn’t know what else to say)
“No... all you need to do is let him know you love him. The more you push your religious values the more you will push him away from his own. Please believe me. The only way you can convince him that there is a God looking over his life is in LOVE and through LOVE. I would not even mention religion to him... I'd just love him... He needs to make his own choices and will have more chance of making the right choices to his own Life question if he is feeling loved and accepted. (not necessarily your right choices according to your religious values... It seems they are no longer his religious values... He needs to establish his own values, and those might be better than the apparently nothing he is living now) If he is not feeling totally loved and accepted soon, he will have nowhere else to turn, but to where love and acceptance will find him... No matter how much you protest then, You WILL lose any chance of saving him.  Worry about your own salvation and pray only for his...”
 
My friend did not respond, but gratefully, she is still with me as I still see her participating on my Facebook posts, and I feel confident that she knows and trusts that I am still around should she ever need to message me again.   
 
I see a woman who seems to have lost a sense of control over the love and attention that she is so desperately crying out for (see comments section on a previous blog post, posted 1st May)… I have a feeling that she feels desperate about not being able to draw love and attention back to herself from those who should love her.  I imagine that in her frustration, the way she has been going about obtaining what she needs, is proving to not be working… and when we find that something is not working for us anymore, perhaps then it’s time to try something new…
 
I ask: “If her son did take on his mother’s values because that’s what she demands of him, would that prove to her that his love for her is real, or would there possibly then be other unanswered questions surfacing… ?”
 
I leave it there and that will be the end of this discussion.  If anyone wants to add, please e-mail me at pattyskeys@gmail.com and if I feel anything can genuinely help my friend from what you share, and will not hurt her more than she is already hurting, then I will share it with her and if she would allow, I’d share it as a blog post.
 
I pray with all my heart, that in some way, I have been able to help my friend, even if only a little 💖🙏✨
 
Another friend ~ another conversation: 
Chatting with another friend just yesterday, she asked a question, reminding me about what I was taught by my mentor once, that has helped me so much.  That sometimes the pain and the damage is so deep that it cannot be forgotten or just done away with or easily understood, and it’s not something that can just be “fixed” by others.  The pain and damage exist, and we have to somehow learn to live with it and deal with it in such a way, so as not to hurt others or ourselves.
 
I wrote from my memory, what our mentor had shared with me:
Tucking away the fear, pain and anger… That’s how the Holocaust survivors managed to go on.  They couldn’t continue living in the world as victims carrying all the horror with them in an open way, and there could be no way to just let it all go (and they should never be expected to)… nobody could take their lived experience away from them… it could NOT just be forgotten as if it had never happened… So, they learned to tuck it away for the sake of a greater good, because few others could ever understand it in the way that they had experienced their sufferings anyway…
 
So, it’s almost like, even the horrors that we’ve born, are meant to be sacred to us, because they belong to our unique personal experience.  They were not meant for others to bear with us in the same way we bore/bear them.  We did not bear our sufferings so that we could use our experience to hurt others, instead we bore them, so that we could grow in wisdom, love, humility and grace.  Only we are ever able to travel our own unique path… So, we alone, often have to go on with our burdens (tucked away)… we have to rise up, to be victorious over our sufferings regardless of any desperate needs we might have for loving support and understanding to come and lift our burdens for us.
 
I wrote:
TUCKING AWAY THE FEAR, THE PAIN AND THE ANGER!
© All rights reserved ~ www.pattyskeys.co.za
 
Do not express it… go on… go on
Hold it all in… quieten that sad song
Do not express it… do not cry out
Do not argue… do not shout
 
Tuck it away… go on… go on
Who can hear your mournful song
Alone you must find a way out of ‘that place’
To discover your true self… to see your own face
 
Who can help you, or dry those tears
Alone you must conquer your own bitter fears
Find your own strength!  YOU MUST!  YOU MUST
Search your own light, for it’s YOU, you must trust
 
Move forward… climb high… never give in
Hold tightly God’s hand… life’s between you and Him
Grasp your life’s meaning… life’s purpose for you
It’s all that is left!  It’s what you must do
 
Try to believe it and never let go
If it’s meant to be, then it WILL be so
When you defiantly stand for your good and your true
Then nothing can stop the course meant for you
 
You are unique and so is your work
So do not abandon it and do not shirk
The world is waiting for what you can give
Sharing your purpose is the true way to live
 
Keep moving forward
Life’s blessings will come
Emerge from the darkness
Enter the sun
 
~ Panayiota
(26 October 2010 – Thank you dear mentor)

​5th – 7th May – It’s a quieter time at work, so I’ve started working on my book again, and once again, I am being affected by the work on a psychological level.  I have to get this book done asap, so that I can somehow put my past behind me for once and for all by not having to regurgitate it over and over as has happened in the process of writing the book… Enough already!
 
8th May – Voting day in SA.
I nearly didn't get to vote today, because I didn't get to register and thought I had to.  My youngest son was working on the registration day and I wasn't going to go there on my own then, or to vote today... he's working today also!  And on top of that, I've developed a genuine fear based, no-trust image of this country, because they won't give me the ID card, because I was born in Rhodesia... now Zimbabwe... Yet I've been a naturalised citizen of this country for well over 30 years now!  So I am really unhappy about the fact that I'm still not good enough or accepted enough in this country to receive the ID card and must stick with the green book instead… This country, I have for so long called my home!  That HURTS BIG TIME!!!  Another painful source of rejection and not belonging for me...
 
(I don’t listen to, read or discuss the news… my two younger sons were discussing politics yesterday and within a few minutes, I developed a yawning attack and started to dissociate… they both noticed and realised that it was too much for me and stopped.  So I just can’t go there anymore… I wish that the leaders of this country would prove to me that “I” am an important part of this nation also… that I belong… I wish I could feel their love and acceptance… I’m so hurt, because I don’t!)
 
