VISIT TO THE DENTIST ~ BIG BABY NO MORE!!!

~ Posted 4 November 2015 ~
 
Ok... so that was really very weird... I survived the dentist visit somehow... so unusual that I’m still somewhat confused by the experience of NOT being so afraid as I am so used to being when visiting the dentist!  What on earth happened?  Has my healing come this far, or was it a fluke day?  Was Patty still asleep... haahaa! 
 
I should have visited the dentist ages ago after I wrote about needing to in a blog post a while back, but when my sister sent me the phone number so that I could make an appointment, I got into such a state just looking at the phone number on my cell phone, that my blood pressure instantly shot up leaving me with a migraine for two days and actually affected my body which swelled up like a balloon! 
 
After all of that I realised I could not do the whole dentist thing on my own and was too scared to think about it anymore so just left it!  But at a recent Logotherapy student workshop, my confidence felt so shattered when having to speak to people, that I just knew that I had no option but to get the tooth done before the upcoming exam workshops this month.
 
Yesterday I felt fine about going to the dentist this morning, but I think what happens is that I was in some kind of emotional denial... “Until it happens, it’s not going to happen”...
 
I woke this morning at around 03h30 after less than 6 hours sleep and came onto my Patty’s Key’s Facebook page to post a few quotes I identify with and hope my readers would also.  I felt in no real rush... as if there was no urgency whatsoever to get ready for the dentist... “Still in denial”...
 
But, around 05h15, it suddenly hit me... I have to be there at 06h30 and still need to bath, eat, get ready and get my son up so he can come with me... I could NEVER go alone to the “dreaded” dentist!
 
So the rush was suddenly on and we arrived at the dentist so early that the gates were still shut.  We listened to the radio in the car while we waited, and out of the blue I could suddenly (as expected) feel Patty rising to the surface and the tears stared, but I soon got them under control while the knot in my stomach remained, but I felt I was definitely now “on the edge”... On the edge of where I usually tip over into my “fearful self” and begin to feel panicked and wanting to run.
 
Finally the dentist opened the gate and we went in.  There was no waiting as I was his first patient.  I could not believe that this time, I actually was able to look at him and “see him” and greet him.  This is so unusual for me... usually by the time I have to go into a dentist’s room, I have already tipped over into a dissociative state and blanked out from reality... basically become like an empty machine that a mechanic works on to fix or replace something.  This is the way I had long ago learned to cope with the extreme fear that would overcome me when visiting dentists... But... it didn’t happen this time... so weird!
 
Once I was on his chair, I felt some generalised muscle-stiffening and some dissociation as always as Patty’s fears tried to surface, but it never worsened as the dentist progressed.  At one stage when he started to use his drill, “it nearly happened”, but he did something unusual... he said quite firmly, “No-no..................” I never heard the rest, but at the same time, he rubbed my tightly frowning forehead and I heard something like, “relax here”... and... I DID! 
 
Huh!  What happened there... ?  I still can’t fathom how he did it, or if it was just a fluke action on his behalf that worked for me.
 
As I relaxed my forehead, so I found myself relaxing all over, still with the help of some dissociation, I found myself feeling more and more calm... more and more relaxed and I got through the whole ordeal unusually well.
 
SURPRISE! 
 
Something new I didn’t know about me... that I could actually have a dental visit without going back into the “broken and frightened child self” of my past...
 
WHAT NOW?
 
So, now that I know this is possible, because, it happened:
 
What am I going to do with this amazing new information about my “self”? 
 
What new attitudinal belief system will I choose to adopt from this extraordinary experience, and...
 
What old fear-based belief systems adopted from my past will I be able to finally "let go of..."
 
The “GIFT” of healing courage and strength has been presented to me from “Life”...
 
Do I accept it and take it in as a “new truth” for my life, or...
 
Do I allow the “old” script messages (LIES) that I adopted from my far distant past to still have so much power over me, my freedom or my happiness.
 
A conscious choice for positive change is now available for me to make that could ultimately change the outcome of all my future visits to the dentist......
 
I was quite dizzy for a while once I got off of his chair... same as last time I went to visit the dentist, but sitting in the waiting room for a while after I got my tooth done helped me to recover.
 
On the way home my son and I listened to a funny programme on the car radio and had a good laugh... so for me, this has been a most amazing "dentist visit" experience and one that I am extremely grateful for... I am very grateful for this new day in my life!  My broken front tooth is now fixed and I can face the world with my most confident smile once again J
 
~ Pana