I had such a wonderful weekend... true friends... unconditional love and acceptance...

~ Posted 18 April 16 ~
 
I spent part of Saturday with my daughter teaching her how to use an old sewing machine I gave her... then we came to my house and I gave her some scraps of material to practice on and she selected some old patterns I have, that she will try out once she’s got the knack of the sewing machine...
 
Then Sunday I attended the Logotherapy supervision meeting we have approximately every 6 weeks.  We had two guests there and the one being one of my own trainers from way back when... dear Audrey... oh I do love her ever so much for all she did along with my other Logotherapy trainers, to help me to come so far in my life!  Further than I ever would have known or believed possible if I wasn’t here now to realise and witness my own progress on the incredibly healing journey I have been on!
 
Audrey came with another Logotherapist who is an amazing woman also in her own right.  The meeting was lovely and we learned a lot, but I had some other really beautiful moments on the day which I feel to share... 
 
The first where I learned that a dear colleague who will leave us for another country soon, had given my other colleague and wonderful trainer/friend from my own time of training, the laptop he so desperately needed after his was destroyed recently by water being spilled into it.  He had also used the old one for months already with a really badly broken screen!  What a blessing it was for me, to hear that he now had a good laptop again.  I actually got tears in my eyes with relief and joy for my dear friend, in the moment of feeling such great love between friends.  I am always so deeply touched by “true and unconditional love” shared between people with no ulterior motives or expectations... it seems to be a rare blessing of life these days... and so very beautiful to witness.
 
Then, during a tea break, I asked the house owner at the place we were meeting at, if I could touch one of the horses or would it bite.  She said, “Come”... so I followed her to the beautiful white picket fenced paddock... then she called to “Lemon” to one of her therapy horses, and he immediately came over from the other side of his paddock straight towards us...
 
FLASHBACK from my past... I can’t even remember if he was walking or running towards us... he may as well as even have had wings in that moment and flown over...  I have blanked it out of my mind, because I instantly went into my child personality... emotions far too deep to try to explain... started giggling with excitement and then when Lemon reached us, and immediately greeted his friend standing next to me, then turned his face and literally rested his face against mine, so close I could feel his warmth and breath on my skin............................................  
 
Oh my... what a deeply moving moment in time for me... I cannot even explain...
 
The tears began to flow from deep within and overflowed... (Patty’s tears)... he let me touch him and he touched my heart deeply in the process. 
 
After meeting Lemon, I had to quickly sneak away to the bathroom where I was able to let out the surge of trapped emotion and I just cried and cried until I could pull myself together again and did that as quickly as I could, because I knew I had to... I didn’t want to have to explain if someone came looking for me.
 
Thank goodness I was able to hide what was going on inside of me from the people around me... but the energy it takes to hide such deep emotions leaves me completely drained.
 
(When I lived with our abusive stepfather in my childhood, we stabled horses on the plot we lived on... they became my “best friends”... my “safe place”... my “escape”... I would spend hours with them... grooming them... talking to them... crying with them... and feeling as though I was not alone in my troubles... I had them and they cared how I felt and loved and accepted me regardless of how “BAD” I was left feeling about myself after the verbal attacks, beatings and rapes... they were my saving grace at that awful time of my life)
 
I will never forget. 
 
Soon, most of the people left, but some of us remained for another quick meeting, and while I was sitting there, minding my own business, watching the sun go down, still filled with emotion as a result of my experience with Lemon, our hosts therapy dog who I had petted a few times earlier whenever she passed by, suddenly came up behind me and jumped up with her paws around my neck and head… so playful, knocking my glasses skew, turning my hair into a birds nest and kissing me all over with her exuberant licks... (I wondered if she just knew somehow, that "Patty" needed a loving hug)… I had such a good laugh and felt so special and accepted by her carefree playfulness toward me… toooo wonderful!  I’m so glad that nobody stopped her!  It was another beautiful moment in my day…

We are NEVER completely alone or abandoned to our troubles... if we learn to open our minds and hearts to see, feel and hear during times of troubles, we will know this is true... I KNOW it without doubt!
 
I have been having such terrible sleeping problems due to too much going on in my life just lately and it seems to be getting worse and worse... but last night, I slept 9 hours straight... amazing!  I feel heavy and drained this morning and still a bit tearful today with the lingering effect of the high-emotions of yesterday, but hopefully it will all lift soon.
 
All I know is that I am also left with an overwhelming sense of gratitude for “yesterday”... a most beautiful day indeed
 
~ Pana