So, there was the voting day fears today, because I honestly don’t feel safe in this country anymore because of the card thing... Anyway, my youngest sister called earlier to say she will take me to vote, so I went and apparently my name was still on the list (I would only need to register again if I moved home).  Thankfully, it was all quick and easy and I've done it! I'm so grateful that my sister thought to take me… I love her so much!
 
Not feeling 100% today... weak, shaky and anxious... struggling with dissociation... I think it's due to working on my book yesterday and going through a chapter on Mother's Day 2013, when I sent my mom a genuinely loving Mother’s Day message and she responded by basically telling me to *#%@ $ff! So, that has stirred some uncomfortable, mixed emotions in me as it's so close to our Mother’s Day right now...
 
The child in me still so longs for her mother's love and for an opportunity to be able to love my mother now, but she won't let my sister and I love her... she doesn't want us in her life and never did... right as far back as her trying to abort me before I was even born... HUMPH!
 
I think I need to adopt a mother… like my dear old friend who I used to visit regularly… dear Norma… I miss her so much.  I moved away from the area where she lived, and she has since passed away.  I loved my visits to Norma so much, because they did me good.
 
Seems, I have become too busy and too housebound to visit old folk now.  Just yesterday, one of the neighbours visited me with some old clothes to try on that another old lady had disposed of.  A few of the items fitted, thankfully.  I’m still struggling with the weight I gained over the last few months, so not everything fitted (I feel like I’m permanently hungry again… just like I always did before I gained control over my eating in my 50’s.  When I really think about the hungry feelings, I realise that they feel the same as anxiety… the doom and gloom anxiety… or Chicken Licken anxiety… “The sky is falling down”… I have to find a way back to controlling this problem that I struggled with most of my life… I don’t want it to come back full-time again!)
 
While my neighbour friend was visiting, she told me that the old man in the house behind ours had passed away in the morning.  I felt so sad that I’d not yet visited him.  I was waiting for a gate to be built in my back wall… (when I could afford it) … that would allow me to visit people inside the complex without having to leave my yard on the “scary” street side where I’d have to go around to the main gate.  As easy as that sounds, I just could not find the courage inside of me to do it… leaving my house is hard enough at the best of times.  But I feel a gate in my back wall, leading directly into the interior of the complex would be safer and I am sure that I’d have a better chance of visiting old folk in the complex from time to time then… it would be so good for this heart of mine.  Hearing about the old man passing away before I’d ever had a chance to visit him, reminded me of this very sad poem:
 
Around the Corner
               
Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end;
Yet days go by, and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone,
And I never see my old friend's face,
For Life is a swift and terrible race.
He knows I like him just as well
As in the days when I rang his bell
And he rang mine. We were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men:
Tired with playing a foolish game,
Tired with trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow," I say, "I will call on Jim,
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes--and tomorrow goes,
And the distances between us grows and grows.
Around the corner!—yet miles away . . .
"Here's a telegram, sir . . ."
                                                      "Jim died today."
And that's what we get, and deserve in the end:
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
 
~ Charles Hanson Towne
 
I am truly sorry and sad that I let the old man behind me down, as a result of my fears!  I must be braver… I must do better! 
 
Yesterday… yesterday I lost a dear friend, who I had not even met yet and I am so sad about that.
 
A Golden opportunity and a Gift of LOVE from life… LOST FOREVER!
 
And talking about neighbours, I was happy to receive a very beautiful and loving letter from one of my friends, in response to my last blog post about my direct next door neighbours whose car was stolen the other day.  I printed the beautiful letter out and made a stack of scones and put both the scones and the letter on the bonnet of their car early this morning.  I’m sure that must have been a lovely surprise for them when they found it.  I hope it warmed their hearts and took away some of the pain of their recent car theft.  Thank you to the wonderful friend who responded to my blog post… thank you for sharing your love with my neighbours 💖
 
Wool allergy (I’m also very allergic to feathers, dust, etc.)
Colder mornings… I’ve developed almost complete deafness in my left ear for well over a week now and a rushing sound and some ringing, some dizzy days and it’s even causing me to feel very tired… I just want to sit when it’s bad.  There’s even a mild sting inside my ear.  This happens every year when it gets cold… I can’t type with cold fingers, so I put on my wooly gloves… the result… an allergic reaction.  For Mother’s Day this year, I’ve asked my children to all chip in to buy me some leather gloves… or something like that which doesn’t have any wool or fluff on the outside.
 
And on the subject of ears…
 
Grandchild’s song… sets off an ear-worm!
So, one last story to share with you all…  On the 12th April, I attended an evening at church, where Easter was celebrated in music and song, and my granddaughter sang the closing song.  Well, for me it was an emotional evening, because the singing was so beautiful and I was feeling the love of and for all who attended, but, when it was my granddaughters time to sing, my heart was touched so deeply beyond words by her beautiful voice and the lovely words of her song.  How I wish I could share her singing with you all here. 
 
Well, I think that due to the high emotions I experienced, that song got stuck in my head DAY AND NIGHT for 8 days!  I thought I was going to go right off my rocker!  And now that I’ve brought this subject up, I sincerely hope it doesn’t start all over again!
 
I’ve tried to fathom why that happened… but I think it’s because… on my inner-child, Patty level… my granddaughter is living Patty’s dream.  Patty never had the opportunities that my grandchildren are having… Patty never had a parent who encouraged her to become her best.  I honestly believe that when I watch my grandchildren achieving “their greatness”, Patty is sharing it with them in a vicarious way… a delightful way… a happy way.  I cannot tell you how much I love my sons and daughter in laws for being the great parents that they are to my grandchildren.  I value this so much, that it is beyond my ability to express just how much it means to me… I feel overwhelmed with gratitude whenever I try to think about all that my grandchildren are achieving, because of the extra WORK, TIME and LOVE that their parents are putting in for their sake.
 
