HOW DARE THEY! ~ I’m taking back my power!

~ Written: 10 February 2016 ~
 
Shew... I used to tell myself these lies all the time and still struggle with one or two, but thankfully, I am now more aware that they are lies... I just need to convince myself fully still that I am always worthy of good things and true love. 
 
Nobody else can tell me that I am... that doesn’t work one bit... It’s something I need to KNOW for myself... but the script messages from my past of child abuse are still too loud and too strong, as they were inscribed so deeply on my being by my abusers!  
 
HOW DARE THEY TAKE SO MUCH FROM ME!  I will continue to work hard to reclaim MY TRUTHS... to take back MY POWER from “them”!
 
It’s NOT over yet... they may have won in their tyranny over me when I was a child, too small and weak to fight back in any way whatsoever, but I am an adult now with an inner-child begging me to stand up for her still... and I WILL... “The Defiant Power of my Human Spirit” prevails... to reclaim from “them” what should always have been MINE before they so viciously and cruelly stole it from me!!!
 

• I’ve probably shared these poem before, but feel to share them again here for those who don’t get to read all my previous posts on this blog.
  

 
TORTURED SOUL!
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I am a tortured soul wondering lost
In a vast wasteland of my forgotten past!
Catching glimpses of
“It’s” burning scorching plains,
Where hope is lost in the endless torment,
Of billowing black smoke and scattered ashes.
Nowhere to turn!
Nowhere to hide!
Nowhere to run!
For each road keeps bringing me back
To where all this pain belongs!
I cannot escape its blazing snare!
This endless punishment –
For some dreadful sin that I never committed!
It was not even mine!
Yet, I must suffer this burning hell!
That will not stay with the one who created it!
The one who deserves it most!
ABUSER!  RAPIST!  THIEF!
You stole my childhood!
You stole my freedom!
You stole my happiness!
You stole my health!
You stole my friends!
You stole my portion of LOVE!
And I am forced to live on in your land of horror!
While you are free to go on with your evil ways!
Who else have you already sent here?
Who else knows how terrible this lonely anguish feels?
 
 (Sunday, 28 October 2007)
 
I LIVED IN THE TERRIBLE DREAM!
© All rights reserved ~ www.pattyskeys.co.za
 
I lived in the terrible dream, in the ‘Punishment Dream!
Where I wasn’t worthy to be loved or be seen!
Where I was forced to do things that I just couldn’t do!
And when I failed yet again, I was beaten black and blue!
There I was humbled and forced to comply!
Any anger or rebellion was beaten dry!
The struggle became to live or to die!
I lost my identity and no longer knew ‘I’!
And I felt I deserved it because I was so bad!
And accepted the suffering, alone and so sad!
Till the day I realized I was worth so much more!
And stepped out through prison’s ever-present door!
That’s when I discovered my freedom at last!
Still weak from the turmoil, I turned from my past!
 
(18 July 2005)
 
To my readers, thank you for sharing with me today.
~ Pana