My dear old daddy ~ Yes... I do greatly dread growing older...

Written:  10 March 2016

My youngest son, my dad and another manager from their work went fishing in the rain yesterday :)... they say that it was a fine drizzle all day long, but at the same time, warm weather and no wind, so it was really quite comfortable after the scorching hot, dry days we’ve had so far this summer.  They had a wonderful day together, catching 24 large carp which they distributed to the workers at the shop where they work, on their way home!

I believe that  my dad has been really down since the shop move, which I expected anyway... any sudden and unsettling move for a 85 year old person is not good and he was so established in the other shop with his regular routine and job with the staff and customers who absolutely loved him there.  I believe they all cried a lot when they were saying goodbye to him... he cried a lot too.  The new shop doesn’t have the same machines that my dad was used to working with, so he has likely just mozied around feeling like a spare part since he got there... my son who has settled in happily to the shop move, said that my dad had even said that he wasn't going to go fishing again! (Something he was doing twice weekly before the move).

I imagined that my dad was already feeling a sense of “giving up” and I was feeling so sad for him... I have a deep empathy for the aged who I love dearly.  My dad doesn't even get to open the shop anymore since the move... (which of course we are all very happy about!!!)  He's too old now to be getting up so early in the mornings and suffers terribly from aches and pains and chilblains on his fingers in winter, but he always insisted on opening up shop in the mornings and when he’d made his mind up about something, there was no reasoning with him about it, or stopping him!

But, I believe that he is for now in a space now where he must be feeling a little redundant... feeling his age... having lost the true meaning of his present life for a time, until he gets used to the new place... I hope he does.  I am told there's lots less customer traffic there too, but one good thing is that some of the same people who visited the shop where he was working before, also come to this shop, and of course they took quite a few of the workers with them, so he's not entirely separated from what he had before.  My dad is with my brother more too now which I know would be a big plus for him and I’m also sure that my brother and sister in law will soon work out a plan of how to keep him busy and feeling as though he is still of worth and still has a place of being needed in the business and in this world.

I'm so glad they went fishing yesterday and had a great experience. I can just imagine my 85 year old dad happily standing in the rain all day; he was doing what he loves most and I am sure it was a good reminder to him that not everything has changed, so I am feeling very grateful to Heaven for making their fishing day possible because a heavier rain was forecasted yesterday where they go fishing.

My dad who experiences some deafness now, is also experiencing a lot of pain these days in his back with bones gradually disintegrating.  He was told recently that he can't cast his finishing line out anymore.  It’s so sad to see old age gradually creeping up on him... I’m sad that he had to experience the disruption of the shop move also, but at least he can go to his fishing still for now with his fishing buddies and for that I am truly very grateful!
 
Knowing my dad who has been so courageous and resilient all his life long, I believe he will adjust soon to the new shop and just make the most of the situation as it stands.  He will undoubtedly make new friends with the customers and staff there and he will find a way to be his positive, dear old self again.  In some ways, this could even be a blessing in disguise for the very reason that the new shop is quieter. 
 
I have always believed that everything happens for a “good” and even “divine” reason, often way beyond our comprehension at the time that it happens.
 
My dad is a remarkable human being who has great strength of character, who I have always looked up to.  A man who had suffered greatly in his early years, yet he just keeps on keeping on in the best way he possibly can, making the most of all situations he finds himself in, and making so many happy along the way with his positive and loving ways, beautiful friendly smile, jolly laugh and great sense of humour... I love my dad so much!
 
I dread getting older, but my dad has always been my inspiration and his great example of resilience gives me courage to keep moving forward in the best possible way I know how also. 
 
When I get that old, I want to have the opportunity to die whilst doing something I love doing... like my dear old daddy fishing in the rain at 85 years of age and still going to work every day...
 
...instead of being left to rot away in a lonely miserable existence in a rocking chair... like a forgotten, unloved, unwanted nobody...
 
...That would be like being dead in the world and even in your body, before you even died!  I have worked with the aged... I have experienced this type of misery in “non-existence” among them...
 
I DREAD GROWING OLDER!  (Patty dreads me growing older... she never had a real chance to "live" her childhood... she was already a forgotten, unloved, unwanted nobody there where she lived with her abusive mother and stepfather... and now it seems that all hope is already fading for her, as I will turn 60 years old this November) 

I cannot and must not give up! 

Until I take my last breath, there is still always hope of a happier tomorrow!  If my life could change so much for the better in my 50's, then why not even better still in my 60's...

I must continue to believe in tomorrow!

~ Pana