I think Patty has a dream… she wants me to sing that song with my granddaughter… she wants to live her dream… she wants to feel like she is an amazing somebody also.  Who knows… someday it might actually happen.  (keeping in mind, that if I try to sing in public, my throat goes into a knot and I just can't!)
 
Below I’ve posted a link concerning the ear-worms… I’ve tried the chewing gum… it didn’t work for me… I just ended up chewing in time to the beat of the song going round and round in my head.  I tried concentrating on my work and playing other music… but still the ear-worm stayed… 8 days of the same tune being stuck in my head is a long-long time!  I’ve had ear-worms in the past, but this one was ridiculous!
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/03/21/heres-how-get-song-out-your-head/99264896/
 
Thank you for sharing with me today
 
~ Panayiota

​You might remember me writing about my new neighbours some time ago… the ones that I felt so afraid of when they moved in?  Well, things have gotten so much better between us thank goodness.  We don’t visit or bug each other, but all the time, one or the other is reaching out in kindness.  Like, I might give vegetables and herbs from my garden and preserves, etc., and when Shem was here the other day to mow my roadside lawn, he knows to do the neighbours lawn to the one side of me too, because we share the front lawn, and they are very old.  At the same time, he mowed the other lawn on the other side of our driveway… the one belonging to the neighbours I was afraid of before.  Shem is such a good man!
 
Those direct neighbours and I share our driveway and covered carport.  Our shared carport gates open independently so as not to bug each other when we come and go.  Once I asked Shem to come and mow my lawn when he had a chance, but before he could come, I noticed it had been mowed already… I later found out that my direct neighbours had done that.  Recently Shem cut down all the old leaves off our palm trees outside the yard, and at the same time, our neighbours were trimming their roadside lawn tree… so they offered to take our leaves and mess on the same load as theirs to dispose of it.  If they had not done that, Shem and I would have had to pack my car with it all and it would have been a huge, messy job, so it was such a blessing to have my neighbours help.
 
Well, on Friday evening, my neighbours car was stolen from outside their gate.  They had just arrived home and were unloading their groceries and within 10 minutes their car was gone.
 
I know what it feels like to have a car stolen! It’s a horrible, horrible feeling.  I also believe that these neighbours are struggling greatly. 
 
I might have a long list of things needing financial assistance, and I might list them sometime and ask for help again, but for now, they can wait, because right now, I would like to bless my neighbours to feel loved if at all possible, please.
 
On Saturday, I arrived home from my daughters’ house.  My son in law asked me to bring my car so that he could work on it.  He gave it a service… he is so kind and has taken it upon himself to do this from time to time for me.  How lovely he is… I love them both so much. 
 
Anyway… I had just arrived home and was also unloading the car and locking my gate, when I realised I’d locked my car doors… bag and car keys inside!  In my hand, I had my house keys, so I was grateful for that, because I could go inside and get my spar car keys in my room.  But, I get to my room door, and realise with horror, that I’d locked that on the way out earlier in the day and the keys are in my bag locked up in the car.  Oh dear! 
 
So I go over to the neighbours who are there thankfully and the elderly couple come over immediately to help me, armed with all their house keys to see if they fit… they didn’t… so they come with screwdrivers and both the man and lady are trying to unscrew the bedroom door handle to help me… but all the time the lady is crying and pouring out her heart to me about her stollen car. 
 
Her son had just managed to get a second car, so that his working mom could have one also to get herself to work.  That very morning (Friday), he’d gone and paid for it to be licensed… but now it was gone!  His mom was besides herself as tears streamed down her face as she was trying to unscrew the door handle with her husband also trying at the same time.  I didn’t stop her, because I think she needed to be doing something right then… she seemed so determined and so kind………….  Then just as all the screws are out, I remember that I didn’t put the keys into my bag as I usually ALWAYS do, but had put them somewhere else in the house…
 
Was that whole situation meant to happen for their sake, so that that dear lady could share her pain with her neighbour and receive some love…
 
Oh my goodness me, I felt so embarrassed and apologies profusely as I presented the keys and they screwed the door handle back on…
 
My memory problem is sooooo embarrassing! 
 
As they were leaving, I hugged my neighbour for a long time as she sobbed in my arms… surely, she needed to feel loved just then… and I felt the need to love her before she left because my heart ached for her too.
 
Anyway, the whole object of this letter, is that if anyone feels they could send/bring some love in the form of groceries, or anything that would uplift my neighbours, please do be so kind.
 
If you know me, then you know which is my house an which is theirs (no 18)… please just bring them a gift and tell them you heard that their car was stolen and you wanted to bless them.  You don’t need to mention me at all… I certainly wouldn’t want neighbours reading my blog posts… too close for comfort… hahaha!
 
Or if you prefer, you can bring your blessings to me to give to them, which I will gladly do.  Maybe bring it with a note from you and your family.
 
Lastly, if you want to make a donation, please reference it as Neighbourly love and I will pass it onto them. 

​Please help me to lift their spirits at this time of their loss… ♥
 
Thank you for sharing with my neighbours and I,
 
~ Panayiota

​My beloved little brother Peter [Petros] – (I have written about him at end of this post)

I had just written about my green balloon on the roof experience, when a struggling friend responded.  I have included (with permission), portions of our conversation below because I believe it will fit well with my recent posts.  
 
I ask that there is no “bashing” of this friend for her current reaction to her struggles.  This post is not about what a person does right or wrong according to our meter, but rather about gently guiding a person to find their “rightness” in their situation, as this friend is obviously crying out for… to find her sense of peace in that place where everything seems to be going so wrong and so often seems too overwhelming to deal with. 
 
