Why I share what I do, in the way that I do?

IT IS TRUE that I am not threatened in the same way today as I was many years before, but the flashback emotions and reactions are still going to happen and are very real.  It's up to me to work out why, so that I can actively do something about it as quickly as possible to prevent further and unnecessarily prolonged damage...
 
I hope that my blog posts don't disturb my readers.  If they do, that is not my intention and I ask that you please don't read them if you find them unsettling. 
 
I feel that sharing my journey is so important, and might help other therapists (and other “important” figures, such as church leaders, etc.) to one day to be able to REALLY understand and help their clients better... especially clients with DID.  I feel that it's important for me to take the chance of embarrassing myself by exposing my biggest struggles and weaknesses, and acknowledge those struggles and my process of coming to an awareness of the possible "why?" I am struggling... "What dynamics are at play?"... and I believe that once we understand and are ready to face ourselves and our broken and self-destructive ways and our effect on the world around us... only then are we able to begin, or continue on our healing journey.  We need to be personally-enlightened to the truths and dynamics of our mental illness in order to tackle and negotiate it. 
 
So, my writings in essence, are saying: “I am constantly working at becoming aware enough to know where I need to put in the work to help myself.  Nobody is going to do this work for me... I have to do it myself... and by facing my problem and sharing the process, I pray that others will learn this powerful and vitally important personal-truth for themselves also.”
 
Indeed, by facing my struggles so openly and authentically, I am able to find ways to reassure and re-parent my inner child. To say to my inner-child: "This is NOT your fault.  It NEVER was your fault.  This is how, or why it happened and why you are still experiencing the pain and struggle today... but I am here for you now.  We can work this out together.  You are NOT alone anymore.  You do NOT need to feel so afraid or shamed by your past.  I am holding you in my arms... I LOVE YOU AND WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! Together, we can do this.  We don't need anyone else to do it for us.  This is OUR work and together we WILL find OUR healing... I'M HERE FOR YOU! I need and want you in my life! Let us, for a short while, go for a walk in the garden, or play with the dog, or colour in a picture and have some fun together."
 
By writing what I do, I certainly DO NOT want anyone to feel sorry for me... I would hope for the absolute opposite... that people will rather become more aware of my strengths and see the victor in me who is working so hard for my healing, because I believe that what I do for myself can hopefully help others to do for themselves also whatever it takes and is needed for their healing on their unique journey through life.
 
I believe there’s a lot of judgement because of my sharing… and you know what… it’s okay.  Those who judge will never understand anyway, so their opinion doesn’t really matter in the whole scheme of things. 
 
A dear friend wrote to me in response to my last blog post
“Pan I am not giving up on you either!!!! True not everyone is able to hear this, but I am able and since I can, I follow your blog and support you. Carry on HEALING. You are not on your own anymore.
Loads of love,
Channa.”
 
A Facebook friend wrote once
“Sometimes when a person seems to reject you, they are actually giving you the opportunity to learn something. One of life's biggest challenges has been for me to love myself and others, despite our weaknesses. Unconditional love is the only love that there is. Anything else is a substitute. Some of our greatest teachers in this life are those that have hurt us” ~ Jason
 
NO MATTER WHO JUDGES ME, OR GIVES UP ON ME, OR WHO I END UP GIVING UP ON BECAUSE THEY HURT ME TOO MUCH, I WILL NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON MYSELF OR WHAT I BELIEVE IS MY PURPOSE IN LIFE... TO SHARE MY STORY... UNRAVEL AND MAKE SENSE OF MY STRUGGLES... FIND HEALING ANSWERS… SHARE HOPE AND INSPIRE FAITH AND MEANING FOR LIFE WHERE I CAN, FOR THE SAKE OF NOT ONLY MYSELF, BUT OTHERS ALSO.
 
“When you intentionally use your everyday life to bring about positive change in the lives of others, you begin to live a life that matters.” ~ John C. Maxwell

​WHEN DAY IS DONE, I WANT MY LIFE TO HAVE MATTERED.
 
Thank you for sharing with me,
 
~ Panayiota