April 16th, 2022

Something I shared with friends on Facebook yesterday
A picture of me as a baby with my toy lamb... quite a significant picture for me (the lamb is a symbol of innocence, purity, etc).... because who knew that this little girl was going to grow up experiencing a lifetime of abuses and judgements, etc., against her, yet... I'm proud of her, because no matter what she has had to go through, she has never given up on her life and her LOVE has grown stronger and stronger through all her days that she experienced so little in return.

I am grateful for all of you who have never given up on me and have shared your genuine love with me. You have helped me on my life's quest for healing and for greater LOVE in this world... starting with the family and from there reaching out to the world... LOVE... if not received, then at least given wherever we possibly can.

May I never fail on my quest and if and when I do (I do at times), to always endeavor to make it right again by my thoughts, deeds, words and actions.

Sending my LOVE to you all. May your Passover/Easter time be a very blessed one and bring you ever closer to those you love and those you should love regardless of race, colour, creed, status, geographical location, etc.

I think that's the message that 'Little Patty' would love to share with you all this Passover/Easter

And this is how the conversation went, in private, with another friend on Facebook today when we were discussing a Zoom meeting I might attend tomorrow.

Me: ...Family always comes first... ❤

Njabulo: Cool stuff, for sure family come first. I wish we could all have that mindset 🙏🏽😊

Me: I also wish all families could have the same mindset. I feel so sad when certain family members don't support groups pages at all, because they say they are too busy. Nobody should ever be too busy for family! You could mute conversations until you have time, then quickly make some kind of response to show your presence... but ignoring family, especially family that love you and wish you were more present every day, can be so painful! Just saying.

Njabulo: That is touching.  Nowadays we value people from outside, their voice carries much more wisdom and guidance as compared to our very own DNA. Time spent outside the family is much more valued. Peace is far fetched from many of our families. We have serious work to do to restore our families. Even those who make it and become successful group themselves amongst others who are better and forget where they come from.

Me: Exactly!  If we don't get it right in our families, then we don't get it right in the world... and that's why the world is falling apart already... families are forgotten... when families are supposed to be forever! 

Same with church families. For me, they go hand in hand.  When one is hurting, the other one hurts too, because the one always holds up a mirror to the other... a mirror reflecting what is meant to be, what should be, but so seldom is... This is why I believe that I DON'T BELONG here... but I live on. 

When the pain becomes too much, I remove myself from it for a time... maybe forever... but somehow, I can never let go of my hope and belief in my DNA family... so I just keep holding on and have learned to receive whatever they each have to offer, regardless of my longings for more from some of them where I feel there's a lacking of their love for me or need for me in their lives... 

Of course, I'm posting this today... Easter Saturday... a rainy, miserable, cold, dark day... as I sit alone in my house... the hours are ticking by very slowly... I have my two little dogs, but they are so cold, they are staying warmly wrapped up and asleep today.  So... I am mostly alone.  TV and the world inside of my computer are my company today as was the beautiful dove that sat on the wall outside my window this morning.  It has to be enough.  I am grateful for some work that came in that I needed to see to, and a call from my beloved daughter inviting me out on Monday... YAY! Something to look forward to always helps me to breathe better... and the occasional WhatsApp contact with my youngest son who is working all weekend... and my sister on the other side of the world. Blessed moments in time which I grasp to my heart for all that they are worth... and they are indeed worth very much to me... especially on days like this ❤

Patty wonders about tomorrow's Easter eggs that she is quite sure isn't going to happen... the Easter Bunny wont be passing this way in the rain! But my littlest sister has already mentioned our Greek Easter cooking day that is planned for next week... so that's something to really look forward to... Family tradition is also important and wonderful!  I love baking flaounies with my littlest sister... I wish our middle sister Shev was there too. That would be absolute sister-time perfection!  I can just imagine our conversation and the laughter.  Shev has a way of making me belly laugh... a lot! Just thinking about her wonderful humour and ways makes me smile!  I love my sisters so much! 

I think about what a blessing it is for people who have other people with them on days like this.  Do they have any idea how blessed they are?  To see another face... feel another presence nearby... hear a voice from time to time.  

I HAVE FRIENDS IN HEAVEN... I feel them close by, but it's not quite the same as a physical presence on eerie, lonely, dark, long-long days like today.

Connection is so important for someone like me... I'll go watch a movie just now... that will eat up some of the hours... and there's still dishes to wash and some washing to hang indoors... I loathe the humdrumness of housework, but I have to do it whether I like it or not!  I DON'T LIKE IT AT ALL! But it has to be done!  I wish I could find time to paint rather... but taking out all the paint stuff means less time to stay on top of the housework and more mess to clean up eventually!  ARRRGH! 

NOTE: A friend has let me know that they are unable to react to these Blog posts... so I'll need to ask Weebly to sort that out sometime.  My computer is giving me problems too, so it might be something to do with that... ??? I keep getting promises of help with my computer, but they don't happen... HUMPH!... My work place is considering getting me a new one... I might have to take them up on that.

Thank you for sharing some of the slow-ticking time with me today.

~ Panayiota