As parents, and brothers and sisters, etc., we have ideas of how things should be, according to our own set values, our own imaginations, dreams, fantasies and wishes, etc.  I believe, that in the real world, and in a good, caring, loving and healing world, we learn that if love is to be unconditional, sometimes it is ourselves who have to find a way to change our attitude towards a situation and perhaps just to accept others “where they are”, especially those whom we are supposed to love unconditionally, even if what they are doing, or what they have become, goes against everything we have come to believe in, or been indoctrinated to believe in, etc. 
 
This is not about blindly accepting what is wrong in this world or in another person as we perceive wrong to be… it is about loving unconditionally where unconditional love is the one and only place where peace can still be found, regardless of a situation which sometimes is not in our power to change.  Often, changing our own attitude towards a “bad, wrong or difficult” situation that we have little control over, will greatly benefit not only ourselves, but other/s also.
 
I have interjected some Logotherapy quotes throughout

"Attitudinal values are values which we experience through the right attitudes we have towards life, especially towards inexplicable suffering” (Shantall, 2003, p.40) ~ The Quest for Destiny
 
“Attitudinal values rank higher than creative and experiential values” (Frankl, 2000, p.124) ~ Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaning
 
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms–to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” (Frankl, 2008, p. 75) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
So, when we believe we have tried everything else and we are left feeling totally hopeless and helpless to “change” the one we feel needs changing… why then don’t we instead, try LOVE…. Unconditional Love.  I have tried this, and have proved time and time again, that it works more powerfully than anything else.  The feelings of love must be real for it to work.
 
Conversation adapted/shortened for this blog post
 
FRIEND
I am going to try this Pan.
 
Panayiota
What's that (friend)?  Looking for signs of love, protection and goodness that are always coming to us?  I hope you get yours. I get mine also on the time... all the combinations of times, especially all the combinations of ones and twos which happen most, 11:11, 11:12, 21:21, but others also, such as, 14h14, 18h18, etc. I take those as signs that someone is with me and loves me. I see them when I glance at my watch quickly during work, or when I've just done something good or kind, such as I’ve just WhatsApped a friend with my love.  So, to me it's like Life is telling me "Thank you" or “You are loved”, and then in my own gratitude for believing this, I feel more inclined to do good, more often... so it all feels beautiful to me. Then there's the butterflies and birds that come to visit, just when I need a sign most, one will come fly right next to me, or even a bird landing on my back like what happened the other day. The more you become aware of the signs from Life (Heaven) that you are not alone, the more you see them... it's a beautiful thing dear friend, and so reassuring and life-strengthening.
 
FRIEND
Feeling the need for somebody from the otherside just coming to console me. Wanting so very much to accept the unacceptable, especially now that my son is trying to prove to us he is gay. Then, all of a sudden when I am thinking of somebody who has passed, I wish with all of my heart they were there. I am going to try to be a better person and try to find the love that I so long for from certain people. My son finally walked out of the house a week ago tomorrow, because he told everybody how unhappy he was here, and how much he hated me. Why, because I would always catch him out when he was on something or find his stuff. Some of the things you write about, about the balloon, and thanking whomever sent it, because you felt everything was going to be all right. I am going to try to find my 'allrightness'. It has to be somewhere, because the stress of the addiction, the dying of the overdose, and watching whilst they are brought back, and this nonsense that God hasn't found him a wife, so now he figures he is gay. Well, I am not as nice as you. I wish I could be, but I hammered my son and kept banging on the bathroom door, just to get his attention so that he wouldn't overdose again, so that I wouldn't have to call the Emergency number again, and I finally, out of desperation, told my son, that I would accept him as a Eunuch, but not a gay. Oh Pan, if only I could be like you.
 
Panayiota
Oh (my friend), living with an addict is the hardest of all. I haven't lived with one but I was there for one for a number of years during his youth in a kind of caring and loving aunty/counselling capacity, and it was so heart wrenching and exhausting trying to help someone who just could not find that place inside himself to help himself also. To have someone like that living with you I can imagine is beyond hard! So, I cannot criticize you for how you have been reacting to his addiction and the fear that has caused you to suffer so acutely.
 
“An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behaviour” (Frankl, 2006, p. 20). 
 
I see from my perspective, that there's only one thing you can do and that's realise that you cannot change the path of his unique journey.  I believe that he is sent on that path, not only to teach his own soul and to find his own way towards HIS unique spiritual growth, but his presence in your life must surely have also been a part of your own unique souls journey and in a spiritual sense, even a gift to help you to reach that place of your own progression.
 
What is life calling YOU to do under the extremely difficult circumstances that you have had to face?
 
“Our pain and sufferings are meant to awaken our spiritual aspirations. Life is always asking us, “What are we meant to discover in any particular situation?”” ~ Henry Mason
 
“To be sure, man is free to answer the questions he is asked by life.  But this freedom must not be confounded with arbitrariness.  It must be interpreted in terms of responsibleness.  Man is responsible for giving the right answer to a question for finding the true meaning of a situation.  And meaning is something to be found rather than to be given, discovered rather than invented.” (Frankl, 1988, p.62) ~ The Will to Meaning
 
Look for the signs from LIFE that are meant to reassure you that everything is as it should be "right now"... there is a reason for it all... YOU ARE NOT ALONE... someone is always with you from the other side, wanting to let you know that it's all going to turn out okay in the end, if you can just persevere and endure in faith until then.
 
If your son is choosing to take drugs, or to be gay, "right now", do you think that any of your condemnation against him is going to help him to make his own decisions for his own life and his own spiritual progress. If this is a journey he needs to take, then who are we to decide if it's the right or the wrong journey. Our churches and our interpretations of the bible teach us that it's a terrible sin... but I believe strongly, that ours is not to judge another human being for their choices... ours is only to LOVE.
 
