INSENSITIVE COMMENTS ~ affecting adult survivors of child abuse

~ Posted 5 February 2016 ~
 
Every now and then, someone becomes quite perplexed about my blog posts and in wanting to help me to “get better”, often in their attempt to help “fix me”, they make insensitive comments, which I understand are not meant to be insensitive at all. 
 
So to all those who feel the need to suggest to me that I need to “Get over it”... “Leave the past behind”... “Be more positive”... “Don’t dwell on the past or the future”, etc., please forgive me for this, but I feel I must say something about it, because it’s so important to me to get my message across to the world out there where I have already been judged so harshly all of my life because of my differences, behavioural problems, perception difficulties, insecurities and struggles, etc. as a result of the severe abuses that was inflicted so cruelly on me as a child...
 
I KNOW you don’t mean any judgement when you write or say insensitive things and I KNOW you mean well, and I also KNOW you have never walked in my shoes, or you would not say the things you do so easily...  but, this is an opportunity for me to share one of my important thoughts with others, in the hopes of helping people to understand how hurtful such comments can be to an adult survivor of child abuse... this is what my blog is all about... sharing my personal feelings and experiences with the world in the hopes of helping others.  This is the purpose and meaning of my life.
 
When you say insensitive things (insensitive from my perspective), I don’t believe it is kind.  In fact, such statements come across to an adult survivor of child abuse as “Judgement statements”... denying the inner-child a voice and therefore keeping him/her trapped in the miserable existence of her past hurts, fears, etc... where children were to be seen but not heard... or where children were violently silenced!
 
Where there is an inner-child, one still has “that part of them” very much still living in the past and fearing greatly each and every moment in time, not only in the now, because of what they experienced then, but also fearing greatly for the future, because the healing that is required never reached them in their past existence which is still affecting their present experience and threatening their future hopes and dreams as a result...
 
“What’s the use?” is a feeling that comes up in me very often.  I work very hard to live only in the now, but the past constantly pops in uninvited through flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and feelings, as well as negative script messages that spoil things in my present.
 
So, I don’t “dwell” on this and I don’t want it... it is what it is... it will not go away, but thankfully, for me, it has been fading as I have been learning to cope better with it all,  because of the hard work I consciously and actively put in, in my efforts to beat what was that is still affecting me to this day.  The “hard work” is what is keeping me alive today... in the here and now of my life.  It is this hard work that gives me some semblance of hope, even against so many odds, that maybe... just maybe the future is indeed worth trusting in and living for.
 
If I experience a genuine pop-up a fear, struggle, problem, emotional pain, etc. in my present that I am aware has originated from my past abuses, I will write about it, believing that others might identify with what I share and that hopefully my sharing might help them to transcend their own struggles.  I will share regardless of any fears of judgment as a result of what I share.  I understand that there are many who will not understand my sharing at all, because they have not walked in my shoes, but it is so important to me not to hide anything that I feel the need to share. 
 
I have been judged for too long by too many already, but I know better today who I am and how far I’ve come and how hard I have worked to get here and I believe in the purpose of my life, so I have to keep moving forward for the sake of all that I believe, regardless of my own fears from the past, or of the future, or even my fears right here in the now of my life...
 
It’s “do or die” time for me... there’s nothing else left in me other than to keep working towards and in the purpose of my life, for the sake of my children, grandchildren, my sister, Sharon, my own daddy and all those who ever believed in me and for those out there who are struggling also and who read this and identify and are helped by my sharing.
 
I hope I don’t put anyone off with my deep thoughts and outspoken honesty in sharing them...  I lost my voice as a child and never had one until now... but still remain silent if I don't feel I can fully trust the person, but I feel so much trust in you... the reader who might need what I am sharing... I know you are there, so thank you for sharing and journeying with me here.
 
If you would like to share your thoughts with me, please write to me via my blog “Contact” page.  No one else will know what you have written and I only share “Conversations with a friend” where the friend agrees with me doing so and gives me permission to do so with or without their name attached.  I look forward to hearing from you also...  
 
Thank you and love to all.
 
~ Pana