With love, anything is possible... and it does not have to be OUR THING according to our perceptions and our upbringing and our churches teachings, etc. It is ultimately ONLY our Father in Heaven who will decide what is right and wrong for each person who stands before Him in the end... Only He will be able to read the whole story of that person's life and weigh it all in the Balance of Life... I believe that He will judge not on what we've done wrong according to our fellow man, or even according to our own conscious, or even according to how we have interpreted our bible, but He will judge only the level of TRUE & UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that we have developed for our fellow man (and all creation)... regardless of whether they are in our opinion, the filthy hobo on the side of the street, or our own wayward child... regardless of race, colour or creed. This is my belief and I believe that only LOVE can lift any curse... and that means, being able to truly love over whatever WE consider a curse... to love beyond and unconditionally... to love true.
 
If your son eventually dies as a result of HIS CHOICES, that will be the end only of THIS part of his progression and life's journey... I believe that we will still have more chances on the other side of THIS LIFE to continue to progress and to become what we were always meant to be, to do what we were always meant to do... in the end, I believe... ONLY LOVE CAN GET US THERE.
 
How can we learn to love unconditionally, or heal or progress, if we have never known unconditional love for the healing nourishment and upliftment of our own souls?
 
I wrote the following poem for my own son and I practiced what I preach here... and I have my son back... I have his love back... he visits me and we have long, wonderful conversations... I wish the same for you dear (my friend)... God be with you and your son.
 
ONLY LOVE CAN LIFT THE CURSE!
© All rights reserved ~ www.pattyskeys.co.za
 
He doesn’t want people to know him,
For he no longer knows himself,
He doesn’t want people to feel for him,
Because he no longer feels much for himself!
He doesn’t want people to celebrate for him,
For he celebrates not for himself,
He doesn’t want people to love him,
For he doesn’t love himself!
Don’t live for him; don’t die for him,
Don’t even exist for his life,
For he’s no longer living or dead,
And he doesn’t exist for himself!
He denies that he has a problem,
Yet he struggles in a lonely place,
Where he’s tried to rub out his own feelings,
And has even erased his own face!
Don’t hate him for who he’s becoming,
You will only make things so much worse!
Love him regardless, I beg of you,
For Only Love can lift the curse!
 
~ Panayiota
(8th July 2000)
 
FRIEND
Gosh Pan, I am so sorry for your problems. I love my children. 4 out of the 8 have taken strange paths, and right now I am totally numb. I have tired everything, but I am lost. I just sit and stare out of the window, and then try knitting, but my mind is locked up in some sort of box because of homosexuality, drugs, not living the gospel and most of all, one of my children telling me that I alienate most of my children. I feel that I am forsaken by my own family. Please, please just understand, and please, don't waste your time on me. Right now, I am just done with everything.
 
Panayiota
It is so obvious that you have been through more than you feel you can bear (my friend) and I don't have all the answers for you, and your situation, other than to share only what I have already tried and what worked for me. And the most powerful thing was to give up hoping that my child would be in my church or doing things that I felt he should be doing, and to just truly love him regardless and for him to know that without a moment's doubt.
 
I'm not sure how I would have dealt with the struggles you have... I might never have survived them, so I honour your strength. I managed to survive my own struggles, using the power of my unconditional love for my son... over time, it worked and he came back into my life more whole than I'd ever dreamed was still possible... and he might still not be in MY church, and I'm perfectly okay with that, because now he is at least free to discuss what he believes with me, without fear of any judgment.
 
Talking to you is not wasting my time... it's just sharing where I can, because I care... and if I say the wrong things, then I'd hope you'd understand that I wouldn't have meant to. I do hope you will find a way to deal with your pain and your struggles... a peaceful way that will bring to you the comfort and peace you need.
 
FRIEND
Thank you my dearest friend. I find it difficult to see my children compromize the standards that I taught them, as I will not ever compromize mine. The sad thing is, now my second oldest daughter is telling me that I am alienating all of my family…I am lost to the bickering of those that do not go to church and then pull me to pieces because I do. I will always love my family, but I will honestly tell you that I do not feel love from a lot of them.
 
Panayiota
I feel for you (my friend)... True Love must surely be something that goes way beyond our own needs. I did not feel my son's love for a long time while he was lost in his own sufferings, and that ripped me to pieces, because I truly loved him and needed his love in return. But in all of my aching, I finally decided that it did not matter whether he loved me back or not... I loved him and that's all that mattered... I was not going to give up on my love for him... so I just texted him once in a while... very short, unemotional little notes, just so that he knew I was thinking of him. I'd either end with Love you, or a heart. I did not expect anything back from him at all... I just wanted to feel free to love him in my own way... so, that's what I imagined was unconditional love... and it worked miracles. I have him back... I see him healing... I am happy again.
 
Love is the only way to lift any curse... true, unconditional love. This is the only wisdom I can give you from my own heart and my own experience. It should not matter what we taught our children... or what we expected from them... or what we think they should be or do in life... it should only matter that they know that no matter what, we love them. Nothing else... NOTHING ELSE.
 
That's all I can give you from my heart (my friend)... it's all I've got, and I've proved that it works miracles and it has brought me so much peace... it gave me my son back. I'd rather have him where he is now, than anywhere else, because at least I have his love and trust back... I am so happy and so grateful for that.
 
God be with you to help you with whatever you feel needs to be done to have the love of your alienating, struggling, wayward, accusing, or whatever, family back. You are all in my prayers.
 
In short... I personally believe that true love goes way beyond our own needs... when we can put our own needs and wants and expectations aside for the sake of a beloved, that's true love according to my understanding through my experience dear friend. That kind of love is the only love that brings healing and peace.
 
I believe that's how our Father in Heaven operates... He just LOVES and LOVES and LOVES... even after we've sinned and disappointed Him, He still LOVES... because all He wants is for all His children is for us to find our way to come Home to Him someday.  If I did not believe in this kind of Love from Him, I would not still believe in Him and I would have no reason to try to do what is right according to my own perceptions of what I imagine is right, good, beautiful, true and healing.  If I were to follow, only what someone has forced or guilt tripped me into, etc. then would my following be true... it would be impossible for me to KNOW my Father in Heaven in the way I do today, if my knowing Him, was based on someone else’s ideas and ideals of who He is.  I had to get to know Him in my own way and thus, for my own sake.
 
I asked my friend if I could use our conversation on my blog and gratefully, she agreed:
 
Panayiota
I won't use our conversation until you are sure it's okay for me to use. I know and honour that deep conversations like this are sacred, so I'd never share unless you were absolutely happy for me to do so.  I felt our conversation was an important one to illustrate how much we struggle and ache when our children are not following the path we always wished and dreamed for them, and it was also an important message of unconditional love often being the only way left to handle such situations. I do understand how hard and painful it is when our children don't live up to our expectations... I've been there and felt that pain until I could not bear it anymore and then finally came to a place of the unconditional love I speak of... the love that doesn't care as much about their choices that I can't change anymore, as my need to still have them close and to still be able to love them regardless... (I would NOT be able to do what you've done though... to allow even my own child to live with me if they were taking drugs... I just couldn't, so there you tried harder than I believe I ever could... I would not have been able to live with that amount of uncertainty, fear or pain… I've worked with addicts before and found it too painful and a huge sense of hopelessness)
 
I hope that if I share our conversation, others will identify, and it might help them also to come to a place of unconditional love... When you and when they are ready... we have to be ready first to let go of our own ideals and wants and needs and wishes and dreams, or fantasies for the outcome of our children’s lives... before we can come to that place of unconditional love... it's a place of peace and just "letting be" for the sake of peace and love and having whatever remnants of relationship still with them... far better than the fighting and the NOTHING.
 
“We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless
situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation…we are challenged to change ourselves.” (Frankl, 2008, p. 116) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
FRIEND
You can use anything of mine dear Pan.  I am OK with you furthering your work.  Just hope I am not a bother and a hindrance.
 
Panayiota
How could you even say that you are a bother or a hindrance (my friend)... please don't bring yourself down like that... this is surely a possible route of some of your suffering as it has so long been mine also.  I don't have time, as you know, to be a full time Logotherapist, or to read long letters, or to visit my Facebook friends page very often at all, but I do care about what you are going through... I care, because I remember how it was for me when my children started to become independent and were doing things that I did not feel where agreeable to my values and what I wanted from them... and visiting places that I felt were dangerous, etc., I had to learn the hard way, through my own suffering, that I could not change them, or choose their path... I therefore actually understand and can see that your struggles are FAR worse than anything I've had to go through, so I truly do understand your REACTION to your struggles, but I also believe that there will come a time, where you either kill your own progress with your own pain and reactions to your pain over what you cannot control, or, you will find a way to love unconditionally, beyond the needs of your own heart and your own values, etc. 
 
"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true." (Viktor Frankl, 2008, p. 116) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
My prayer and hope is that you will find that place where you will be able to JUST LOVE... no more needing or wanting your children to be as you so hoped or so wished they would be, but rather just accept them where they are... EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE... in other words, handing them back to their Maker and letting Him deal with their lives in His way... TRUSTING completely that He will do what is right with them... FOR THEM... and for the sake of their own eternal progression... KNOWING, that He has allowed them to take the path that they find themselves on right now, in order for their own souls learning and progression.  He would NOT forsake them, even though they appear to be forsaken... they are not.  I truly believe, that there are NO coincidences... that everything is exactly as it should be, and that all that is required of any of us is to LOVE... LOVE beyond... over... through... whatever... to just LOVE. 
 
“A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth —that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love." (Viktor Frankl, 2008, p.p. 48-49) ~ Man’s Search for Meaning
 
LIFE WILL JUST KEEP ON REPEATING ITSELF UNTIL EACH ONE OF US FINALLY GET THE MESSAGE THAT IT'S TRYING TO SEND TO US, FOR OUR OWN UNIQUE PROGRESSION. 
 
Without LOVE, none of us would make it... we would not be able to find our way back to our soul's longing or our souls perfection... only LOVE can lift any curse... and once we realise that, we all have a chance at  making it to our true place of being, belonging and doing.  The only chance any of our children have of finding their way, I believe, is IN LOVE and THROUGH LOVE...

“Love also parallels conscience with respect to the uniqueness of the target.  Just as conscience aims at the uniqueness of possibilities dormant in each life situation, so love aims at the equally unique potentialities dormant in a loved person” (Frankl 2000:42) ~ Man’s Search for Ultimate Meaning
 
That's all I have to offer you on the subject, because I've come to believe that more than anything else on earth... that beyond any religion, or indoctrination, tradition, cultural practices, geographical orientation or status, that in the end... LOVE will be how our Maker defines and recognises us as HIS OWN... I believe with all my heart, that it will be the only measure we will be judged by.  Our God is LOVE and the only way He will recognise us, is through LOVE... love for our fellow man (ALL), and all creation in this world.  I truly believe that NOTHING else will matter. 
 
Let me know if I can still use our conversation once you've read this.  I won't use it without your final say.  I do believe that what we've discussed will help others... I pray it will ❤
 
FRIEND
You have my permission dear Pan.  I must honestly tell you that I feel so alone and lost.  A long, long story
 
My friend went on to share a painful story of such abject loneliness (aloneness) and my heart ached for her, because I understood… she discussed situations that I identified with and which triggered my own painful memories.  I even understood her “fight” to FIX what was so wrong in her world, because she was so alone with her own hurting mind and frightening thoughts for hours and hours each day.  I have chosen not to include that part of her story here.  She also mentioned her “Freeway phobia”… unable to drive on the Freeway due to extreme fear.
 
FRIEND
I kill myself cleaning up the house, working in the garden in the summer of course, and doing as much knitting and crocheting as I can, just to keep the sadness out of my heart.  If you could only feel the pain I feel on a daily basis, then you can go ahead and try to make head or tail of a home (built on her religious belief system) where there is very little love.
 
Panayiota
Darling friend, your pain and suffering is perfectly understandable. I identify so much with your story... especially the feeling of being totally alone in your own home, even with your husband there. I had that husband... two of them in fact... and I currently live with a son who is always playing games on his cell phone and pretty much unresponsive when he is home... It takes too much energy for me to get him off of his games, even for a short time. The frustration of just knowing there is sometimes “dead wood” in the house leaves me screaming inside. 
 
If I were to give you my best advice right now, it would be to find a way to get onto that freeway and out of your house (your uncomfortable comfort zone)... I know this would take immense courage, but if would ultimately give you the LIFE you are crying out for. When you fully realise that you can't find what you are looking for where you are and that you can't control or change the negative behaviour of others to fit with your desperate needs, and when you are able to move beyond what you are already so stuck in, you will also surely find a way to breathe and feel loved and appreciated for who you are in all your specialness and uniqueness.
You will find what you are looking for... Just in a new way with different people.
 
“Frankl maintains that, as human beings, we all have a will to meaning.  We all want something worthwhile and purposeful to live and work for; we all want to feel needed, called upon to carry responsibility for something or someone.  By exercising the unique responsibilities that life has entrusted to us, we feel a sense of moral integrity.  Our lives are serving a unique purpose.  We have a destined role to play and, in our own way, we are irreplaceable.  These are the things that endue our life with meaning and that we, deeply within ourselves, want to experience.” (Shantall, 2003, p. 37) ~ The Quest for Destiny 
 
Find a place to serve or share with others the beautiful woman that you are.
 
I know I've said all this to you before... think really hard about it and find your courage dear friend... I found mine and the changes have been miraculous... I want the same for you. Bless you 💓
 
Things are only scary when we are thinking about them as scary, but once we're doing them (because we found a way), they're not so scary anymore... The thing is to find the courage to do what we never thought possible...
 
FRIEND
Thanks Pan.  I have tried to go on the freeway, but my anxiety attacks override my courage.  I love the garden and my crafts, but sometimes, I just sit and stare out of the window for solace.
 
Panayiota
I used to have dreadful panic attacks entering malls... for some reason, the crowded places and noise scared me terribly.  But you can overcome any fears (my friend) ... with the right help, and a willing attitude.  You'd probably need someone you can really trust to go with you the first few times (and persevere), until you can see for yourself that there is nothing too much to fear, so long as you are a cautious driver.  I wish for you to find a way.  Once your courage for a new step like this kicks in, it's incredible how the fears start to dissolve away until they are no more.  I still to this day feel panicked just to leave my yard, but I'm grateful that I have meaningful motivation and reasons that are bigger than my fears, that help me just do it.  Once I'm out of the yard, I feel so much better.  I’ve realised that it's just the getting out that creates fear in me, but once I’m out I’m okay.
 
“The basic tenet of logotherapy is that, as human beings, we have a will to meaning.  Having the capacity to think, to weigh up our lives, choose what we want to do with them and why, we are operating in a dimension not shared with any other earthly creature.  In reaching out beyondourselves or a mere day-to-day existence we are transcending the levels of animalistic existence and enter into a uniquely human dimension.” (Shantall, 2003, p. 5) ~ The Quest for Destiny
 
In Logotherapy we describe what we call, The Defiant Power of the Human Spirit.  That's the part of our spirit that eventually shouts out to us... ENOUGH!... be it enough of another person's nonsense or enough of our own.  This helps us to stand up for our true selves in the face of all our fears and our struggles and to move forward regardless. We all have this power within us that we can tap into. 
 
“THE DEFIANT POWER OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT – One is not a helpless victim of one’s drives, of one’s environment and of one’s circumstances:  One is endowed with the noëtic faculty:  one has the human capacity to take a stand against one’s “fate” (poverty, negative influences from our childhood, etc).. Even when one is suffering from physical – or even psychological – illnesses, the noös (q.v)., one’s spirit, stays virtually intact, and the ability to choose one’s attitude (q.v). remains... Moreover, human beings not only have a deep need to find a meaning, they have the power to take a stand against their circumstances, their “fate”.  This power belongs to all of us, and Frankl calls it the Defiant Power of the Human Spirit (q.v).” (Havenga Coetzer, 2003, pp 29-30)~ Viktor Frankl’s Avenues to Meaning
 
You have been held back for years and years and it's no wonder you're possibly in that head space that keeps you back from your own freedom and living... too stuck in the involvement of what everyone else is doing that has excluded their love and attention for you, causing you so much heartache and frustration, and not giving yourself the care and attention that you deserve, that would give focus to your own living.  Is it possible that you are still allowing the failures and bad behaviours of others to reflect onto you... holding you back from becoming YOUR best and most strongest, courageous, happiest self... from living to your full potential? 
 
What part of the world is missing out on the true YOU, because you are so locked up in the negative behaviour of others?  If you want more out of your life dear friend, you have to pass through all the discomforts and fears to get out there and find for yourself, what is missing from that sad and lonely place where you are right now.  If love and attention is missing for instance, you go out there and find a place where you can give your portion of love and attention to others who, just like you, are crying out for what you have to give... even a pet shelter or a plant nursery... and there you will find others who will appreciate who you are on levels you may never have experienced before, as I have found in my Logotherapy world... and you will find that they will willingly return their love and attention to you, because they will appreciate your worth.  It might not be in the ways you had always hoped and expected  from those who should have loved and nurtured you in ways you felt you so desperately needed... but it will be in unexpected and beautiful ways that will nurture and give fulfillment to your souls longings. 
 
Once we reach out to find this and we realise it was always out there, just WAITING FOR US to be a part of it, then all fear will begin to pass away, and courage will become stronger with every passing day.  It's the most incredibly strengthening and mind-altering, life-changing thing, to find out who we truly are and always were meant to be in this world... to find out the purpose and meaning of our OWN unique and beautiful existence ❤
 
There is a reason we have gone through everything that we have had to face in our lives... all the hardships and struggles have been a part of our souls journey.  The world waits for the person we have become as a result of all that we have learned along the way… and the world waits for the person we are still going to become, if we would only give ourselves a chance.
 
Every person's unique life journey will eventually bring them to a place of great value and worth to the world... YOU have always had, and further developed something unique and powerful to give to the world my dear friend.  You must not withhold your talents, and abilities and most importantly, your portion of TRUE LOVE that a world out there has been waiting for.  It is time to give WHO YOU ARE so that others can find their way also, to become WHO THEY ARE MEANT TO BE...
 
You CAN do this my friend, even if it means driving on the freeway to get there... because you are meant for far more than living so alone and aching in your misery. 
 
You were NOT born into this world to be trampled on... Below is a letter my mentor wrote to me recently... it's also in one of my most recent blog posts... it is a powerful message for you too.  All my love and best wishes to you ❤ BIG HUGS ❤
 
Letter from my mentor
FROM ME TO YOU WITH LOVE
Dearest. dearest Panayiota,
 
What a sharp and sensitive soul you have!  It is like a razor sharp sword that cuts the bone from the marrow and sets apart the truth from the lie; the reality from the deception.  And what an artist you are - how your poems so magnificently go to the poignant heart of the matter!
 
My dearest Panayiota, I do not need to help you; to give you advice.  You are sorting things out for yourself.  And what progress you have made!  It is the most difficult and most painful reality to have to come to terms with: that you were not loved, that you are not loved; that people that should have cared and should care, have failed and fail to do so.  THE FAULT IS THEIRS.  Truth, and its consolation and its healing, is with you.  So what if they did not care?  So what if they do not care now?  So what if they are miserably failing and faltering and even downright ugly people?  So what if they have no backbone of integrity?  Who will fall?  You whom they have so cruelly hurt and continue to hurt?  What will happen to you but the power of protest?  For you there is the standing up out of the dust and the declaration of your own worthiness.  It is a worthiness that you do not need them to give to you because it is a worthiness you have!  Who then will fall apart, come crashing down?  Who will be ashamed?  You, who were unable to win over their love?  You who were shamed by them?  On whom lies the blame of that shame?  On you who only wanted their love and that tried so hard to find it?  You who loved them with so much forgiveness; you, who because they refused or did not care to receive it, were brought to this point of withdrawing it? 
 
You are gathering your pearls, so cast down by their swine - their greedy self-concerned - attitudes towards you! 
 
My beloved, the time has come.  It is a time of giving up on futile efforts.  Giving up not because of bitterness or despair, but giving up out of principle.  You have drunk to the dregs the cup of suffering which they have placed in your hands, saying:  "Lie down, that we may walk over you".  The Word that is coming to you now is:  "Awake!  Awake!  Stand up, O Jerusalem! “ (read Isaiah 51, especially verses:17-23 and ponder it!)  You are to give that cup of staggering that has poisoned you with so much insecurity and feelings of worthlessness for so long, back to them.  You will drink from it no more.  Out of your downtrodden state, the defiant power of real life and love is being provoked.  To you the Song of Solomon is being sung:
 
"Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.  For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.  The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come.  The voice of the turtle-dove is heard in our land.  The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell.  Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away!"  (Song of Solomon 2:10-13).
 
How much I believe in you; how much I treasure your worthiness!
 
FRIEND
Wow Pan.  Yes, you do have a beautiful soul and I would never have thought of all that you too have had to bare.  I always have the Group Home's dog come on over when I am working in the garden, and this dog listens to me when I talk.  Now the neighbours behind us have a few chickens, and it is so much fun to just sit and talk to them, and then they talk back in their funny cackle.  I give my all to my garden in the summer.  I love to see the results.  My husband has finally come to realize that all the years he was gone, I worked so hard to make the garden look the way it does.  It is still spring, but he will see the results in a few more weeks.  I can't, no way, can I go on that freeway.  I have tried too many times, and I get too sick to my stomach, upset stomach for days when I even think of going on it.  I think you have a wonderful friend to write you such a beautiful letter.
 
Panayiota
Thank you, dear friend... I do believe that you have a beautiful soul too, and that's why you hurt so much and probably why you are being hurt so much by life.  It seems to me that some souls are called to go through the hardest trials and therefore have the greatest task and responsibility to handle every hard situation with humility and grace in overcoming.
 
I love that you have the company of that dog... how lovely... those are the sort of reminders I have that we are never alone... Heaven is constantly sending us reminders, whether it be a dog, a chicken, birds, butterflies, the shape of clouds, etc., that we are watched over and loved.
 
I love chickens also.  I wrote a little story about a chicken we had once... I hope to get it published someday.  Did you ever think of writing children's stories?  You could include your dog visitor and those chickens... just a thought 🙂 ❤
 
I also love gardening... your husband is blessed to have you keeping your surroundings so beautiful... I'm glad he's seeing that at last and is acknowledging and valuing the work you've done on it.  Our weather is into fall now, so I've just planted winter vegetable and herb seeds and some are already coming up.  So we should be in for a super winter crop again... small garden, but it looks after us well.
 
FRIEND
… as my daughter was leaving after a visit today "my dog" came out to spend some time with me, and then a church friend came to visit, and Tank, the dog, laid in the middle of the easement the entire time we were talking.  I know that this dog loves me, I can just feel it, and I have known him since he was a puppy.  Also, the neighbours chickens were talking to me when my daughter left, so I know God is around me right now.  Thank you so much for caring.  I so wish we could have met when you were in the USA.​